Should I answer her phone ?

[TomerT]

Hi All,
Some of you may already know my story, but for the new ones short summary:
2.5 months ago my beloved x-gf (lets call her H.) went to 1.5 months vacation to her country (with my "blessing" and encourangement btw ).
After a week, on Skype, she asked me for time and space which I unarguably accepted (of course I was destroyed and cried like a baby weeks after, but she didn't know anything of this.
I just told her that I love her, respect her decision and decided to give her time to enjoy time with her family (she didn't see them more than 3 years)
During this time she tried to call me twice, but I missed her call, I called her back - she didn't answer...So we never talk since then.
Fast forward: after 1.5 months I am coming to the airport to meet her, BUT discover that she came back with her X (from last long 3 years relationship)
I knew that he will be there (they are both from the sam city originally), but I could never ever imagine that they can back together.
We talked about it many times, and I said to her that if there is a slightly chance to fix her old relationship - she should take this chance.
She swear to me that there is nothing left, they tried so many times and he caused her too much pain that she can not go through all this again.
I was completely calm. Completely. He called her and texted her occasionally (I never asked her what is this about, caused I blindly trusted her.
Was it a mistake, btw ? Probably. I was never jelous...I encouraged her to talk with him, to finish in a nice and polite way (if there is something unresolved left)
Nevermind...of course in the airport I couldn't even approach her, she passsed near me (withiot even noticing). I felt completely sh.tted.
So, I couldn't hold myself and sent her a short msg: "Hi, what's up ? You look good "....
After few hours, I received a message from her mum where she asked me not to make any contact to her daughter cause her new (old) bf very jelous,
completely controlling her (including phone, msgs, emails..any way to comunicate with outside world..I am not talking about see me)
This is only the beginning: Next day, her mum informs me that H. accidentally (!) pregnant (not from me of course)...
The next day H. finally calling me from the public toilet from her mum phone crying and saying:
"I'm sorry (this is her favorite !), I don't know what happened, it wasn't planned that we will come back, our family pushed us to come back,
I am confused, I don't know what to do, What do you think if I do an abortion ? Will you take me back ?" and stuff like this...
I told her: "Honey, seems to me you have already decided, I wish you all the best". she had to disconnect cause her new (old..whatever) spouse start to "sniff" something...
also of course she accused me saying that she is angry at me, that it is my fault cause I so easily accepted her suggestion for a break.
BTW, the next day I almost bought a ticket to come to her country, just to come for one day and talk to her,
but she begged me not to come, saying this is not a good time and she need her space. Now she accused me that I had to be more "persistent"...
another "funny" saying was that she was thinking about me when she was fuc..king with him (whicj made me very happy)

Now, after that we never had a chance to talk. I gave all her staff from my place back to her mum (that always claimed that loved me llike a son)
BTW, her mum told me that H. is very worry about me...I wonder how ? Nevermind...Also, I used this opportunity and wrote to H. a letter (cause we couldn't communicate in any way),
her X (apparently not X anymmore) took complete control over her freedom (the strange thing that she silently agreed to it...)
I wrote her how much she unjustified had hurt me, wished her good luck and promised not to interefere to her new happiness.
Also, I suggested her start to take reposnibility for her decisions and actions and stop accusing evreryone (me, family, Lord - she love to say "it is Lord will"). etc...
also I suggested her to look for a proffesional help to resolve her confusions, since I am too much emotioanlly involved in all this.

