My girlfriend wants to do burlesque dancing, i dont know what to do..?

[robinfisichella]

She has become obsessed with the idea that she will be 60 and not lived life to the full. She and i have both done dancing classes before but she is much more into it than me. She says this is a way for her to do exciting things and take risks. I dont feel she should be sharing her body with the public, she has a busy degree to do and taking more time out to do things like this means ultimately i get to spend less time with her. I love her so much but she hasnt considered how this will affect me and only thought of herself. I dont want to leave her but this is making me unhappy...Anyone else had a similar experience? Do i have a right to feel threatened and upset? I have been with her for about a year and 3 months

Im going to see her tommorow, im not sure exactly what i should say, i just dont know how i feel, i dont like the sought of blokes that go to these places and watch girls, and yet she wants to go and be one.

[MerryH]

There's not much you can/should do. If you coerce her into not going for it, you'd be a controlling, non-supportive boyfriend and she'd probably end up resenting you for it somewhere down the line. Rightfully so, I think.

It's her body, and your opinion of what she should do with it is pretty much irrelevant. I'm sure she has considered how it will affect you. She probably knew you would have a problem with it, yet she wants to do it anyway. She has every right to do the things that make her happy, just as you have a right not to want a dancer for a girlfriend. If this is a deal-breaker for you, then by all means break up with her. But if you stay with her, you're going to have to keep your negative opinion of this under wraps. It's not fair to stay with her, essentially giving your consent, then make her feel bad about it every time she leaves the house in her stripper shoes. If you can't support what she does, then you can't really be a good boyfriend, can you? And if you can't be a good one, you shouldn't be one at all.

By the way, I find it very selfish of you to have a problem with her doing something because it means she has less time to spend with you. She doesn't exist solely for your amusement.

[robinfisichella]

anyone else have some advice, i wanted to gather as much opinion as possible.

Merry, im not sure whether i "dont want a stripper gf" im just a bit confused right now. In some ways it turns me on, but in many other ways it makes me angry that other guys will be lusting over her and having a cheap wank after her show. My issue is with the kind of places these people attract.

The time issue is more complicated than i made out. Its a 80 mile trip to where she is and i work during the week which means i can only see her at weekends, and its a big effort to get up there as i dont have a car at the moment. Shes on a busy university course and it means that if she is doing lots of things during the week for fun she will have to use our "together" time at the weekend to do her study. She does plenty of other things during the week to enjoy herself. On the otherhand this might not be an issue if she can work harder during the week.

I would say shes profoundly more selfish than i am, im the one doing all the traveling, paying for everything, she gets presents all the time, i expect a little something in return, your suggestion that i am selfish is completely absurd.

[CA23012]

Don't mean this to sound weird.. but what type of burlesque are we talking? I know girls who dance burlesque where there's no nudity and they just dance around in skimpy outfits. If that's all she's doing then I don't see a problem. If she IS showing a little more, however, I think I can understand having a little conflict. Obviously if she crosses into stripper territory then I say game over.

I'm gonna have to disagree with MerryH wholeheartedly on this one. Obviously as a boyfriend the time you get to spend with her DOES matter, though compromise is to be expected to the extent that you are willing to stretch yourself. And the point isn't that your opinion is irrelevant, but that in a relationship you both ought to be considerate of each others' opinions. And you DON'T need to keep your opinion under wraps; what you need to do is decide for yourself whether or not this is the deal-breaker. If it is, then let her know and she can decide. If it's not, then let her know that you don't like it but you still value her regardless. Obviously you shouldn't force her one way or another.

[robinfisichella]

Thanks CA23012, this is sounding more sensible.

She promised me she wouldnt do nude stuff, and i believe she is doing it for the 'arty' part but also to do something naughty and exciting....

Maybe i am being a bit too woried (like you said i shouldnt be worried about a skimpy outfit) but it all came out of the blue so it is a bit of a shock to me. Im worried that although she made me a promise she might be persuaded by money and the people there to do more nude stuff after a time....Its not exactly the ideal situation for any boyfriend...

[CA23012]

Well the trust factor is something you have to determine for yourself, given what you know about your relationship. The other thing to question is what type of establishment she's looking at. Do they do nude shows? Are they strict about no-touching policies? Are the performers relatively safe and secure? To my knowledge, these places generally have strict standards in these areas, unless they have other backdoor dealings. If this is a shady establishment then you have solid grounds for objection.

Otherwise, if you're confident you can trust her and that she will be safe, and you don't have to worry about shady activities, you can just say that for all the guys drooling over her when she's on stage, you're the one who's dating her

[vashti]

I wouldn't be excited about my son dating her. She needs an extraordinary amount of male attention. That's not a good thing.

[robinfisichella]

thanks everyone, but i have failed, she split up with me, that is the end for me.

[xxazurexx]

What the heck is burlesque dancing? First time I've ever heard of it.

[MerryH]

thanks everyone, but i have failed, she split up with me, that is the end for me.

Sorry to hear that. Care to share what happened?