why are people turned of by people with mental; health problems?????

[gollom555]

ive been docs and talking therapy and group therapy so have done a bit. i do have issues but it doesnt matter.

[RdHrshyKss]

Gollom, do you realize you asked a question... I realized it pertained to me and I answered said question, then you went off the deep end for my OPINION and what I would do. Why did you even ask the question if you were going to go crazy on the people that told you the truth? I'm not trying to spread an agenda, I answered all questions given and you went nuts. You do have issued apparently.

oh please...his question was obviously linked to his own experience and you were very direct and abrupt regarding your answers. and i personally appreciate your honesty because it created a discussion, which is the purpose of this forum.

yes, he took your answers personally because it is personal for him. and after he put his experiences out there you sent a 4 word reply that had no relevance other than to point out the obvious and be insensitive. saying "you obviously have issues" does not answer any questions that were brought forth in this thread. that is when the OP went "crazy" on you, not because you answered his original question.

the OP started the thread to ask fellow forumers why people prematurely judge people when they are honest about their issues with depression. he didn't come on here to be told that he has issues...i think he already knows that, why else would he be on meds and seeking therapy? when you make a personally attacking statement like that, expect the person to retaliate, it's just common sense.

[sparkle_jello]

oh please...his question was obviously linked to his own experience and you were very direct and abrupt regarding your answers. and i personally appreciate your honesty because it created a discussion, which is the purpose of this forum.

yes, he took your answers personally because it is personal for him. and after he put his experiences out there you sent a 4 word reply that had no relevance other than to point out the obvious and be insensitive. saying "you obviously have issues" does not answer any questions that were brought forth in this thread. that is when the OP went "crazy" on you, not because you answered his original question.

the OP started the thread to ask fellow forumers why people prematurely judge people when they are honest about their issues with depression. he didn't come on here to be told that he has issues...i think he already knows that, why else would he be on meds and seeking therapy? when you make a personally attacking statement like that, expect the person to retaliate, it's just common sense.

My four word reply was because he started acting all nuts in his post saying I discriminate. You can't use the word discriminate when it comes to dating, some people don't prefer blonds, so if they don't date blonds it's discriminating? That is taking the word WAY too literally. His responses are really crazy... really!

[RdHrshyKss]

My four word reply was because he started acting all nuts in his post saying I discriminate. You can't use the word discriminate when it comes to dating, some people don't prefer blonds, so if they don't date blonds it's discriminating? That is taking the word WAY too literally. His responses are really crazy... really!

i think there might be a bit of a language barrier here so keep that in mind.

[all alone]

Well this is loosely defined.. mental health.. I mean are we talking about someone who is undiagnosed and unwilling to be treated?.. there are severalll different kinds of dissorders, not just kinds, but also sub varieties (for example, MANY different kinds of depression).

Secondly, when talking about an issue such as depression, there needs to be certain distinctions made. Some are caused almost entirely by chemical imbalances in the brain and are not developed like certain other types. For example, I know certain kinds of Bi-polar or manic depression there is LARGE component which is genetic and typically needs to be treated with drugs. Yes, psychotherapy is an option in treatment and is often used in conjunction, however the genetic portion and chemical imbalance truly require drugs.

As for those who can't believe someone can be diagnosed with a mental illness and it not be blatantly obvious to any idiot, my father is manic depressive and you wouldn't be any the wiser unless he told you. It has been monitored closely and diagnosed early on and medicated properly. He goes for a check up once a year to double check stuff with his doc, thats about it. No crazy mood swings, no extreme highs, nothing like that.

Don't toss all mental health issues in one basket, they are so varied and different based on the individual. I truly wish there were less social stigma about this issue.

[M08well]

I agree to say mental health issues may create a stigma since there is a plethra of possibilites which could fall under that title. I would say working on your psychological concerns should be first and foremost in your life, then pursue a relationship. It may be difficult to enter into a relationship if you are not happy yourself. Have you been diagnosed with depression and anxiety? If so, you should seek appropriate treatment, counseling, ect. before trying to start a relationship. Good luck.

[Spoonandfork]

why are people turned of by people with mental; health problems?????
i have mental health problems and if u knew me u would not think i have but i have. why are people put off by this???

because there are plenty of other people with good personalities who don't have mental health problems. It's like asking "why would someone not buy a boat with holes?" You can, but why waste your time and effort to try and keep it afloat when there are plenty of boats without holes?

[RdHrshyKss]

because there are plenty of other people with good personalities who don't have mental health problems. It's like asking "why would someone not buy a boat with holes?" You can, but why waste your time and effort to try and keep it afloat when there are plenty of boats without holes?

i guess if you like looking at people as inanimate objects that are for your picking, your ideology works... i think the point here is that people are too quick to judge and categorize others into one big lump of "depressed people" when there are many varieties of depression. if someone has their depression under control, is getting therapy in conjunction with medication if that is what their form of depression calls for, there is no reason to shun them from the world of relationships.

you can use the same argument about adopting children. why adopt a child from a third world country when you can produce a child of your own who will be genetically yours? well, because everyone deserves to be loved...everyone has issues in one way or another, so to say that people who suffer from depression are damaged goods compared to someone who may not suffer depression is a falsity. someone who suffers from depression might have loads more going for them in different areas of their life that you can't find in a "boat without holes"...so to prematurely judge them makes you lose out on an opportunity for happiness. it makes you close-minded and ignorant in my opinion. how do you know whether it would be an issue or not if you don't even try? again, this is all based on the fact that the person is getting treatment and has their depression under control.

