Shoulde I continue with this relationship or stop?

[coconut nice]

Everyone,

My boyfriend was my colleague before, we know each other more than two yeaars before we started dating. We get along with each other a year and 3 months since we first dating.
He rent his own place long time close his company, his parents both around 80 years old living also close to his company in Toronto downtown. He has to spend many time to look after his parents, help them clean apartment, take them shopping, walk..... and so on. for me is ok he has parents. But I don't think has parents can stop him has own family.

We have many things in common, kind of match each other. My kids also like him. The problem is our relationship couldn't move forward. He talk about move in one time, but he think it's too far my home to his work and parents. His work around 30 minutes drive from my home.


Our status is:
He came my home 3, 4 times a week, most of the time came at 9 or 10 clock. some time he read story for kids while they not sleep yet. usually we spend weekend for one day. We spend most of time before sleeping and sleep together.Kids do not see him often. He always ask me before he come. " can I came tonight? if you don't mind" "I have no plan tonight, I can come tonight, but if you don't want, I also have many things at my home need to do."......

I don't know what's his role for kids, I think kids really confuse him and their own father. my kids 5 and 7 years old, they asked if they can have two fathers. Maybe I shouldn't let him see my kids that time.

I really don't know if our relation is normal to keep like this. and how long keep like this is normal? I need a stable relation, a family life and he come my home after work, spend family life with kids. Maybe he doesn't want take some much responsibility? for now, he is very flexible, while he want himself, he goes to his home, while want with parents he go to his parens, when he wants me, he come to me. But I don't like, I need a man to rely on, kids also need a man who can show up as a family member.

Who can give me some idea? stop this or.........?

[Judie]

Why don't you ask him the same questions that you are asking us? I think he should know and you should make sure that you both are on the same page. If your needs and plans don't match, you will know right then and there and then move in or move on. Good luck!

[girl68]

Why don't you both compramise and move half way in between a 15min commute to work isn't bad.

[coconut nice]

Why don't you ask him the same questions that you are asking us? I think he should know and you should make sure that you both are on the same page. If your needs and plans don't match, you will know right then and there and then move in or move on. Good luck!

I really feel we are match very well, I don't want to lose him, I am afraid if after talke about it, half of the result is beak up.

[Judie]

Dear coconut nice, I understand your fear and I wouldn't want any harm for you and your little ones. But the sooner you gather all the information you need to make your decision and improve your life, the better the rest of your life will be. You could also move in together to somewhere close to his work and his parents, if feasible. Btw, I commute 30 mins each way everyday to work and know a lot of people who does the same or even more, so it is very doable for either one of you who might end up living farther away from your job. I would talk to him, though. Be calm, honest and with care.

[coconut nice]

Thanks Judie for your suggestion. I talk to him on weedend, he said he tried to come to my home more, then he may get used to come in daily basis. Let's see.

[Judie]

Good! He is willing to make an effort. You just need to take some time and see how it goes. If you're not happy with a relationship, either modify it or change it.

You're welcome and all the best!