being pessimistic? what's next

[valhensing]

To be honest, im not an optimistic person. Not even close. Im so far away from being those warm people who smile like sun light and able to produce positive energy just by being there (believe me, i have seen some of those fellows o.O but they probably never visit our website to be honest ).

Im cold, awkward and pessimistic (not the extreme ones but u know what i mean). I can see negativity in everything, good or bad. In whatever kind of horrible situations, i can still point out the good points, but only for sarcasm sake

And somehow, ive only realize recently that people dont like negative people. I can almost certain that the majority of us are pessimistic people but somehow, down the road, we all reject those negative individuals like us because they bring us even further down (hey, pessimistic people are people too, we like to be loved). Instead, people like to hang out and gather around optimistic people for consoles and lift their spirit. Do they even understand those warm individuals they like so much is just another pessimistic dude who happens to realize people will like them better for pretending (in some cases) to be positive!?

Im not sure what im trying to say.... just pointing out that people are demand other to being not who they are just to be loved.......

[vashti]

There is a difference between being pessimistic and being realistic. Constant pessimism is a downer, and no - not everyone is like this. Pessimistic people tend to be unhappy, and that gets old.

[valhensing]

so what if i am pessimistic... i should still be loved for the pessimistic person that i am. And i dont think most ppl would do that

[vashti]

Well, misery loves company. Maybe you just need to meet another sour person.

[valhensing]

dont seem like there's another one of my kind

[MerryH]

I can almost certain that the majority of us are pessimistic people but somehow

That is your pessimism speaking. No, the majority of people aren't pessimists. Happy, optimistic people aren't just pretending to be that way just to be liked. It's sad that you have such a negative opinion of others.

Sure, you deserve love as much as any other human being does, but it's going to be way harder for you to get because you have a terrible attitude. And you're right, people don't really like being around someone who is such a downer. If you express your negativity all the time and are "cold" and "awkward" on top of that, why would anyone want to spend time with that? People are social because it is fun and makes us feel good. People fall in love because the person makes them happy. How would your attitude contribute to a social, fun environment or a relationship? And you might say No, I don't express my negative opinions a lot, but believe me, people can sense it even if you're not being blatant about it (which, if I had to guess, you are totally vocal about it and you're the guy who thinks that everything sucks. I'm pretty sure this is the case, because I've only been here a short time and I've already seen you dog the members of this forum twice. At least I'm pretty sure it was you.)

There actually are people out there who are just like you. Maybe you'll find them someday, but it's unlikely because these are the type of people who never end up leaving their house. And guess what? They probably wouldn't like you anyway because, you know, everything sucks.

Instead of complaining about other people not loving you, why don't you try being more lovable?

[Petit Papillon]

I really don't like to be around pessimists or ,what's even worse , listen to them. Yuuuk . You guys make me depressed :/

[valhensing]

That is your pessimism speaking. No, the majority of people aren't pessimists. Happy, optimistic people aren't just pretending to be that way just to be liked. It's sad that you have such a negative opinion of others.

Sure, you deserve love as much as any other human being does, but it's going to be way harder for you to get because you have a terrible attitude. And you're right, people don't really like being around someone who is such a downer. If you express your negativity all the time and are "cold" and "awkward" on top of that, why would anyone want to spend time with that? People are social because it is fun and makes us feel good. People fall in love because the person makes them happy. How would your attitude contribute to a social, fun environment or a relationship? And you might say No, I don't express my negative opinions a lot, but believe me, people can sense it even if you're not being blatant about it (which, if I had to guess, you are totally vocal about it and you're the guy who thinks that everything sucks. I'm pretty sure this is the case, because I've only been here a short time and I've already seen you dog the members of this forum twice. At least I'm pretty sure it was you.)

There actually are people out there who are just like you. Maybe you'll find them someday, but it's unlikely because these are the type of people who never end up leaving their house. And guess what? They probably wouldn't like you anyway because, you know, everything sucks.

Instead of complaining about other people not loving you, why don't you try being more lovable?

so i take this as: "change if u want to be loved"

just so i know, is it true that people love other people because they make them happy? What is there first? They felt in love then they're happy or they are happy so they felt in love?

And also FYI, i dont think everything sucks, that isnt what pessimistic is. Pessimistic is when you're so very lucky or happy in normal person's perception, you can still think it's going to turn out badly. So subsequently, you're never in the happy mood because u always see bad things coming your way. Like if you get a really good job, you wouldnt be happy but you start scaring yourself by thinking if u can do it, if everything would go smoothly, if u're going to get along with co-workers. You can see everything that can go wrong but the fact that you just got a really good deal.

