the word "confused" just doesn't cut it...long post, but please read :)

[robster]

Hey guys I am new to the forums and came looking for some advice... here's the story, it is long but I wanted to be as specific as possible so that you can have a good idea on what is happening and hopefully help me out.

I started going out with an ex-coworker. We used to see each other every day, but never had a real friendship going on. I did like her but she had a boyfriend at the time so I never tried anything. We both changed jobs and recently we starting talking more often and so.

By now we have already gone out 3 times.

1. I was at work and was talking to her via IM, it was like 9pm 2-3 weeks ago. Somehow we started talking about food and she said she was in the mood for hot chocolate, so I said, let�s go get one... she was surprised but did not hesitate to agree... we went to Denny's (only place open at that time in Heredia, Costa Rica that sold hot chocolate). We had a nice time, I do think we hit it off nicely, never stopped talking, no awkward silence and laughed a lot. Anyway, I drove her home, said good night and nothing happened...

2. Last Friday night, I got off work earlier and she was online. Asked her if she wanted to go out for dinner and she again agreed without giving it much thought... we went for dinner at a Mexican place, talked a lot, laughed a lot...all good. She then asked if my "temporary roommate" (he is on vacation and needed a place to stay) would mind if we went home because the place was a bit loud and we could not talk (they had live music). I said, no I am sure he won�t mind...so we came to my place...

She asked a lot about my ex (she broke up with me 3 weeks ago, cheated on me while on vacations, never included me on her plans, never really took the relationship very serious, etc. etc.)... So she asked questions about how I was with her, how she was with me, if we enjoyed the time together, if I was a good BF etc, etc.... She then told me about her ex (broke up 7 months ago) and how she was very happy she was no longer with him, she told me all the bad things he had and how obsessive and jealous he was...time went by and it was already 2:30am!! I drove her home, said good night and nothing happened...

****At this point u should be thinking what�s wrong with me, why haven�t I tried anything... well I am a bit shy and after being in a long relationship I think I am kind of rusted on this area....I guess I am just afraid that she just sees me as a friend and will reject me if I try to kiss her or tell her how I feel....Anyway onto date 3..****

3. It was Sunday on that same weekend. She texted me asking what was I doing, I said "not much, how about u"...she said she wasn�t doing much as well...so I asked if she wanted to come over since I rented some movies and bought snacks and that if she wanted she can use the couch (recliner) that she liked so much ... she said she loved to but that she had to wake up at 6am next day to go to work, to which I replied "I'll pick u up in 30min and get u home by 10'' ...she said yes again without giving it much thought.

I get to her house, she looks amazing like always and we head to my place...like you should know by now, conversation is never a problem between us, so we talked about random stuff on the drive home.... we get to my place, go to the movie/office/computer room where the couch is and she sits on it and tells me how she is planning to steal it hehe� I go get some drinks and the snacks I had already bought let her choose the movie and we start to watch it...

I was sitting next to her, soon she leaned on me and I hugged her. Started playing with her hair, etc, etc u know what I mean... she then moves and sits a bit further where I can�t reach.... so THIS IS WHEN I START TO DOUBT... every time I tried to get closer, or "accidentally" touch her hand, she would move away...Anyway we watched the movie and starting talking, listening to music, watching funny videos in YouTube, we were having fun and next thing u know it�s 1am and she is still here!...So we made the decision to skip work and spend the rest of the day together...

Time passed and we then went to sleep...since "temp roomie" is using one of the rooms in the house I offered her my bed and said that I would sleep on the couch....she said that we both fit on the bed and that I could stay with her (I was pretty happy at this point, confused, but happy...don't get me wrong, I had no intentions of having sex with her at this point, even though I would like that very much lol..I usually don't rush things and I think she was aware that I was not gonna try to go at it).... so we are there, talking and then she just turns around and next thing I know all I can see is the back of her head! I begin to wonder what�s up with this girl and for a moment I almost gave up and went to sleep... I put my arm around her to try to bring her closer but got absolutely no response/feedback from her...at that point I turned around and went to sleep...

