Should be breakup and try to forget?

[RPWhat]

Before I tell my problem, I beg of you to read further and tell me what you think about the situation, I feel that I am falling down in a depression all I want to do is sleep and that is what I do, I skip school because I don’t find the strength to bother anymore.
I am a polish girl on 23 years and him an afghan boy on 25years. We have been together for six years and lived together for 4 years. Recently we have discovered problems between me and his family. They don't seem to accept me because I am not a girl from Afghanistan. It is very important in their tradition and culture that their children marry an afghan girl. They are always talking to him how he is supposed to have 2 wives (me and an afghan), they have now started to give suggestions about different girls. The most upsetting thing for me is that they have told him that meanwhile my boyfriend is with me he can look for an afghan girl and when he finds one he can ditch me. I have done everything for his family, I have helped them in many difficult situations and they have told me that they don't mind it if I get married with him, but their actions say something else. We are both afraid of going further with our relationship because they don't accept me and that would affect my future children, they would never accept them and treat them badly. The thing is that he also has responsibilities to his family since he is the oldest son and therefore he is the one that is going to take care of his parents when they get old. It is impossible for us to be happy if his parents constantly show us how much they are against our relationship. We are confused and don't know what to do, we try to find ways to make this work but the hope I had before is growing thinner.3 weeks ago we decided that we should split up because we couldn’t see a future together. When I told his parents they seemed relieved, my boyfriend told them that we split up because of them but his parents says that they have nothing to do with it. His brothers and sister have begun saying the same thing and everyone has turned against us. His 6 year old little sister, that always asked about me if I didn’t see her in two days don’t even recall knowing me. It’s killing me, the child has not done anything wrong, I can only imagine what they have told her. We tried to stay apart but we couldn’t so we meet and talked through all our personal problems and found solutions to everything accept his parents. I have not seen his parents since I told them that we have split up, only my boyfriend has been at their house (5min from our) but he says that they treat us as if I don’t exist, they don’t ask anything about me and are telling him to take advantage of me while he searches for an afghan girl that he will marry. I would really like to know what you guys think about all this, do you see any way we can make this work or should we go our separate ways?

[BusyBee]

Hmm that's a difficult situation.

However much your boyfriend loves you, he will have to make a choice between you and his family.
Do you really think you can win?

[RPWhat]

No thats the thing, I don't think I have a chance at all. He says that he wants to try to make his parents change their minds...But I don't think that that's realistik

[BusyBee]

I am really sorry about that. The problem is some culture are just set in their ways and do not open up to other ones.
At the end of the day, you could probably take afghan nationality and convert to their religion. Your future children would then be completely afghan. But would that be fair on your own culture and parents?

My best ever friend from kindergarden to college was an Indian girl. When she turned 16 her parents proposed to take the whole family to meet her grandma in India.

When arriving there, they took her passport away and locked her up in a room. The plan was to marry her to a 40 year old man, she'd never even seen. She put her feet in water and dropped a lamp in to kill herself.
Her brother told me that upon returning, he's never seen his parents since.

Another friend of mine, a Pakistani, was 24 and working in Spain when his parents in Pakistan asked him to come and vist them. He told his girlfriend he'd bee gone for 3 weeks. He cam back 3 months later. He'd been forced to marry a girl chosen by his parents and wasn't left to leave until she was pregnant so that his honour would keep him from trying anything stupid. You can imagine the reaction of his poor girlfriend. She was devastated.

I don't want to be negative but if his parents are set that way, he will have the whole pressure of the family on his back.

[kitkitkitty]

this is what i hate about situations like this, the parents think that because they brought their kids up [especially him as the oldest] that he should forever be in their debt it's ridiculous. where are you currently living? they're of an older generation and are stupidly labeling you as no good just because of your background. i bet they haven't even bothered to get to know you which is really quite sad. since i'm not in your position i can hardly say 'ignore them and carry on with your lives' because i'm sure it must be really hard. i just feel that as you're all adults, his parents should accept that you love each other. also, has your boyfriend actually tried to stand up to his parents? he can't live his life through his parents he needs to show he has a backbone too. he needs to stand up for you and his relationship.

[Astronaut!]

In this situation, the choice is totally up to him.Its his family, not yours, he probably knows best. Don't make a decision for him. Leave him to debate how much he is willing to sacrifice for you or his family. But don't let him leave things hanging anymore. Talk to him about how important it is that he takes that decision because you guys need to move on. Either moving on to your separate ways or moving on together.

From my point, they're just ignorant, close-minded people with no respect, not even as a person. Putting their traditions first before the happiness of their son. I say don't mind them or what they say/do because such things coming from such people shouldn't ever matter. Keep your chin up.

[BusyBee]

It's easy to say chin up, but unfortunately there are other things to bear in mind. Have you heard of them honour crimes?

I agree that you should ask him straight out.

[lahnnabell]

I think you should get out now. Nothing good will come of this, as nothing already has. Just pain and more suffering on the way.

[kitkitkitty]

I think you should get out now. Nothing good will come of this, as nothing already has. Just pain and more suffering on the way.

unfortunately the more i think about it the more i agree with this. but you still need to talk to him. it's a shame you've been together for so long though.

[Albinoni]

Q to ask you here, I know Afghans are Muslims (nothing against them at all), but asume if you were to get married, than have kids or a child down the way, and you being Christian, what would your kids be, this is the interesting thing.

[tacticalcraptic]

Religion is a very very difficult thing to get people to bend on. I live in Utah where the majority of folks are Mormon. In their culture if you are not married in their temple, you will not be able to go to heaven. And you cannot enter their temple if you you are not a mormon.
I dated a girl for @ years who said she loved me and wanted to marry me but she could only be with me if I was fully converted to being a mormon, which I could not do. I would be lying to myself. She was considering accepting me anyway and then her family got involved and it was over despite the fact that now, 2 years later she still says she loves me and wants to be with me.

Trying to get parents to budge on the religion thing is very difficult, in fact, I have never seen it done. He will have to not care what his family thinks when it comes to you and just do what he thinks is best. If he is not willing to do that, you may need to end things, cause if he lets his parents and their culture control his life, things will always be difficult for you.

[Toxic106]

I know my situation is a bit less intense. But getting parents budged on religion is not entirely impossible. I'm a Christian and my parents are Buddhists. They are still very loving. They were disappointed even if they didn't say it. But they accepted me anyway.

As for your situation, I agree with the previous posts, ask him what he chooses. And if possible, soon. Dragging on like this wouldn't help. It only cause pain and suffering. Not knowing what he'll choose would be really difficult. Might as well get this over with.

[Sonrisa]

i am not sure if this is a troll...

[lahnnabell]

Buddhists tend to be a lot more open and accepting of other practices. Muslims are very much the opposite. Though there are exceptions.