But yeah, for most pessimistic, life sucks because it seems to only contains negative things

[MerryH]

Oh man, why are you trying to tell me what "pessimism" means? I know what it means. To simplify it, it's reasonable for me to say that you think "everything sucks", is it not?

so i take this as: "change if u want to be loved"

Yeah, pretty much. Again, I'll ask you:

How would your attitude contribute to a social, fun environment or a relationship?

You could win this internet argument, if you make enough sense. I'm rooting for you!

[doppelgaenger]

Pessimism and optimism are not polarities of one's personality, but rather polarities of one's perspective. I think both optimistic and pessimistic people are annoying - it's annoying when a person is so full of hope, like for example when a Christian expects God's will to bend in order to meet their personal expectations in their life, or when a person depends heavily on luck or chance. I also can't stand people who can't get over that "life isn't fair" and think that everybody is a horrible person, or always expects the worst. I'm pretty sure there is a reason for everything that happens, our feelings and views aside. It's always best to search for this reason instead of vindicating yourself or blaming others. If you think logically, make goals for yourself, then with honest work you can achieve anything you want. For what it's worth.

[valhensing]

Oh man, why are you trying to tell me what "pessimism" means? I know what it means. To simplify it, it's reasonable for me to say that you think "everything sucks", is it not?



Yeah, pretty much. Again, I'll ask you:

How would your attitude contribute to a social, fun environment or a relationship?

You could win this internet argument, if you make enough sense. I'm rooting for you!

ok, opinion noted, understood and processed.

My question is what to do next? I dont know any better.

For example, i dont know how to contribute to the fun environment. Standing there smilling like an idiot, i can do but i dont think it would benefit me in anyway...

I've tried to host parties recently. Except planning for the food, i have no idea what would i be doing in order to make it enjoyable . Other people come, have food, some sun shine people introduced some game, we played together. I can do that

I think life is sucks because i dont know how to make it fun. In compare with other ppl, i'm a very lucky person (or capable!? Even pessimistic as i am, i have to agree with this). In term of work or career, i have no complain at all but for my social life, it's a total failure which i conclude is because of my personality

And it isnt that I dont have any friend. I have several friends who like me for who i am. But most of them are back at my country and I have only 1 friends here. I had a 4 years long relationship followed by a much shorter one.

So pretty much, im looking forward to making friends, what should i do to make friends in general and to improve the pessimism to an acceptable level which I still retain who i am....

[MerryH]

To contribute to a fun environment: make jokes, laugh at others' jokes, tell entertaining stories about yourself or your experiences, be genuinely interested in people (ask them about themselves, remember details about what they've told you before ie "How did you do on your test last week", "Has your sister had her baby yet?" or whatever.) If there's a person you haven't met before, introduce yourself, learn their name and use it often. If someone at one of your parties is being quiet and shy, try to get them involved by talking to them and inviting them to join the group more. Just be warm and kind to people. This makes others feel good and important and wanted. If you make people feel good, people will love you and want to be around you.

Don't: Express negative opinions constantly, make snide comments, belittle things or other people. Keep a close eye on what you say. For example, in your first post, you referred to "those warm people who smile like sun light and able to produce positive energy just by being there" and then you said, "but they probably never visit our website to be honest." I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you didn't mean to be insulting. But it was insulting, and the last part was completely unnecessary. This is the kind of thing that puts people off. You probably do this more than you realize, and you should watch out for it.

And maybe stop identifying yourself as "A Pessimist." It's not a trait to be proud of. I'll compare it to bad body odor. Nobody wants to be around someone who smells like onion and fart, so they shy away from them. One day Stinky catches a whiff of himself and goes, "Holy crap, I'm ripe. Maybe that's why everyone runs away from me. I better fix this." He doesn't say "Hm...How can I improve my stench to an acceptable level which still allows for me to be a little bit stinky?" My point is, a bad attitude shouldn't be something you want to hang on to. It's not just about being able to get along well with others, it's also something that effects probably every area of your life. How is your life not going to suck if you think everything sucks?

[Lipp]

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[valhensing]

thank you MerryH for really putting time to help me with it .

I think it's one of my straights to not doing something the norm is doing . And somehow i think everyone is being nice so i'll be the sarcastic one . I know it's not a lovable straight. I'll try to care more about what i say to express clearly what i mean.