Is his behavior concerning?

[GagaRoma]

I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 amazing months.
We haven't had sex yet and we are both virgins.
For the most part my boyfriend is very calm and shy. Sometimes when we are together though some of the things he does make me wonder if he has a bit of a "wild" or, I guess I could say, kinky side or if it's something to be concerned about.

Examples: One time I accidently choked him when I leaned over him to grab something when we were laying down and he wasn't bothered by it at all, he actually told me to do it to him again. Then there was another time where he told me to shove a pillow and essentially smother his face when we were laying on his bed. There was also another time where I was on top of him when we were making out in a chair and he liked the idea of me being on top but then I accidently hit his head against a wall while leaning in the chair and he again wasn't bothered by this at all, I think he actually liked it.And last week he took off his belt and he folded it and he held it up in a joking manner like he was going to do something but then he instead unfolded it and wrapped/placed it around my neck but didn't tighten it or anything. Then he took it off my neck and wrapped it around his own neck and jokingly pulled it tighter.
Then the other day we were making out and we had stopped for a few minutes and we were hugging and holding eachother in bed and he looked at me and said "I am going to strangle you with my belt" and he didn't say it in a threatning way, it was more of a playful kind of a silly way. The way he said it didn't frighten me either.
Should I be concerned though? Or is he just possibly into more "wild" things and ideas? He otherwise treats me with so much respect and he never wants to make me uncomfortable in any way. He has never hurt me emotionally or physically and he always tells me how he never could hurt me too. I'm just curious. Opinions?

[lahnnabell]

Some people are into asphyxiation during sex. I'm curious as to how he found this out being a shy, reserved virgin though. How old are you two?

[GagaRoma]

I'm 18 and he's 17, so we are pretty young
He's incredibly shy, or at least he was at the start of the relationship. I remember he even shook while holding my hand on our first date because he wanted to kiss me but was too shy! He really is reserved and respectful though. He hasn't preassured me into anything and isn't the type of guy that would.
I don't know how he could have found out about something like that either and it wasn't really until recently that I started putting it together that he seems into that kind of stuff too.

[Charlie Boy II]

I agree with Lahnna That seems really young to already be into that kind of stuff. At that age just getting my head around plain old penis in vagina sex was a full-time job.

Anyway, your boyfriend is definitely kinky. It doesn't mean you should necessarily be worried - especially if he's not pressuring you to do stuff you don't want. It's common for people to be turned up by mock restraining, choking or being rough with each other. Just make sure you don't do anything you're not 100% comfortable with. I really feel at 17 you should be saving that stuff for a few years to be honest.

Get to know normal sex first, and evolve into what you're naturally drawn to. That process takes years.

[Sonrisa]

yep, it doesn't remind me of citizen x at all.

[doppelgaenger]

I agree with Lahnna That seems really young to already be into that kind of stuff. At that age just getting my head around plain old penis in vagina sex was a full-time job.

Anyway, your boyfriend is definitely kinky. It doesn't mean you should necessarily be worried - especially if he's not pressuring you to do stuff you don't want. It's common for people to be turned up by mock restraining, choking or being rough with each other. Just make sure you don't do anything you're not 100% comfortable with. I really feel at 17 you should be saving that stuff for a few years to be honest.

Get to know normal sex first, and evolve into what you're naturally drawn to. That process takes years.

I chuckled like a perverted babushka. I know, I took it out of context, but we read left to right and before I finished the sentence, I fell out of my chair.

Gaga, you should have a talk about sex and about this fixation on asphyxiation that he has. Make sure he's not hanging himself in the closet while he's beating off.

[WICKED THOUGHTS]

Is he into mma? lmao Nway, maybe he thinks u like it and just tryin to turn u on so u can do it already ? Ya, i dnt think theres anything to worry bout. imo

[GagaRoma]

Gaga, you should have a talk about sex and about this fixation on asphyxiation that he has. Make sure he's not hanging himself in the closet while he's beating off.

It's interesting you mentioned that because I was wondering if he does that to himself when he masterbates, which isn't that how the singer for INXS died?

[dewilliams2]

It's interesting you mentioned that because I was wondering if he does that to himself when he masterbates, which isn't that how the singer for INXS died?

Lots of people have died that way...yea it is dangerous...more so when alone. You may want to talk to him about it and ask if that is what he is after...if it is then like everyone else has said...do what your comfortable with.

[kitkitkitty]

you do need to chat about this, and since you're both still virgins it's not like you've put it off. to start the conversation off [i can imagine it not coming up in day-to-day chat] wait til he next does something like that. say you've noticed that he seems to like the whole 'choking' thing and ask if he genuinely likes it. if he says yes then you may aswell ask why and see what happens. and if he starts talking about doing stuff to you, you have to say straight away if you're uncomfortable with it.

[Incognito]

I honestly think its a bit funny that no one seems to have a clue where a virgin got ideas like that from. LOL Anyone ever heard of porn? Its only in every privately owned video store, all over the internet and on the magazine shelves of most (if not all convenience stores). I started watching porn as a 15 year old virgin. Plain sex is exciting at first and then you move on to other things. For some its lesbian porn, for some its big asses, and for others its BDSM. Perhaps his personal progression has him interested in that right now. It may be a passing phase, especially since he is only 17. Just talk to him about it and only do what you feel comfortable with/ trust him doing.

Chances are that if you actually have sex though that his mind will be too blown to worry about choking you or himself, assuming that he is really a virgin of course.

[lahnnabell]

Shy and reserved doesn't exactly strike me as the kind of person who Googles porn fetishes regularly. But everyone's different.

[GagaRoma]

I know, and he doesn't strike me at all to be the one to do something like that, but I assume it's possible. He had to see it somewhere or discover it in some way to suggest or try to insinuate that's what he likes and has interest in. He's only said something about actually doing something like that to me once. It went something like this (and we were both laying down) he said: "I am going to strangle you with my belt" and I jokingly said "Well it's your belt, why can't I strangle you with it then?" and then he jokingly replied: "Fine then, I' will strangle YOU with YOUR belt".
But he has put his hands around my neck (not forcefully) before and mentioned: "I can fit both of my hands around your neck perfectly".
Then there was another time where I was laying on the couch with him when no one else was home and we were making out and he knows how ticklish I am so he randomly said: "I am going to tie you to my bed one day and tickle you and you won't be able to move."
None of that scares me or makes me uncomfortable, I trust he wouldn't ever hurt me so I'd be willing to at least give it a shot. But of course I'd rather have more "elaborate" things happen later after we do first have sex or at least until we feel comfortable to establish that sort of a thing into the relationship as it continues further.

[lahnnabell]

I dunno... He's going about this in a very creepy, passive-aggressive manner. That would freak me out.

[GagaRoma]

Otheriwse he's never "creepy" or agressive though and for the most part he always makes sure I'm comfortable with everything and anything.