Now, I pretty sure, that she is not happy with her decision to come back to her X and of course with the outcomes of this decision.
I almost pretty sure (at least I hope) that she really sorry that she lost me, cause she knows she didn't lose a lover but a best friend she could ever have,
moreover in the most ugliest way... Now since then she tried to contact me few times - the first time I blocked her number and sent automatic message
that number is disconnected, after a week she called again - her number was blocked with another automatic message below:

===
Hi honey, I really don't know the reason you finally decided to
contact me, but it's already not so important anymore. All this time, I
couldn't stop thinking about you for a second and missed you like a crazy. I
was praying to see you. If you only knew what I was going through since
3-Aug 11am, but apparently you couldn't care less. I don't know why (and
accept the fact that probably will never know) you treated me like a trash
and consequently killed me and any feeling inside me toward you: love,
attraction, affection, compassion, even friendship that I suggested you -
you also killed. Or may be it is Lord will ? But why ? Thank you for
releasing me from your 'poison love' and the valuable lesson in life. I'm also paying for my own mistakes now. Goodbye and good luck in anything you do.
====

I know it's rough. But after what she did I don't see any reason to make life easy for her....
Anyway, I didn't answer not cause I didn't want talk with her - of course I was dying to meet her...
In my heart she still stayed "honey", but I wanted her not to hide behind the pphone and disconnect when real questions arise (she is really good in it)
but I wanted her to come and talk to my eyes. She knows how to find me, she did it before (when we have our arguments), we live 5 mins apart. Is it too much to expect after what she did ?

If she just would come, genuily talk to me, explain wtf happen and how she plan to fix all this mess..
I really was considering to give us anotther chance. Really. May be I am naive. But I loved her infinitely.
And I know, I also made her very happy and better person and that she also loved me. We were talking "family, kids, house"...

Now it already 17 days she didn't call. BTW, last week was her birthday and I totally ignored it...
I don't know what is going on in her life, she doesn't know about mine (she may assume that I already dating and sleeping with dozens of other girls...
for some reason sometimes she has this kind if impression about me she has no idea how much I hurt about her...
Knowing her weak personality, I am ssuming she still with him...waiting untill something happen...may be not..may be she found a courage
to fix her mistake...I know for sure she is not happy with him and eventually (if still not) they will break.

Now, I think it is reasonable to assume she will call me someday (hopefully soon)..Should I answer or ignore with "number not active msg." ?
Sometimes I really angry and tell to myslef that she doesnt deserve to see my face or to hear my voice in this life.
She should live with herself and her concious (if she has one) eating her inside. On the other hand, we all do mistakes,
I also not an angel. May be she really want to meet and talk, express deep and true regret and try to fix things and I deprive this chance from both of us ?
After what she did, and more importantly how she handled (more precisely not handled) it, I don't see any serious future with this girl.
but for me it is also important to make a closure. We never talked. she left as my gf (we had protected (!) sex hour before her flight), came back pregnant with her X.
Isn't it hilarious ?!

[Agape]

"Isn't it hilarious ?! "

No.

No offence, but do you have a learning disability or some sort of emotional problem? . . . I look at your posts and your topics, "My X-gf birthday in 3 days - pls need your advice" and "Cheating girlfriend - second chance" and I'm just dumbstruck by how naive and stubborn and needy/desperate you are. I really am speechless.

You get closure but CUTTING OF CONTACT! . . . LEAVE HER! . . . MOVE ON!

[TomerT]

I am not needy, I have been with girls after her. My life us quite busy, but still I can not stop thinking about her. I want to move on, believe me. I just thought if we will meet and have final goodbye talk it will be easier for me to move on. Don't you think? On the other hand I am so angry at her that don't want her to see my face ever again. Apparently total NC does not work for me. You right, I was healthy but developed emotional disorder. I want to cure it.

[NewStart]

When my marriage ended, I had moments of NEEDING to call her. It never helped to talk; it just drew out the pain. You might try thinking of her like a drug that you've quit: Ignore the cravings, avoid relapse, and you'll feel better for it in the long run. Start by setting a small goal: "I won't talk to her for X number of days." When you've reached that, lengthen it. In my opinion, No Contact is the absolute best way to regain your sanity after a break up. Surround yourself with good people, get active and do things you enjoy. By staying busy, you'll have less time to dwell on the past. Time to move forward!