Help with a long distance 6 yr relationship

[alittlecurious]

Hey everyone,

So I've been with a guy for the past 6 years in a long distance relationship (my first and only boyfriend). We visit each other every couple of months for a weekend together, but other then that we're usually talking on the phone. A couple months ago, I started medical school out of the country, moving me even further away from him. We've always had our problems, the biggest one being that he never gave me enough time, however after starting school our relationship went further downhill. It came to the point that we talked to each other once a week....that being said I said that the two of us should go on a prolonged break, until I can figure out what I want. During our break though..I met another guy. By no means am I looking to get into another relationship, I just want to find out what's out there, since I've never experienced anything else.

Bottom line is..i'm confused. I don't know if I'm messing up my relationship with him, if I'm falling out of love with him, etc. etc. Like I said, things have not been good between the two of us for a while. We're constantly at each others throats, (or at least I feel as if I am). More so I feel as if I turn into an angry person when I'm with him, I can't seem to control my emotions. I'm not sure if this is just a part of what happens when you've been with someone so long, or if it is a sign that it's time to move on. What confuses me more is that as soon as I back away from him, he wants to come back into my life. Yet when I come back to him, it's as if he's forgotten I exist, and things are right back to square one.

Is it wrong that I'm having fun with a guy I know I'll have no future with? Or the fact that I don't feel like working out the same problem with the boyfriend over and over again? ( Btw the boyfriend knows that I'm seeing another guy.) Help =/

[alittlecurious]

a little help? anyone?

[Judie]

Hi, I think you're at the phase, which you are getting tired and bored of your current relationship; it's been so long, you haven't seen each other much, the same issues arises over and over again, he's not putting enough effort into it... It's a great idea that you're giving yourself a chance to explore what's out there, and how do you know that you and this new guy you are seeing will have no future together. Do you see a real future with the old boyfriend that you have? Just enjoy your everyday life and ease your way out of something that you are fed up with. If the old boyfriend actually treasure you and the future you would have together, he would get his acts together to win you back and to work on the relationship. If not, it's time to move on. There's many interesting and great guys out there right close to you. There's not enough reason for you to hold on to something that is so far away and so delicate beyond grasp. You will find someone who deserves you a whole lot better.

[Agape]

"the biggest one being that he never gave me enough time, however after starting school our relationship went further downhill. It came to the point that we talked to each other once a week"
"We're constantly at each others throats"

LDR relationships are hard and it's going downhill . . .also you're "falling out of love with him" . . . sounds like an natural break-up cycle.

[alittlecurious]

Judie- Hmm..see the thing that really confuses me is why does he come back after i've left? This isn't a one time only thing, it's been a cycle of me giving up, him coming back, me giving him another chance, and then going downhill once again. And yes, I do see a real future with the old boyfriend, however that future does show a lot of problems between the two of us...but isn't that a part of any normal healthy relationship? As for the new guy, well he's great, however a) he and I are not of the same religion, which is a must for me and b) he has priorities other then wanting to do the whole "falling in love- marriage- kids" deal, and I personally don't care enough to change that. Thanks for the advice by the way!

[alittlecurious]

Agape- How do you exactly define "falling out of love"
and if the definition is what I think it is, why does it feel like i'm falling out of love with him whilst on the phone, however when physically together things seem to flow wonderfully?

[Judie]

Your scenario sounds like "out of sight, out of mind" kind of situation. That's why LDR's always need a lot of effort...

[Agape]

Agape- How do you exactly define "falling out of love"
and if the definition is what I think it is, why does it feel like i'm falling out of love with him whilst on the phone, however when physically together things seem to flow wonderfully?

Well that was a phrase you used in your original post . . .so it's best you define it for yourself (1st line in 2nd paragraph) . . . but long-term relationship and only one talk a week? It needs more than that

but I'll echo what Judie said, out of sight = out of mind