Should I Worry about My Girls Promiscuity?

[John15]

So I've been dating this girl for about two months. I really like her and we get along great, but certain things she's said lead me to believe she's permiscious and I should worry about it.

First things first, shes going for a Phd and has a heavy work load and has a very mellow relaxed personality. Not sure if that makes a difference. We've also been "active" together.

A few weeks ago she went out with her friends and got "black out drunk". She didn't remember the cab ride home basically and wound up staying at a friends place (she got sick). She tells me about how much she drank and then goes "The last thing I remember, well, that's not for you to know!" I inquire further and she refuses to divulge any details other than she thinks she embarrassed herself in front of the underclassmen.

A few other details came out. "I just need to learn to say no to guys buying me drinks." "I was off making... new friends. My friends weren't around to watch me, they usually keep me on a leash from the onslaught." "Good thing I left when I did or I would have got into trouble."

Well that got me worried... but the next weekend she abstained from drinking, and she insisted it was nothing "too crazy"

This weekend she got drunk two nights in a row, though not shitfaced. And she tells me "ugh I need to stop this before I get in trouble. And not just say I'm going to." When I asked her what she meant by that she said "uninhibited trouble." I asked her what she meant by that and she more or less ignored the question.

I really like her, but this bothers me. I have two questions:

1) Should I assume she just likes to get drunk and hook up with random guys? Am I wrong to assume that?

2) I would like her as a girlfriend, but if I need to worry about that then I'm not interested. How can I ask her what really went down at the club / if I can trust her without coming off badly? I need to know what "uninhibited trouble" really means.

Any opinions would help.

[sparkle_jello]

Who cares what she's done when she hasn't even been in a relationship with you! How many guys have acted this EXACT same way? Can't a girl have a little fun? When going to a busy bar I can barely last ten minutes without someone offering me to buy a drink, it's just how things are. Even if she screwed 100 guys in the past, doesn't make her a cheater, although I would hope she used protection.

[John15]

Well I don't really care about the past per se, but my opinion is once you're sleeping with someone you cut off anything else and see if something progresses. At least I do. It just seems slutty otherwise to me, and dosent seem to bode well as her for girlfriend material.

Or did I miss a memo or something?

[sparkle_jello]

Well I don't really care about the past per se, but my opinion is once you're sleeping with someone you cut off anything else and see if something progresses. At least I do. It just seems slutty otherwise to me, and dosent seem to bode well as her for girlfriend material.

Or did I miss a memo or something?

You missed a big memo stating not everyone dates the same way and it doesn't make the slutty to date differently. I ****ed a few frogs before I found my prince.

[Spoonandfork]

1) Should I assume she just likes to get drunk and hook up with random guys? Am I wrong to assume that?

you're not wrong to assume that but you also cannot assume it's true either

2) I would like her as a girlfriend, but if I need to worry about that then I'm not interested. How can I ask her what really went down at the club / if I can trust her without coming off badly? I need to know what "uninhibited trouble" really means.

don't ask her; run away. A relationship is built on trust. You shouldn't have to question what your partner does when you're not around. The girl you're dating now isn't relationship material. Let her get shit-faced drunk every night and be some other guy's problem

[doppelgaenger]

I don't think I would enjoy being with someone who is a drunk, especially if they are going for a PhD... that's just ****ed up. If I were in grad school, I wouldn't be drinking at all.

[lovesjoyajm]

I don't think I would enjoy being with someone who is a drunk, especially if they are going for a PhD... that's just ****ed up. If I were in grad school, I wouldn't be drinking at all.

Yeah, totally. If I was going out with a drunk, I'd prefer a stupid one.

[Only-virgins]

Even if she screwed 100 guys in the past, doesn't make her a cheater.

No but it sure makes her a whore. Girl, guy, or a Mountain Lion..doesn't matter who or what you are...f*cking 100 people is straight up gross and I wouldn't touch that shit with a ten foot pole...well maybe just beat her with it.

[Only-virgins]

This sounds to me like a future member of alcohol anonymous. I would leave her be. Just because a woman doesn't mention that it is "official" doesn't mean they can just disrespect the people they are sleeping with and seeing. Maybe if she was more honest. Sounds to me like she is hiding something and also a bit to loose when she drinks. She sounds a but ashamed of her actions after yet most likely repeats them, this usually falls back on bad childhood experiences.

If this is some kind of loop around women are using I am from now on going to make sure I hear the words "It is official" before I start touching.

A few weeks ago she went out with her friends and got "black out drunk". She didn't remember the cab ride home basically and wound up staying at a friends place (she got sick). She tells me about how much she drank and then goes "The last thing I remember, well, that's not for you to know!" I inquire further and she refuses to divulge any details other than she thinks she embarrassed herself in front of the underclassmen.

Break it off with her and if she asks why just reply with " It's not for you to know".

[Agape]

Unless you want to be the shoulder for a recovering alcoholic, she's not really gf potential. . . "shes going for a Phd and has a heavy work load and has a very mellow relaxed personality", um, doesnt' sound right?

[doppelgaenger]

Yeah, totally. If I was going out with a drunk, I'd prefer a stupid one.

Hahaha, you got me.

What I meant to say is that a grad student with a drinking problem is no exception. I would be less worried about her promiscuity and instead I'd be worrying about compatibility issues as a result of her drinking habits. I have the impression that the OP is a reserved guy who doesn't do a lot of drinking and his gf sounds like a liberaniac drunkard with no dignity. This is someone who is willing to risk her reputation through foolish acts of drunken mayhem. Who really wants to be seen with that person - the person with no self-control? It's ridiculous. I can't stand it when people get blackout drunk and use that as a coverup story for their crappy behavior. I'd probably get really irritated if I was dating a girl who was telling me this shit. I'd probably give her a piece of my mind - telling her she lacks responsibility and everything. Heavy workload my ass; diligent students do not go out and get plastered all the time. Hell, even after I finish all my schoolwork, I spend more time doing research in the library. People who go out and get drunk all the time lack ambition, and that's a complete turnoff for me.