long distance drama

[hellraiser]

Me and highschool sweetheart spent all 4 years together and we split up because she left for college and moved across the country. We stayed in touch and visited for the next year but eventually she found someone there and our communication stopped. So 10 years went by and as i found her on facebook and sent her an email. We reconnected instantly and she was married with a 2 year old daughter , i was also in a 7 year relationship at this point. Over the next 2 months we talked and started to fall in love again.

She came and visited me and we spent 4 days in a hotel room , sharing love and time. It was a very passionate and intimate get together. She told me her husband was unemotional and made her feel empty alot and wasnt happy with him and i had some issues in my own relationship that made me cheat. So she goes home and within a few days he reads some texts from her phone and finds out what had happened. She tells me she doesnt love him anymore and moves out of the bedroom and into a spare room. We still communicate alot and i give her alot of emotional support and attention with phone calls and emails during this time. A few months later we meet in florida where her mother lives and spend the day in a hotel , another very passionate event with our sharing of feelings and love. Im still in my relationship at this point. We talk about how we cant be together in a normal relationship because i have a daughter and a business on the east coast and she has a daughter on the west coast and she doesnt want to take her daughter away from her husband , which i understand completely and cant argue.

A few more months go by with lots of communication and i end the relationship im in. Then she tells me shes going to try and work it out with her husband and it breaks my heart and puts me into a depression. She basically cuts me off from any communication for a month and a half as she goes to marriage counseling , i start to get over it and go out and meet someone and she finds out and instantly calls me and tells me shes done with her husband and i drop the women i had met to ease her because i know shes jealous.

Over the next year we visit each other alot maybe 1 time every 2 months and each visit gets worse because im started to withdrawal from her because i fear shes going to shut me out again and hurt me and i want to protect myself from her we also have alot of internet sex and dates and try to stay as connected with each other as we can. During her last visit she brought her daughter which i encouraged and we had very little time to ourselves and we acted very shut off from each other and unresponsive.

Over the next few months our contact was limited but we were still in a long distance relationship in my mind. im really withdrawn and she calls me once a week and basically is angry with me and trying to understand , and i tell her how i feel. I honestly believe i went through a depressional period where i didnt really communicate much with anyone in my life , her included. Eventually i come out of whatever funk i was in and she still texts me and calls and shes very happy all of a sudden , she sends nude pictures and sexts me and i tell her id like to come see her and all of a sudden i get a text that says shes seeing someone else , which confuses me because of all the flirting shes been doing. I get upset because i feel shes trying to just take all the sexual energy i give her and attention and emotion and put it into this new relationship. It turns out it was only a rebound and lasted 1 month and ended.

So at this point i try to reconnect but shes emotionally shut down to me. I caught her in a lie and found out she was having sex with her husband alot when they were trying to fix their marriage , she told me they tried 1 time and it was a horrible thing for her , i wasnt even angry when i talked to her about it and she instantly gets mad and screams into the phone that it was none of my business about her and her husband and tries to turn the whole lie into something that i should feel bad about. She gets angry whenever i try to talk about my feelings. I just dont understand how someone can get angry when they are having a conversation with someone that is very calm and loves them. She says she just wants to be friends now. I would continually catch her lying to me about things that would upset me and her only response is that if i dont want to be her friend i should move on or she turns it around on me and says that she lies because she knows ill be angry with her if she tells me the truth. She still loves to flirt in all the ways she did before. Im so confused and distraught and i do what most people do in this situation and flood her constantly with emotion and try to find out why shes acting the way she is , but its like im talking to a wall , theres just no emotion from her. She tells me she wants to be single because she never has been , which is true. Shes been in relationships her whole life until now. She constantly contradiicts herself and gives me mixed signals , she tells me she cant see me because of the emotions she will feel and that she will want to be in a relationship again. Shes very defensive now and doesnt see how hurt and confused i am seeing her personality change. During this time she calls me everyday and talks to me for an hour and texts me and seems to seek my approval alot. She honestly wants everything i ever gave her when we were in a relationship , she just doesnt want to feel tied down to me.

So a few days ago she goes to a bar and meets a guy and has a one night stand. The next day we are talking and she is expressing guilt and remorse towards me and i dont even know whats happened yet , but i sense she did something that is not her normal self and she regrets it , i know her so well its like reading a book and i can see through her. Eventually she told me what happened and i was upset all over again , because i am deeply in love with her.she tells me she wishes she could jump into my arms and cry and feel loved. But the next day she projects the opposite feelings towards me and kinda rubs it in my face. She says she can do what she wants and doesnt have to feel guilty and shes single and wants to live life without restraints. I eventually sent her an email telling her how much i care for her but i dont want to be involved in her life even as a friend and watch her acting so strange and seeking sex without feeling connected to someone. I know she still has lots of emotions and love for me but just is hiding them. I also think shes trying to prove to me that she doesnt need me in her life maybe. Im very confident that i will always be very established in her mind as the love of her life because i opened her up to a very strong loving connection with lots of communication, its something she had never shared with her husband or any man before me. I guess im wondering what peoples thoughts are on this huge drama , any advice for me because i do love her more than ive loved another and i hate seeing her doing this with her life at the moment. Its just such a strange feeling to know someone so well and within a few months they act so opposite of the person u fell in love with.

[IncognitoSir]

Wow, drama does not desribe this situation at all. I think the word you're looking for is IMMATURITY! Both of yous! She wants your emotional support and you love giving her emotional support. Basically she uses you when she needs to and you allow yourself to be used. Clearly you are very easily manipulated by her........even from across the ****ing country! She needs to grow up and move on with her life, and you need to do the same. High School is over and you two, as great as you MIGHT have been at one point, will not work as a couple. You have some serious self respect issues you need to address my friend. You ended a 7 year relationship for a married woman who lives 1000 miles away. Yeah, I know, you had issues in your relationship right and all of a sudden when you reestablish contact with your ex it's no longer worth trying to work out??? I say you lose contact with her again and work on that respect thing I mentioned. Oh, and you're both cheaters which is almost the worst thing you can be.

[Agape]

Advice probably wouldn't help . . . I'd ask you, "Use objective reasoning from a third person point of view to figure out why this relationship worth it?"

I don't get it, it's up/down on/off disrespectful untrustworthy long-distance e-relationship?! All the properties of failure . . . why do you put up with it? . . . if anything, you just like that emotional rollercoaster? if you really didn't like it, you would have ended it already, or at least distanced yourself from the problems associated with her.

CUT CONTACTS! . . . LEAVE HER! . . . MOVE ON!