Hi everyone, I really don't know what to think anymore so I've come for a very much needed unbiased opinion! If you could please share thoughts or experiences that would be gratefully appreciated!
I've been dating my boyfriend for 1 year and 8 months and I love him to pieces! We're in our early 20s and haven't had too much experience in the dating world. We both come from very different backgrounds, me being your average Canadian whereas he was born and raised in Vietnam.. this has never been an issue for me, my family is beyond supportive and has never even considered it as a problem but his family has always had their reservations. It's only been in the past few months his mom has taken a liking to me (whether it's genuine or not is still anybody's guess!) I just figured it was because she realized I'm kind of here to stay and he's serious about being with me and no matter how much crap she dishes out, I'm not leaving! Now this doesn't mean I go and spend time with her like he does with my family, it just means I'm invited on the odd outing and family meal etc. This is where the problems lie. They are extremely traditional, my bf has explained everything I need to do to remain 'proper' around his family and I understand they have different views etc. but I still have a hard time wrapping my head around everything sometimes. He's explained that when we are out I must engage in all forms of small talk and *I* must initiate all the conversations, because flat out, they won't. When we're out in larger groups though, they don't speak english, like none, zip, nadda, zero.. which creates a problem seeing as if I don't speak viet, lol.. I'm used to it now and I have gotten to the point where I don't mind, as long as I can sit there and pretend like I have a clue what's going on, I'm happy even though I still find it somewhat rude sometimes. My bf gets extremely upset when I don't engage in conversations with them, like I don't just sit there and ignore everyone, I try my best but even when I catch a moment in between the viet to say something, they'll respond and then go back to their conversations.. I feel like it's a loosing battle so instead I just sit, smile and pretend like I know what they're talking about! I would be completely open to talking with them about anything, I just need someone to talk WITH me! I can talk to his siblings since they like me and speak english, even his sister is good at translating the odd thing for me when I look confused haha.
I'm a shy person to begin with when thrown in a situation like that, so it's not like I'm comfortable to jump in, interrupt their convos and make small talk about the weather.. his complaint is that I can talk with a random off the street, customers where I work, basically anybody else, but I have a problem talking with his fam.. I'm fine when it's just his mom but toss in a big group of non-english speaking people and I get overwhelmed, especially when he's sitting beside me whispering about how 'dissappointed' he is that I'm not even trying.. when I am!! I know whatever I say, what ever I do they're gonna judge me and complain to him later so I almost fear talking too much because I'm scared I'll just give fuel for the fire! I almost started crying at lunch today and his aunt almost saw, but I'm tired of being told that I'm a disappointment to his family..
Am I completely wrong to think it's rude of them not to engage in conversation with me when I'm told I have to or else I will look like a rude Canadian who doesn't even consider them family? I myself don't always feel welcome. I can't just change who I am and become outgoing and chat them all up.. but I'm at a loss. We talked/hugged it out today after some lectures and tears but I'm still sad that every time I try, I fail.. I don't just want to give up on going out with them because it always ends up in a fight, I want to be present and I want them to like me I'm just upset.