The next day she was acting weird, I don�t know if it was because she skipped worked and felt bad about it but she was very distant and every time I tried to get closer/ touch her, she would move away....and conversation topics started to lack at this point.
Later that day she had to go to class...we went to pick a friend of hers and because it was raining I offered to drop them at school. When we got there, she got off the car, and she kissed me, not in the cheek, not in the mouth, but right in between, you know where the 2 lips come together, like on the edge (don�t know how to say that specific part of the body in English lol, but you get the point ) she then said goodbye and left.....

We have talked about 2 times via IM and she seems very uninterested.....so I don�t know what to think!!

Thank you very very much for reading this far and I am really looking forward for your thoughts..I really like this girl and would like things to get better between us..

Rob.

[ammi00]

Hah... I read all because I thought it's interesting. A couple of things come to my mind, that might explain the way she acts. The first one is that maybe she's testing her abilities of making someone to be interested into her. I think this is pretty common among women... like when you're wearing something sexy (I don't mean vulgar), you're flirtatious, you act nicely... but you don't want anything serious, just to test how many guys are interested into you. So, she's just playful and doesn't want anything serious from you.
Some other things I was thinking about: maybe she's afraid of a new relationship, or maybe she's just undecided. Though, I'd say these aren't very likely.
You should talk to her, ask her if she'd like to date you and if she thinks you could have a relationship. It's the only way to find out if she really wants something from you, or not.

[justcheckin]

I would feel it out more before you ask about a relationship. I mean 3rd date and shes sleeping at your house is pretty fast paced in my book haha. But who knows, did she really want to stay? Maybe she just likes the attention? I would think that she would snuggle with you a little bit if she was "into" it you know? even if it wasn't anything intament, just something.... to let u know. You said that your conversation has kinda slowed down now? how long as it been since she stayed at your place?

[robster]

I mean 3rd date and shes sleeping at your house is pretty fast paced in my book haha

yeah that's what I thought! And that's why I'm confused, cuz it seems she's interested but at the same time she is not... She did want to stay, actually it was her idea more than it was mine.. I just supported it lol

Conversation slowed the day after she slept over, I haven't seen her but its been hmmm 2 days since I last talked her via IM.. last conversation she was pretty down bc her boss had told her he liked her but she she didn't like him back... so the guy won't differentiate between personal and professional matters and its just being mean to her. Now she doesn't wanna work there anymore etc, etc..I was supportive, offered to help, tried to cheer her up.. she said "thanks for listening" and then logged off... I don't wanna come across needy or pushy so I haven't looked for her lately.

[robster]

So, she's just playful and doesn't want anything serious from you.
Some other things I was thinking about: maybe she's afraid of a new relationship, or maybe she's just undecided

If she's just being playful then that would suck cuz I think she knows I'm interested in her...why would she sleep over if she was just being playful?

During one of our long talks she mentioned between laughs that the next relationship she would had would not be until she is ready to marry...the way she said it and how she doubted it, I can tell you for sure that she did not mean it and its just saying it cuz her last relationship sucked so much. Plus she's just 21 and it doesn't make sense..she knows it and told me she doesn't really know what to do...As an example, she told me she dated a guy before but it didn't work cuz she kept thinking about how she shouldn't get too involved so she never gave herself the chance to feel anything, she knows she shouldn't do it and her friends tell her all the time... Maybe that's whats happening?

[mywitsend]

Sounds to me like she needs a self esteem boost and is using you. Sorry, and maybe I'm wrong.

I think you should sit her down and ask point blank if she is interested in a relationship with you.

[struggling]

could be she's testing ... the waters ... seeing how you'll react to certain situations yet keeping in control what's going to happen in the situation.

i know it sounds like a game, but like anyone, they test their waters, feel the person out, that kind of a thing.

if you are interested in her continue to pursue her and woo her and see where it leads.
at the same time, it's about time to make the move