Should I be worried that my boyfriend is so negative?

[humanolive]

I have been with a guy more than a year now. We basically have no issue in our relationship and we love each other immensely. But recently, something has been bothering me. It seems he is never happy with any situation in his life. Moreover, he is irritated by everyone he meets (both from the past and present). When he was in school he hated all the classes he took. In student housing he could not stand a single person. He didn't like the rooms where he studied. Many nights he nagged about replies he was supposed to get from certain professors. He would simply panic about these simple things and get frustrated. Now he is hating the fact that he has graduated. Also he hates his masters degree and the idea of looking for job. He actually got offers from many places. But he felt irritated by the fact that some employers made him wait a few weeks. In this economy, just within 3 months of his graduation without any experience in the field, he actually got a job. He joined yesterday, but he has already started complaining that he doesn't like the place and people.

He feels at home with me only because every night i devote some hours of my life in listening to his complaints. Many times I told him that he has to accept the reality of life. But it really doesn't go in his head. He still thinks life is a struggle for him. But the truth is that his situation is far better than other people's. His parents are supportive and when he did not have a job his parents took care of him. Yet he felt he was not happy because he had nothing to do at home.

Now my question: Does it signal something bad?

[vashti]

A guy like that would make me want to kill myself. He is going to drag you down, I think. Can't you find a happier person?

[kitkitkitty]

i honestly couldn't put up with someone like that... the world isn't the happiest place ever but jeeez, you've gotta look on the bright side once in a while. you sound like his personal therapist, not his gf!

[humanolive]

A guy like that would make me want to kill myself. He is going to drag you down, I think. Can't you find a happier person?

Yeah, kind of....does our future look bad? His life is actually perfect. He does not even need to pay the rent because he is living with his parents. Moreover, according to him, he has his dream girl with him which is me. He even had a good childhood and he always aced in all his classes. The professors like him a lot. And he is free to talk to his mom about everything. Btw, when he was a kid his mom predicted that his complaints would make girls run away.

[girl68]

Your mother is probably right.

Someone like that would drive me mad. Yes, your future looks bad with a man who can never find any happiness.

[cancankant]

If the negatively bothers you, I would say the future for the two of you looks bad. He's been doing this negative outlook thing for a while, and even his mother knows it's a mood killer.

Do you think he just wants to hear someone say he has a charmed life? I think that maybe down deep inside he KNOWS he's got it good, but he wants people to say it. Kind of like the gorgeous girl who's always saying, "I'm ugly. I'm fat." She wants the other person to say, "No, you're gorgeous. You're beautiful. You're skinny and fit. You're perfect!"

I think he's fishing for compliments, albeit in a very negative and grating way. If it gets too oppressive, tell him to can it. My husband isn't as bad as you describe, but he can get going once in a while, and I tell him to stick a sock in it. No one wants to hear anybody whine!!!

[Alvy]

Maybe he should try living in a third world country. He has a degree, a job, and a partner, yet he still moans? Tell him to appreciate the things he has instead of whining about every little thing that doesn't go his way.

[humanolive]

cancankant, I tell him that he has got everything and he should be thankful about it. He says, "yeah I know, but blah blah blah" I mean more complaints

Do you think he is a spoiled brat? Sometimes he is totally behaving like a little princess. I mean he wants everything to go his own....And even if they do go his way he goes I wish I did it in a differently, how frustrating! At the moment, he is just finding faults in his past and complaining about it. For instance, in our school we have masters of public administration and MBA. He did MBA because it was a part of his goal. Those days in school he told me how badly he wanted to finish that degree. Now that he already got the degree he is saying that he wish he did MPA instead and he is going on and on about it. Then when he got the job finally he told me that its nice that its in his area because now he does not need to move out and can pocket the salaries for the future. Yesterday after joining, suddenly he started saying he wished he got the job in another city. That way he could move out of his parents house.


Alvy, I told him about the lives in third world countries. I told him how some of their lives are worse and his is billion times better. He understands, but then again goes back to square one. I am not sure, but I think a climax is coming where I will have to burst his bubble in a really aggressive way.

[cancankant]

cancankant, I tell him that he has got everything and he should be thankful about it. He says, "yeah I know, but blah blah blah" I mean more complaints

Do you think he is a spoiled brat?

Yes, he's acting like a brat. It's unbecoming for someone who is most likely in their mid-20s. Some people LOVE to bitch, and your boyfriend is one of them. Wah, wah, wah...my life is SO hard. It is a happiness killer to be around someone like that. We all have our moods, but if he's like this more often than not, it's a problem.

I have a friend like this. I had to basically drop her as a friend because all she does is complain. It's just not fun.

What I tell people who complain all the time is to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Want a different job? Want to go to school? Want to move out of your parent's house? Then do it. Stop complaining and start DOING!!!

[humanolive]

Wow, thats a great way to shut someone's mouth. I am gonna try to tell him that today and see what happens.

[kitkitkitty]

Wow, thats a great way to shut someone's mouth. I am gonna try to tell him that today and see what happens.

then tell us how he responds. i wana hear this.

[humanolive]

This is a bit creepy. I forgot to mention here that my boyfriend has excellent psychic power. I am not sure how he senses things. Well, we were having some conversation about past and present video game consoles. Suddenly, he started complaining that he didn't like Xbox, but in the middle he stopped. He usually doesn't do it. I was actually getting ready to tell him that if doesn't like today's video game consoles then he should just start playing the older ones. But when I suddenly felt the silence on his side of the line I asked him what happened. He mentioned "I don't wanna bore you about this, I just have a strong opinion about today's video games". Then he changed the topic. But somehow for the first time, there was no other complaints. Also he sounded sad and not too talkative. I will have to wait for tomorrow.

[VincenzoG91]

Maybe he is reading your posts here?

[humanolive]

I finally was able to talk to him upfront about the issue. He started complaining tonight. So I used the ideas from what you guys have told.
Okay, first he was complaining about how pathetic his life is (btw, its not). So I asked him what he would have done if today he was living in a third world country. He said, "Maybe I would have not lived. I would have been killed by now". Then when he again started complaining about his parents' house I told him "If you hate it so much then maybe you should just move out. That would solve your problem." He replied "No, I won't do it".

Later I couldn't keep my mouth shut too long. I ended up calling him a little princess and also said that if a perfect life which he has does not make him happy then basically one day I won't be the reason for his happiness either. I said that someday then he would just see me as another irritating creature in his life. Then I simply told him everything I mentioned here. I mean I told him all the demands that he made even after getting what he always wanted.

I suppose thats when he realized how bad he looked all those days when he spent hours complaining to me. He said sorry for sounding like a spoiled brat and also mentioned that whatever I told him made him feel paralyzed. He begged me to never think all those things of him getting irritated by me. But I know he will be reflecting more on our conversation in the morning.

Thanks guys.
You all have helped me a lot.