Am i cruel?

[valhensing]

So there's this lady who borrowed money from me. I didnt know her all that well and I was recently unemployed at that time so it's very strange that she asked to borrow money from me (she know i lost my job by then). But well, since we're in the society and i thought should give somebody a chance, i lent her 100$ anyway. She said to return it about 2 weeks later, in the end of the month.

And surely enough, she avoided me after the due date arrive, not even a message to say she cant make it on time. I waited another 2 weeks and went to see her and her friends, she saw me but try to avoid talking to me alone, thinking i wouldnt make a mess in front of people. But in the end, i met her after everyone went back (waited for her actually), she said to text me the next day. NOTHING came the next day.

So i texted her, asked her to return in the following week. She texted me back, told me she lost her job. I wrote her a message on facebook:

"Hi,

I'm sorry to hear the bad news. Everything will be ok and i hope you will find a new, better job.

However, when my company closed down and i'm unemployed, i was still trying to lend you the money even though i dont know if i can find a job yet. You could have come to me in the end of last month to tell me you couldnt return the money as promised but you chose to ignore and avoid me instead. I have to ask for the money by myself several times. 100$ isnt a big sum of money but your action is very questionable. Im afraid i cannot look the other way and give you 100$ for free. Please try to return it in next week. Please just return the money on time this time"


She replied:
"I'll try to return it my friend. I saw the breakdown of my salary yesterday. Boss deducted many from me... i dont know where to stay now. I looking for a shelter for nothing will be left on the last pay of 300 only. sorry again."

I waited for a week, nothing, not even a message said she couldnt make it. I wrote her another message:

"Hi,

Im not sure if you forgot about last week... We all need money for our living. Please have the courtesy to return my money especially when you promised me. You are someone whom i trusted, pls dont take advantage of my belief this way. I lent you the money when i lost my job too. You have to understand how hard it was for me and i still lend you the money.

Hard time come and go but a person's dignity wont come back if u lose it. Please keep your words and return the money."


She replied:
"so sorry... Once I sold out my laptop, I will return it back to you. I got nothing in my hands. I replied to your message last week though. I really got almost no last pay. My company deducted the 20days accomodation which i thought before was shouldered by them while they asked me to wait for the starting date of my work with them. Even at this house I havent paid my rental. They just allowed me to stay for they understand my situation. If you only knew, I cant sleep thinking bout my financial problems. Nobody is with me. My family never understand whenever I am jobless like this. I got nothing now sis. I also dont know when all the companies will reply to me for the confirmation to apply my workpass. I just hope, I will get it before 3rd week of October. My kids might stop studying...If I will see you in person, I can explain properly whats happening now. Church friends praying for me that I may start working and start earning again. I am in bad condition nowadays. I'm still lucky, housemates aggreed for me to stay here for a while, Else, I will be sleeping somewhere I still dont know. Sorry again, I am still looking for solution."

Now, i dont even feel a slight bit of sympathy, i gave her all the chances she could have to be a good person and return it but she didnt. My friend said i might be too harsh on her and there's an unspoken rules to not trample on failed people. I DONT CARE! She took it as an excuse to not return me the money!! But then, i want a second opinion, i dont want people shout at me "evil" when she commit suicide because of my harsh words (i tried to soften it a lot already). I just know that ì she met me, she will start to cry and people would think i bully her or something. O.o

[VincenzoG91]

After getting burned in similar ways in the past, this is my current policy on loaning money:

1. If I'm unemployed, I do not loan money. Period. If I just have a temp job, I consider that to be unemployment, for purposes of a loan.

2. If I'm employed and I know you really well, I may loan you money. But only an amount that I can afford to lose, so that our relationship won't suffer if you can't pay me back.

3. If I'm employed and I don't know you really well, I do not loan you money. But I might give you enough for busfare or a meal.

I did foolish things in the past with loans. I loaned money to an ex-girlfriend, thinking that we might get back together or she would at least pay me back. When I was at a temp job, I loaned a fellow temp some money so he could get his car of the impound lot, but he left the temp job and never paid me back. I repeatedly loaned money to a friend who had an obvious spending problem, but at that point, I was a professional debt collector for a law firm. So I treated him like any other deadbeat, with daily phone calls until he paid me back each time. After a few months of this, he left town owing all of his other friends money. But I was paid in full.

[vashti]

Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
---Shakespeare/Hamlet

You won't get your money back, and she has lost a friend. No need to publicly humiliate her any further. You were both foolish to engage in this transaction.