Going great, then she says she needs time to get over her ex and cant see me anymore

[m1085r]

Ok, really need ur opinion here as it's kinda specific and can't find it from general searches. And, I have to have some advice one way or another.

So, I met a girl who was 4-5 weeks out of a 9 month relationship with her ex, whom she did love at the time. They broke up because he was controlling and said she was too much for him.

Anyway, we meet and have an amazing time, shared the same interests, didn't stop talking, were comfortable around each other, got intimate early and simply all was going well.

Though she did say she could see it developing into something more, she did say, and I agreed from the off, that we should go easy and not rush things. However, as the weeks went on and we kept having good times, we started to call each other nicknames and spoke about the future, even though we always maintained we'd go slow. We met each others parents and friends and text 20 times a day. This was for 5 weeks.

Anyway, one day she says to me that she saw her ex the day before (first time since they split), and she said that she realized that by seeing him and some of the things he said to her, that she couldn't see me any more and she didn't want anything from anyone. It's not that she wants to get back with her ex, she really dislikes him for what he did to her.

So, I (and her), get upset and tell her exactly how I feel (I would have regretted it otherwise) and she just says I'm too nice to get hurt like this and she's sorry. She also said part of her wishes she wasn't saying this and wishes she'd have met a year later. Also, she says i've treat her better than any guy has done in the past. It's been a few days and we hadn’t text (her last text to me didn't include a kiss and was very off).

****UPDATE****

Then, after the cold message on wed, 3 days later she texts me saying "Hey, hope your well, just wishing you good luck for the game 2moro x". I leave it a few hours, respond saying i'm doing well, just relaxing in pub etc . Say i'll let her know how we get on and lave the message closed.

The next day after the game, were both online on facebook and after 5 mins or so she asks me "How did u get on?" I respond, make a joke, she replies, i say something, she does. I then, say how i've gotta go cos my teas cooking etc and wish her a good day at work (she works nights) and then end with "spk sn x". To which she doesnt reply and I return online an hour later and were both online for 2 or so hours and she says nothing. I only expected a "thanks, have a good evening, bye x" sort of thing.

So what do you think this means. I mean twice now she initiated conversation (text then facebook), but particuarly when on facebook she was off and didnt respond at all to when i put bye..... ???

Very confusing! What do you think she wants? and what should i do? Was thinking of leaving it 3 or 4 days and asking her how her new jobs going?

Help!

Much thanks!

x

[JELEF]

Haven't we already sorted this one out? You've posted it here or on another forum, yeah?

[xxazurexx]

She likes you, but she likes him more.

He's her 'first' choice and she's keeping you around and simply incase all fails with her ex.

Guess this is what happens and when you are willing to take risks with people fresh out of relationships.

[m1085r]

Haha, yeah thats right.

It's what it says after the UPDATE bit thats confused me. I didn't expect to hear from her at all and I was going to leave it but she opened up communication, twice, then was off ish.

I've never really had a relationship before after a break up so never fully understood the idea of having to move on completely. I just, and she did, moved too quickly cos we were good together. I've realised that i'm not wanting to get in a relationship with her while she clearly isn't ready.

I could, generally, maintain a friendship though but unsure if this is wise, for her. Was thinking of waiting a week or so before messaging her something along the lines of:

"Hi. Just want to say thanks for what you did. I apologise for going quickly when you clearly weren't ready for a relationship. Think we got carried away a little. Anyway, I realise I definitely don't want to be in a relationship when your clearly not ready so thank you for what you did. Anyway, I think we should start over, not dating, just completely start over. You wanna go running with us next week? No more haha"

??

[xxazurexx]

Haha, yeah thats right.

It's what it says after the UPDATE bit thats confused me. I didn't expect to hear from her at all and I was going to leave it but she opened up communication, twice, then was off ish.

You can bet she opened up communication and because she is unsure of where it is headed with her ex, if anywhere. I would dare bet you ONE HUNDRED QUID, that she has been in touch with her ex and since she saw him that day. She will have opened up the lines of communication with him, only she may not be getting from him what she was hoping for....but she's still hoping she might. So long as she holds onto hope of getting him back, you will remain on the sidelines and she will keep you there.

No I wouldn't remain her friend. While you think your relationship was wonderful, she obviously didn't think it matched the one previous, else she'd still be with you.

But if you don't mind being downgraded to 'friend', while she goes off testing the waters with the ex (which I can guarantee she will be doing), then good luck to you.

[TomerT]

I think the situation is not as bad as it seems...
At least she was honest with you (which shows a lot of her personality) - she could "testing water with her x", while being with you...
So it seems to me she is a honest and responsible person...

Regarding "you being her plan B"..If you think about it - we all do rank our priorities and make choices that look best for us, right ?
As long as she not playing with your feelings, I think there is nothing wrong if she take her time to get over her X...
Even if they in touch, as long as nothing happening between them, I think it only can be to your favour.
May be she will realize that you much better and then she will never have regrets, otherwise she could always think "what if"...