Help my GF has SERIOUS rape fantasies.

[lahnnabell]

Please read this: [URL="http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/26633-description-shining-knight-syndrome.html"]Shining Knight Syndrome[/URL]

[girl68]

Suggest counselling- you cannot make her go she needs to WANT to go. Given what you've said already, I don't think she's going to want to go.

If she doesn't I'm with every other poster- you should leave. For 1 she's got major issues here that are NOT normal and 2 she's pressuring you to act in a way that isn't within your comfor and that's simply not acceptable.

[WaiKru]

Get this chick some help fast. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, and if something isn't done she may look elsewhere for someone that's willing to do it. Not good.

Either that or just do it one time and see how you like it. Who knows. Honestly...I'd probably try it if some girl asked me to lol. Not sure how I'd like it but I'd try it out.

[MarkB]

Get this chick some help fast. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, and if something isn't done she may look elsewhere for someone that's willing to do it. Not good.

Either that or just do it one time and see how you like it. Who knows. Honestly...I'd probably try it if some girl asked me to lol. Not sure how I'd like it but I'd try it out.

Yea that's what I was thinking, just staying and trying to get through it first so she doesn't get into worse situations on her own.
I already did try it and found I get to preoccupied with the fact I'm beating my girlfriend up to even perform. I know she doesn't see it that way but she's not in my position.
I read that article lahnnabell posted I just don't see how leaving makes me a better person in the long run. But its good to hear different opinions.

Im going to talk to her about it pretty soon...
if she isn't open to the counseling, would it be wrong to 'compromise' with her that I'd consider proving it to her if she went for counseling? I wouldn't actually prove anything to her, but just to convince her to go, perhaps if I told the counselor before hand what she told me, she might get her mind changed and would stop trying to get me to prove anything. Then if the counseling didn't get her to stop, I could then consider different options?

[lahnnabell]

Leaving her isn't about being a better person for HER, it's about being better for YOU. You can't save this girl.

[kitkitkitty]

if you're gona help her i don't think you should do it as bf/ gf. if you really think she just needs a push in the right direction from you then talk to her but you can't be her bf and an emotional crutch at the same time as her problems stem from a previous relationship.

[VincenzoG91]

She isn't going to agree to counseling, this is what turns her on. Like any other kind of fetish, it's about the excitement of doing something that is unacceptable to most people. That doesn't mean that you should be forced to participate in something that feels wrong to you. This is just basic sexual incompatibility.

The more serious problem is her current line of questioning, extending this issue into other parts of your life together. That is going to poison your whole relationship, because she is attacking your self-esteem. Equating a willingness to hit her with the ability to defend her from harm doesn't even make any sense.

Don't bother talking to her about counseling, just accept that you are incompatible and move on.

[MarkB]

alight thank you guys (n' gals). gave me alot to think over.

[phys251]

She desires a style of sexuality that you clearly do not. I think it's time to part ways.

However, contrary to what some people here have said, there is nothing wrong with desiring rough or painful sex. As long as it's done with mutual consent, clear boundaries, and a clear understanding that either person can require the other one to stop at any time, it's perfectly normal and healthy. Many people wouldn't even consider exploring this darker side of sex, but some can't get enough of it. Your gf clearly sounds like the latter.

[lahnnabell]

She desires a style of sexuality that you clearly do not. I think it's time to part ways.

However, contrary to what some people here have said, there is nothing wrong with desiring rough or painful sex. As long as it's done with mutual consent, clear boundaries, and a clear understanding that either person can require the other one to stop at any time, it's perfectly normal and healthy. Many people wouldn't even consider exploring this darker side of sex, but some can't get enough of it. Your gf clearly sounds like the latter.

No one said that there is anything wrong with rough sex, but there is something wrong with the OP's girlfriend practically forcing him into accepting it.

[shammi]

man i wish i get a girl who likes rough sex, that would be amazing

[phys251]

No one said that there is anything wrong with rough sex, but there is something wrong with the OP's girlfriend practically forcing him into accepting it.

I dunno...some people here seem to have some real hangups with BDSM. Which if they do, hey, don't do it. Neither should the OP if he's not into it.

[MarkB]

I dunno...some people here seem to have some real hangups with BDSM. Which if they do, hey, don't do it. Neither should the OP if he's not into it.

I dunno...some people here seem to have some real hangups with BDSM. Which if they do, hey, don't do it. Neither should the OP if he's not into it.

I thought bdsm was just spanking and rope though...she's never mentioned that phrase to me so I dont know if she even views it in that light...

It's not just rough 'sex' to her though, as Shammi had mentioned. If that's all it was I'd manage. For her it seems like it's less about the actual act being that way (rough), its more about being hit and roughed up... To me, it just comes off as dysfunctional. Im really grappling with that. I truly can't see how hitting her and generally just behaving like an ass should turn her on. If you start throwing someone around they are supposed to NOT want to sleep with you. It's become more a battle of ideology now between us. She truly believes I am repressing her and her sexuality. I hate that she thinks that. I just want her to WANT me to be a gentlemen, I hate that she doesn't want that from me..Ive never met a woman that thinks like her. I've tried to stay open but I just can't wrap my head around it. Before I posted here she questioned my masculinity, but now she thinks I'm sexist because of how I view it. To her, the only reason I refuse to do what she wants is because I have too strict an idea of how men and women should behave. I've tried to see her side, but I know i'm not sexist. In my mind, me not wanting to treat her that way should prove Im not like that. Im so confused by it.

thankyou for the replies, they are really helpful by the way.

[misombra]

dude be a fuking man and beat her ass wtf is wrong with you?

[phys251]

I thought bdsm was just spanking and rope though...she's never mentioned that phrase to me so I dont know if she even views it in that light...

It's not just rough 'sex' to her though, as Shammi had mentioned. If that's all it was I'd manage. For her it seems like it's less about the actual act being that way (rough), its more about being hit and roughed up... To me, it just comes off as dysfunctional. Im really grappling with that. I truly can't see how hitting her and generally just behaving like an ass should turn her on. If you start throwing someone around they are supposed to NOT want to sleep with you. It's become more a battle of ideology now between us. She truly believes I am repressing her and her sexuality. I hate that she thinks that. I just want her to WANT me to be a gentlemen, I hate that she doesn't want that from me..Ive never met a woman that thinks like her. I've tried to stay open but I just can't wrap my head around it. Before I posted here she questioned my masculinity, but now she thinks I'm sexist because of how I view it. To her, the only reason I refuse to do what she wants is because I have too strict an idea of how men and women should behave. I've tried to see her side, but I know i'm not sexist. In my mind, me not wanting to treat her that way should prove Im not like that. Im so confused by it.

thankyou for the replies, they are really helpful by the way.

There is no such thing as "typical" BDSM. Hell, there's no such thing as typical sexuality. Everyone has their own particular tastes, styles, and likes and dislikes. That goes for your gf and for you as well.

Honestly, you may want to seriously consider parting ways with her. She's making you out to be the bad guy, which you aren't, and she's looking for something that's well beyond your comfort level. I am no fan at all of doing something in bed just because the other person wants it, but evidently your gf is. Besides, if she wants something much more intense, she may stand a better chance of getting it in another relationship. And you deserve someone who will respect your boundaries.

dude be a fuking man and beat her ass wtf is wrong with you?

Have you considered the possibility that he's "being a man" (whatever that means) by NOT doing so?