[vashti]

I wouldn't date someone who identified themselves as having mental health issues. It's one thing to be depressed, and quite another to embrace that label for yourself, which tends to color the way you interact with the world. Also, antidepressant medication often causes problems with impotence. uuuhhhh... no thanks.

[gollom555]

okay. ive opened a big can of worms here. i thank the people for their honesty without attacking me with their opinions.

i have started this off thru my own ecperiences. and yes whilst some people's attitudes change when they have got told they have depression, others dont as some of the things they do make them happy. to judge someone before knowing the is only going to hurt the other person. i have got some good characteristics going for me but i dont have some others may have. i am on 2 diff types of drugs and all they do is make me more alert, help me sleep and help my brain think a little less. this does make me slightly less clever, but im 6 foot 4, just under 200 pounds in weight and im well built and okay looking. i have manic depression yet i still try to do everything everyone else does. just because im stuck with a label doesnt mean im any different like any other person with mental health problems.

i have put this in other comments but i tell people to be honest as i think it is better to tell them than them to find out. would you rather have someone who would lie to you or someone who is honest????

i once again thank you for your comments x

[vashti]

No offense, but "manic depression" is the designer mental health illness of this decade. All the cool kids have it, just like all the cool kids in the 90s had ADHD. THis is not to say that this diagnosis doesn't exist, but it is WAY over-diagnosed, and even as a nurse, I am reluctant to buy in to it.

If you don't want people to judge you for embracing this diagnosis, then don't tell them. The fact that you choose to be hurt that other people may not maintain interest after you bare your soul is really not anyone else's problem - it's yours. Other people have their own issues to bear (and many of them are more visible, such a obesity). Do you think they are embraced by the public any more than you are?

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Besides, the only real reason for disclosing this information prematurely is to manipulate the other person in to handling you gently.

An alternative solution is for you to only date other people who label themselves this way.

[RdHrshyKss]

No offense, but "manic depression" is the designer mental health illness of this decade. All the cool kids have it, just like all the cool kids in the 90s had ADHD. THis is not to say that this diagnosis doesn't exist, but it is WAY over-diagnosed, and even as a nurse, I am reluctant to buy in to it.

If you don't want people to judge you for embracing this diagnosis, then don't tell them. The fact that you choose to be hurt that other people may not maintain interest after you bare your soul is really not anyone else's problem - it's yours. Other people have their own issues to bear (and many of them are more visible, such a obesity). Do you think they are embraced by the public any more than you are?

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Besides, the only real reason for disclosing this information prematurely is to manipulate the other person in to handling you gently.

An alternative solution is for you to only date other people who label themselves this way.

i tend to agree with vashti on this. if your depression is under control and has no real impact on your daily life, then there isn't a real need to disclose it to anyone. i still have the viewpoint that people are extremely ignorant about it and stereotype to certain extremes, but if it doesn't really affect you that much, then why tell your partner about it? i'd only relay it if asked...and if your partner leaves you because you say you have it, even though it hasn't caused any problems at all since you've been together, than the person isn't worth your time anyways.

[gollom555]

i have been to many of docs and hosp and they have all diagnosed me the same way. and if u are a nurse u should understand a bit about the problems. it doesnt affect me some days but others it can as with any other mental illness.

but as i said before

would you date someone who lied to you or somone who was honest.

i do not tell people so they can be more gentle on me. i expect to be treated as a human and as normal as i can. i may have problems but i look after people before i look after myself. i am only human just as we all are. i dont think people should be labelled but its what is happenning these days. manic depression is not the in thing. why would i be seeing specialists if it was the 'IN' thing. i came on here for advice and help but i have uncovered the true stigma that people with problems face everyday.

it shouldnt matter weather i tell people or not weather i have problems. i dont feel sorry for myself i feel sorry for other who have to put up with the shit people give against thoes with problems. i think if most people lived a month in the shoes of someone with an actual problem they would think alot differently.

im prob one of the most caring people and all of my friends would back me up on that one. i think it is right that people know i have problems as then they know im being honest. im not just saying ow i have ........
i also say im getting help for it and i may have ups and downs.

[vashti]

Yeah, no one else has problems, and no one else ever has a problem with depression, and that's why we can't relate. lol

[doppelgaenger]

Yeah, it is cool to be depressed. That's why there are emo kids running around, dying their hair black, wearing black clothes, and listening to whiny, suicidal music. To me, that's unattractive - a person who has to use a mental condition as an excuse to cover up their true feelings or personality for acceptance. The truth is that we're all weird on the inside and a person who has to wear their condition as a badge is kind of pathetic, because they let it define them. Anyhow, I think most people wouldn't mind mental/physical conditions, it's just something you don't talk about on the first date.

I think that if I went to a shrink, I would be diagnosed for all kinds of things and they'd lock me up and I'd never see daylight again, lol.