videogames or your girlfriend? (long story)

[cohen_girl]

(I gave a shortened version of the backstory of whats going on, in addition to the fact that he stood me up for his xbox)

So I've been seeing this guy for 10 months now. At the beginning of the relationship he was so sweet and a real gentleman. He always picked up the check at dinner and opened doors for me. I'd get really sweet texts from him everyday like "It's a gloomy looking out, but having you as my girlfriend makes it better" or "I wish you were here so I could hold you".

He's in college and I work full time. One week he had finals and it was a really busy time for me at work and we didn't see each other for a couple of weeks. During that time there was a day where he didn't text me much and I jokingly texted him "you don't love me anymore?" to my utter surprise he replied "I'm just confused" I confronted him about it and he told me he didn't think we had a future together. In shock and hurt I was crying and asking him why because just a couple of weeks before he told me we were a good match. He told me he didn't see himself as a human being, but as a devil. He said he couldn't feel emotions, and didn't know what to do when I was crying. I know what you're thinking, and no he didn't meet someone else. But wait, the plot thickens...

He used to get beat as a child.. a lot.. and eveytime he would cry he'd get beat some more and was told that he wasn't allowed to cry. I read a ton of child psychology books and they say that children who grow up like that "die emotionally" and see themselves as bad people.

I showed him the research that I did and told him there was help out there and he could feel emotions again, there are therapists, or if he didn't want to see one, there are programs for healing that you can do on your own, and I let him know he could talk to me about anything. He opened up and told me some horrific things that his parents did to him when he was just a little boy. After this he seemed to be affectionate again and like he was back in love with me.

He slowly stopped doing sweet things for me and sending me those texts that would make me smile for hours. Yet he'd still tell me that he loves me on a constant basis.

A new videogame came out a couple of days ago, and i've had the past few days off work, the first day it came out I tried to be understanding and let him play it all day (even though he knows I can't stand watching him play videogames). He texted me that he knew I didn't want to but I could come over for a little bit while he was playing because it wouldn't kill me. So since schools been pretty stressful for him I baked him his favorite kind of cake from scratch and brought it over for him and spent a couple hours cuddling him while he played. Today after he was out of school I asked if he was busy because I wanted to spend time with my favorite person. He told me that my favorite person wanted to play video games today.

I don't think I'm asking too much here, he played all day tuesday and some wednesday when he wasn't at school, i'd figure since I was so nice to him and everything that he'd want to spend some time with me today, but he totally ditched me for his xbox! Okay, school, homework, making money, those are excuses I understand, but come on! Choosing videogames over your girlfriend??

Ive been really nice to him, and understanding, and I feel really bad about what happened to him as a child, but that doesn't mean he can walk all over me!

[Zangash]

Was the video game Naruto: Ultimate Ninja Storm 2? Because that came out a couple of days ago, and if it was, I totally understand how he's feeling.

[cohen_girl]

no, it was fallout new vegas. I get that videogames can be addictive, but I would never choose a hobby over my boyfriend, ever. Plus I didn't even push for spending time with him the day it came out (even though we both had the day off and could've spent time together) but a couple days later, he should be able to put the controller down and spend time with his girlfriend!

[Zangash]

Well, from the sound of it, he doesn't see you in the same light as you see him, and saying New Vegas is highly anticipated is an understatement. The game is new and he wants to play it, it'll probably be like that for a few days. It'll blow over, though, and he'll probably get tired of it and go back to spending time with you... Although, if he doesn't, you could always go get another guy who doesn't spend all their time playing games...

[WICKED THOUGHTS]

Eh, the next time u go over to his pad and his playing d box. Go and text me :p j/k Ya, well.. them games is addicting, but maybe it relieves his stress ya? Cmon, give him space. imo

[cohen_girl]

he's been playing for two days, i understand stress relief, but this is ridiculous. I haven't spent time with him in over a week (except to drop off the cake I made him and he was too into the game to talk to me or take a break from it, so I brushed it off) but seriously? he needs to spend 3 days with his xbox and can't even see me for a few hours??

[Zangash]

Coming from a guy, a few hours is a long time.

[Only-virgins]

I don't know. I would rather spend time with anyone that has a pulse more then a video game. I play games to waste time when I have absolutely NOTHING better to do.

