Depression - I honestly need someone to help my thoughts along here.

[martial_wolf]

So, my fiance and I have been together for over five years now. For about two years now she has been constantly down. Constantly depressed. She has talked to me about suicide quite often. She has a literal list of things she hates about herself. Well, all she wants from me is to be someone she can talk to, someone that she feels actually cares. I have tried to be there, tried to give her what she wants. But as of the past six months I have trouble keeping my own opinions out of it. I can only tell her that she isn't what she keeps saying she is so many times. Really, she can be a great girl but this is at the point where I'm not sure if I can handle it.

I've started clamming up on her. Last night she laid in my bed staring at a wall for three hours. In all that time I said things about how I understood what she was saying and how people should just give her a chance, and it made no difference. Finally she told me that all she wanted was for me to say something nice to her. But, since she told me she wouldn't know if I was making it up because it was what she wanted to hear so if I did it wouldn't matter. So, not knowing what to say, I didn't say anything. That was a huge mistake, because after fifteen minutes, she got up, told me I didn't care about her, told me to keep the gift I had gotten her that day, and walked out.

I should have said something to keep her from walking out the door and I should be saying something now almost twelve hours later, but really I'm almost resigned. I don't know if I can keep going on like this, but I don't want to have to lose her. Like I said, she can be great even if she doesn't realize it.

[justcheckin]

seems liek she is going through an internal struggle. I mean you need to be by her side if that is what she wants.... but you cant "carry her on your back" sort of speak. I would sit her down and be like "listen, I know that you are upset, and I sincerely care about you. I am also concerned about you. What can I do to help you feel better? I seriously mean that with all my heart. What can I do to help you? Because I love you and want to help US get through this. What do you want me to do I am here for you for anything."

or something like that.

[thien]

Try a couple's counseling or a psychologist. I think that deep depression isn't just a mental thing, it might be a physical thing even. Talk it out.

[VincenzoG91]

She should be seeing a therapist. It's unfair to expect you to read her mind or save her from herself. She shouldn't even be in a relationship until she has properly addressed her issues. Marriage isn't going to make her okay, either.

[mywitsend]

That suicide talk needs to be nipped immediately!!!! If she seriously feels that way, you and her family need to address the issue NOW. Tell her what she means to you, and to everyone in her life.
If its a cry for attention, thats almost scarier. EEEk!

[martial_wolf]

Yeah, I have tried to get her to a psychologist. But, I am hit with that response someone with an actual problem gives: therapists don't do anything. -.- But, I do agree it's unfair and that's where my problem is. As for the suicide talk, trust me I am in total agreement. Oddly I myself have been fairly successful at getting that to stop. It's been at least 6 mos. since she has said anything. But the frequency before that...*shudder* it took a lot of work. So really thanks everyone for the help, I'll be trying to convince her to see a psychologist still.

[VincenzoG91]

If she still isn't willing to get professional help, I think that you might want to end this engagement. Marriage will not solve this problem.

[all alone]

Get professional help immediately.. bring it up slowly, suggest it could help by saying of the sort like "have you ever thought that maybe we should try and get professional help" type of deal.. if she says no right away, don't flip it.. its a normal reaction.. but maybe suggest its something you two can keep in mind as an option.

Truely, thats what she needs.. I wouldn't come out with any type of ultimatum now, start by suggesting it at first.. but if she doesn't eventually decide to get this help, it could be dangerous for your relationship and more importantly, her.