Is a 'coffee date' a real date?

[ryna88]

I've always wondered how guys took this. If a girl asks you to coffee, would you assume that something was going on at least on her end?

Point - I asked a friend of a friend I just met to coffee, because yes, I think he's pretty great, and I want to get to know him better. I just don't know how he took it - friends only? I mean, it's not dinner...

By the way, he said, he would love to. I'm in his Blackberry calendar and it's a done deal this week.

Yeah, so if you guys could just clue me in, I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Thanks!

[Nimrod44]

It's a great first date when you want to get to know someone better without much pressure. Have fun!

[VincenzoG91]

It's okay for the first date, and not okay for the third date. Nobody ever has sex at the end of a coffee date.

[davidtorres]

its a low key date. just a getting to know each other type of date. thats very normal nowadays.

[ryna88]

Well, it happened today, and it was honestly fun (although I was nervous, and he got there earlier than I did) - no awkward silences, and a great conversation that could have kept going... But we both had to be at work in an hour, so there was a tiime constraint...so it was only like 40 minutes. He told me he'd see me on Sunday at church, and said, "I'm so happy we finally got to do this... this was fun."


Was it a bad sign that we didn't make plans for another time to meet up?

PS he as a little dressed up as well...not just jeans and t-shirt, but that could just be his style preference...

I wish this was more clear cut.

[lahnnabell]

It's a great first date venue. You can talk and learn about the person in a comfortable setting. Dinner dates tend to imply a lot more pressure. How dressed up do you get, how expensive is the place, etc. Coffee is a nice way to see if you'd like to see that person again without pulling out all the stops on some grandiose evening. However, if you find yourself going on consecutive coffee or lunch dates, I'd say you've been friend-zoned.

[kitkitkitty]

i think it's nice that you don't make another date the day of meeting up... always a good excuse to text and say hi you can bet he's thinking about you.

[febling]

Yeah it's a total trial period thing. As a guy I always see a coffee date as "Let's see if I want you as a friend or someone to date"...I think that's how most guy's view it. It's usually a pretty non-pressure situation and really relaxed. If you guys don't click, it's totally easy to let the other off the cool. I like coffee too, so it works out either way.

The dressed up thing: maybe that was his work get up? Or maybe he just dressed stylish. Or maybe he just wanted to look attractive to you (good sign he's interested). He probably didn't make further plans because he's going to see you in church..where he'll make plans for that day or further on in the week if he's interested.

[ryna88]

Thanks for the input! I could tell he had fun. I'll give an update in a few days.

Would you say it's a safe bet that he knows I like him?

[Gribble]

Coffee dates are perfectly fine first dates. Few distractions. It's quiet. If things don't work out, you aren't out a hefty chunk of cash.

Great for a date with someone you don't really know. Unlike dinner, if the date isn't going well you gulp down your coffee in ten minutes and say goodnight. If things do go well you can sit and chat as long as you'd like. Perhaps even move on to dinner from there.

If you smiled lots, laughed at his jokes, perhaps even made a little physical contact, yes. He'll know you're interested. Don't get wrapped up, though. First dates are hit 'n miss. Maybe he won't call you. Not your fault. Not something you did. Just the way it is. If things do progress so much the better. Just don't let yourself get all worked up thinking about what the next date's gonna be like and the one after that. Relax. Play it cool.

[Mish]

Thanks for the input! I could tell he had fun. I'll give an update in a few days.

Would you say it's a safe bet that he knows I like him?

Don't assume anything as far as his views are concerned. I think it's a safe to say that the date went well. Hope it will continue to progress like this.

[ryna88]

You guys are great. I'm more chill about it right now, but the one thing I won't forget was this...I honestly wish more people in general were like this: he maintained good eye contact with me, hardly ever looked away and was not distracted by anything else in the cafe. It made me nervous at first because he was looking so intensely at me in the eyes, but occasionally he'd smile and that would make me smile. Even if I looked away for a sec and then looked back, he'd still be looking at me in the eye.

Maybe that's just him being polite. Either way, it's not something I see in most people, guy or girl. I really appreciated the attentiveness and respect.

[xxazurexx]

All this staring would have unnerved me. I dislike it when people will keep their eyes fixated on me without looking away. Just me I guess....

If he's not thick, I figure he will know you like him. But I'd do no more asking him out on further dates. I'd want to see if he liked me, hence is why I'd await and see if he initiated anything more. And IMO he will if he likes you in the same way.

[doppelgaenger]

Yuck, coffee is disgusting.

[patrick74]

All this staring would have unnerved me. I dislike it when people will keep their eyes fixated on me without looking away. Just me I guess....

I'm the type to generally make quite a bit of eye contact, but yes sometimes it can feel awkward.

I'm in the getting to know you phase of someone and she and I have amazing eye contact, there's never been once when it's felt weird. Last time I was out with her I told her she had beautiful eyes and while she blushed just a little, the eye contact remained. It's one of those things when at times it just feels like your looking right into the other person.