[MerryH]

How can you sit there and watch him play video games for hours? I get bored out of my mind and annoyed at the noises after like 2.5 minutes or less. You'd probably not hate his video game so much if you just got up (or left) and did something else. Don't cuddle with him and bring him cake when he can't tear himself away.

And it sucks what happened to him in his past, and you've been really nice about helping him with it, but ultimately it's not your problem to fix, and you can't let that excuse him for his dumb behavior.

[Gribble]

It depends on the video game, but I could totally see myself ignoring my girlfriend in favor of one. At least back in the day when video games were actually interesting and not just commercialized reprocessed bullshit. Girls get real boring real fast.

[doppelgaenger]

I grew up in an abusive home with an alcoholic father. I wouldn't say I "died" emotionally, I just hide my emotions from everyone. That's no excuse for what's happening here though - you're just hung up on the fact that your relationship is over the honeymoon phase; now that your relationship lost the 'magical' effects that it had in the beginning, you're not sure where it all went. Now you'll have to adjust and accept things the way they are.

Hahaha, I was going to ask if it was New Vegas; I went out the night it came out and bought it at midnight. I haven't played it yet, though; too busy with school and teaching myself electronics. It's a hell of a good game... I watch my roommates play it on my study breaks.

I can't stand it when a girl is needy and always wants to spend time with me. Your guy just wants to play his video game. Give him some space and let him hang out in his man cave for a few days. What's wrong with you is that you want his world to be centered around you and you're jealous of the videogame. You might not like hearing this, but in my world, a woman/gf is pretty low on my priority list. Most of the time, I'd rather be in solitude, playing a game or enjoying one of my many hobbies, but every now and then I get lonely and want to hang out with someone or I feel like doing something dirty. What this means, is that a guy like me needs an independent woman who can occupy her own time doing things she enjoys without me. Luckily for you, women are nice to have around because they smell good, they cook good food, and they're really nice to talk with. Not to forget, they have boobies.

If you really wanna get his attention, kick the door down to his place, wearing a really sexy low-cut outfit and some nice lingerie and a miniskirt, stand in front of the TV and ask him if he's ever played a sexbox before.

[teel]

I am really not sure about this guy and you, but overall sometimes a new game comes that's just so good it makes you forget absolutely everything. If that's the only thing, it's not your fault. He will snap out of it in a week or so, after he finished it. Be glad he doesn't get addicted to World of Warcraft, because then your relationship is probably pretty much over. I remember a couple of times I got a new and interresting game, and it was exactly that moment my girlfriend wanted me to reassure her of my love, by leaving the game and spending time with her. It's annoying as hell... it won't make me love her more that's for sure.

Edit: yes, my advice extends to several days. I know Fallout (haven't tried New Vegas yet), and I know it can suck you in so much you forget everything. Think about this: do you have some really good show you like to watch on TV? (if not, just work with me here...) Imagine you had all episodes at your disposal, and you could watch them any time you want. The last episode you watched ended with XX and YY passionately kissing, while XX's wife is is just outside the door, after she found out she's pregnant. Then your boyfriend comes in and says if you love me leave that soap opera and let's go outside, you watch it later. Now imagine you're just crazy about this show. That's about what is going on with him. Fallout has a very complicated storyline, it's not a PacMan that you can leave anytime, because you already played 2 days.

[and_chinita12]

Give him some time alone.. eventually he'll get tired of playing around with his xbox. My boyfriend used to play online games 24/7 sometimes I fetch him at the computer store and ask him to go home <way back 3 years ago when we don't own a computer> sometimes I get really angry because I couldn't take his lame excuses about that stuff that boys can only understand. But I let him do his things around and tried giving him a break. I still text him though, u know in a c constant basis. One day he got tired of it and came to visit me in my place. Sure guys can be blinded by these kind of fun sometimes.

[jista7]

if he is quite young which im guessing he is , then he hasnt realised what he has got

[teel]

justa7: That is not true. It sounds corny and romantic, but it's just not what real life is about. Were you in a long relationship? (10 months in this case) Don't tell me after 1 year of almost daily meeting her you still just leave everything to be with her, because you 'realize what you got'. That's BS.