Am I too young for him?

[brookep]

I'm 18 and my boyfriend of seven months is 26. Yes, eight years apart. He fell for me because he thought I was extremely mature for my age and more agreeable than any girl he'd met. He said he'd given up on looking for the one after a series of failed relationships until he got to know me. We've know each other for nearly three years, but he of course never considered me until now. He's my first boy friend and that really puts me at a disadvantage experience-wise.

Because of this, I don't know what I'm doing or how to handle things. Our relationship would be perfect if not for the fact that my immaturity is revealing itself in more ways as the months pass, whether it's me not handling an issue right or just my lack of knowledge in going about a relationship. I know I'm young and he's my first, but he's the one; everything about him is beautiful and I'm no silly girl when it comes to guys.

I wish I'd had my heart broken a few times before him or that I was closer to his age, but the fact is none of that can happen. So, what now? Can we overcome this speed bump due to my lack of experience or is this terminal? I know that taking a few years off until I'm more mature is not an option. It's normal that, after a while in relationships, the excitement dies down a bit. But there's plenty of evidence of him withdrawing and he's even made threats of us not working out if I kept down that path (basically me putting my foot in my mouth).

Sometimes it's as strong as we were in the beginning and I know he still loves the Me that he fell inlove with and that Me is still here. So, I need advice. General advice about relations, advice about age difference/immaturity, fixing low points in relationships, etc. If you need more info on our relationship, I'll be happy to give it.

I don't know anyone with enough experience and success to give me proper advice and I'm lost without any outside help. Please help!

[ammi00]

At 26 he is not that incredibly-mature either. Anyway, this age difference will always exist between you, so he'll always be one step ahead of you, in what concerns experience.
It's good that you realize you lack experience, but this is normal at your age, and I don't think it can be helped (at least not very much). You can be very mature, I won't deny that, but you do miss experience in some fields.
For example, you couldn't pick on a 7 yr old child, right? To start arguing with him, and try proving him that your opinion is the right one... blah blah... he lacks maturity, and he won't be able to really understand you.
Could you tell me in what kind of situations you feel like you're immature?

[vashti]

The rule to avoid being odd is half-plus-seven, so for him, that would be 20 years minimum. The fact that he is involved with an 18 year old makes me less worried about YOUR maturity, and more worried about his.

[VincenzoG91]

In the long run, your 8-year age difference isn't a big deal. In the short term, say the next several years, you will probably be going through some changes, so this relationship probably won't work out. Enjoy it while it lasts, but don't stifle your own growth as a person.

[brookep]

At 26 he is not that incredibly-mature either. Anyway, this age difference will always exist between you, so he'll always be one step ahead of you, in what concerns experience.
It's good that you realize you lack experience, but this is normal at your age, and I don't think it can be helped (at least not very much). You can be very mature, I won't deny that, but you do miss experience in some fields.
For example, you couldn't pick on a 7 yr old child, right? To start arguing with him, and try proving him that your opinion is the right one... blah blah... he lacks maturity, and he won't be able to really understand you.
Could you tell me in what kind of situations you feel like you're immature?

Thank you for your honest opinion. I'd be happy to elaborate. I think I reflect my immaturity through an insecurity of his attraction for me. I've grown to accept that guys need their space and so I don't expect a lot anymore (though I appreciate nice texts here and there). It's hard because he lives a few hours away, putting a greater strain on things. Because of this, I can't know where he's at with things and this has some impact on the way I have behaved. This is becoming less of an issue as I am training myself to be more secure in our relationship, though it still bugs me since I see him once a week if that.

Other than that, it's been a scatter of incidences in the past where this has come up, nothing specific. I'm working on myself and learning from my mistakes and that is how I'm going to grow. I just need him to be patient..

[brookep]

The rule to avoid being odd is half-plus-seven, so for him, that would be 20 years minimum. The fact that he is involved with an 18 year old makes me less worried about YOUR maturity, and more worried about his.

Wait, where did that rule come from? I know plenty of success stories with significantly larger age gaps. That's why I'm on here asking for advice on how to get to that.

[vashti]

Where did it come from? Who knows? But everyone knows it.

If you want it to last, you are going to have to learn to bite your tongue and look the other way when his immaturity annoys you, when you outgrow him in a few years. Trust me when I say that just because you THINK the few people you know who have age gaps are doing okay, that doesn't make it so. Not everyone feels compelled to air their dirty laundry in public.

[doppelgaenger]

Don't listen to the bullshit on here. Just go out with him and enjoy yourself. Maturity and wisdom don't come with age.