The wedding is off

[RayzrShrp]

4 weeks before our wedding and she tells me she isn't in love with me anymore and is moving out into her own place. I just don't understand why she is doing this.

[girl68]

Ask her what else happened.

[kitkitkitty]

with something this big you can't let her get away with an answer like that. ask her questions til you lose your voice.

[Gigabitch]

Better than jilting you at the altar. I don't know if it's just cold feet or if she's doing you a favor, but if she doesn't think it's the right thing to do, you don't want to marry her anyway, believe me.

[RayzrShrp]

I asked her over and over what happened. She said she was feeling this way for the past year even though she sent out the invites, came with me to buy the wedding bands, came with me to get our marriage license last Monday. I can't even talk to her anymore since she just gets nasty and mean to me. I mean what's up with that? I'm the one being hurt here and she is acting like I did something wrong.

I just hurts so much to have your whole life plan yanked out from under your feet.

She said it just didn't feel right and that she couldn't go through with it just to appease me and that it would just end up in a messy divorce later. I asked her if this feels right and she said it did but here is where it gets confusing for me.

We dated back 5 years ago and lived together for a year. Things went south and she developed feelings for someone she worked with behind my back and after I caught her she said she didn't love me anymore and had to leave. She moved out and was with that guy within a month. I was crestfallen but managed to pick myself up and dust myself off and over time dated a nice girl for about a year. I missed her the entire time and over time we found our way back to each other when both of our current relationships ended up not working. We then got back together and lived together for the past 3 years until she dropped this bomb on me. That's what messes me up. Is she just going to move out, get her head clear and have feelings for me again or what? And what's up with her being so mean to me? She should be feeling terrible for hurting me and wasting my time and money. Where is her guilt?

[kitkitkitty]

i think she's being horrible to you partly cos she may not want to tell you the whole story and also because being horrible to you means she thinks of your faults and therefore making it easier for her to do all of this.

[RayzrShrp]

That's what I figure as well but over time won't she not be able to hold on to all my faults and remember the good stuff? This seems to be what she did last time.

[Albinoni]

I bet if you won big $$$$$$$$$ in the Lotto she will crawl back to you, when it comes to bbig $$$$$$$ a woman will always be there.

[WaiKru]

Maybe you two can work something out. Is it just the wedding that she's not ready for? Or is she unhappy in the relationship?

[lahnnabell]

I think this relationship was doomed from the get-go. She's already proven to be shady in her behavior, and I wanna bet that part of this went down this way due to your own blindness.

[SapphireBerry]

Try communicating sounds like maybe she thought she knew what she wanted and now she's coming to terms with what she might want

[lahnnabell]

Try communicating sounds like maybe she thought she knew what she wanted and now she's coming to terms with what she might want

Communication goes both ways. Both parties are expected to come together and compromise together. When one or both parties fail at this, the relationship crashes and burns. Best to just put out the fire (i.e. break up), pay your respects (wish the person well), and move on (No Contact whatosever).

[Bella82]

Razrshrp, I'm sorry this is happening, I feel for you. Looking at your relationship, I'm curious to know whether or not she has ever been very expressive with her feelings, ie if she is angry, has doubts about anything, etc? From the way you tell the story, it seems as though she you were completely blindsided, as she never told you anything was wrong until now.

Is this the case?

[lahnnabell]

We dated back 5 years ago and lived together for a year. Things went south and she developed feelings for someone she worked with behind my back and after I caught her she said she didn't love me anymore and had to leave. She moved out and was with that guy within a month. I was crestfallen but managed to pick myself up and dust myself off and over time dated a nice girl for about a year. I missed her the entire time and over time we found our way back to each other when both of our current relationships ended up not working. We then got back together and lived together for the past 3 years until she dropped this bomb on me. That's what messes me up. Is she just going to move out, get her head clear and have feelings for me again or what? And what's up with her being so mean to me? She should be feeling terrible for hurting me and wasting my time and money. Where is her guilt?

This was a huge issue. Very indicative of this girl's indecisiveness and immaturity. I wouldn't trust someone who flip-flopped so easily. 'Cause, as you can see, she did it again.

[RayzrShrp]

Razrshrp, I'm sorry this is happening, I feel for you. Looking at your relationship, I'm curious to know whether or not she has ever been very expressive with her feelings, ie if she is angry, has doubts about anything, etc? From the way you tell the story, it seems as though she you were completely blindsided, as she never told you anything was wrong until now.

Is this the case?

Yes she says I should have picked up on her detaching herself from me but that's kinda hard to do when she is still telling me she loves me. Is still going along with the wedding stuff. Still kissing my goodnight etc.