what to do...what to do...?? so confused!

**lovely101** · 01-09-10, 03:47 AM

i dont even know how to start... well... me and my husband had many many problems a few months ago, he ended up leaving to stay with his parents.... so i was talking with his friend about all our problems we were having and our relationship started going fether phyically and emotionally, and i really really like him now alot.. but now im back with my husband and he came back to my house. i just dont know how i even feel about that... i have lots of feeling for this other guy now, im sooo confused i dont know what to do?!?!? please help with some advice..

**LuvGuru** · 01-09-10, 05:00 AM

What to do?......NOTHING!(With the friend) Work on repairing or ending your marriage.You said your husband is back at home...Is everything going good now?

**girl68** · 01-09-10, 06:10 AM

Stop talking to the other man. You have a marriage to fix.

Stop means STOP EVERYTHING.

**SapphireBerry** · 01-09-10, 06:23 AM

Sounds like you're drifting off your husband, and as a luvguru said are things ok now? Honestly, why did you marry him in the first place if you knew some other guy was going to be of interest, you best tell your husband now before you end off with this other guy having an affair (not saying you're like that) But seriously, you DO have a marriage to fix and if you love your husband enough you will help fix this up and everything will be good again. We all have our ups and downs but its not worth going off with an other guy. You need to brush this off I think, or else you got a big problem on your hands. I think you just feel connected to this guy because he was 'there' for you and you think maybe he could just be a shoulder to lean on when your husband and you have had a fall out, its not worth it at all

Sapphire x

**lovely101** · 01-09-10, 06:23 AM

i wouldnt say good... but ok. and i would just stop talking to him but the fact is i dont really want too. so many things have happened in my marriage that i dont know if i could just let everything go and fix everything just like its nothing. not talking to him just isnt that easy, not only just bcuz i like him talking to, but i just cant stop thinking about him and i even have dreams about him. i just cant help and ive tried!! i did totally stop talking to him but then i saw him out and me seeing him just made me think of him like crazy...

**kitkitkitty** · 01-09-10, 06:38 AM

Originally Posted by LuvGuru

What to do?......NOTHING! Work on repairing or ending your marriage

well, that's not really nothing is it? and it's either one or the other anyway.

how long have you been together/ married?

**adam95** · 01-09-10, 06:42 AM

yea thats a lot of work. doesn't come under nothing

and yes you will have to forget about the other guy cause you have to work this out with your husband.

**lovely101** · 01-09-10, 06:42 AM

we have been married for about 8 months and together for about 3 years.... and i have felt that my husband never took our marriage seriously, that is the biggest reason why i have all my problems with him.

**kitkitkitty** · 01-09-10, 06:44 AM

in what way has he not taken you seriously. like, has he constantly been taking you for granted or something?
edit- luvguru, the 'Work on repairing or ending your marriage' is what she's here to ask help for, so you're stating the obvious.

**LuvGuru** · 01-09-10, 06:55 AM

He has never taken the marriage seriously? Hummm, Who's idea was it to get married? You can bet that you chatting and being friendly to his friend wont end well, in fact its likely to be a disaster. Being that you say you cant stop talking to the friend...Whats the status of your relationship with him? (The Friend) Have you two discussed your relationship? Does he know how you feel about him?

I edited my first post to better convey what i meant...

**lovely101** · 01-09-10, 06:55 AM

it even started on our wedding night, we didnt even spend it together bcuz he got soooo drunk he started trying to fight everyone including me.... and the next i went to see him and i said i couldnt believe the way he acted and all that and he just was srugging his shoulders about what i was saying...so yes he does take me for granted

**lovely101** · 01-09-10, 06:59 AM

yes he knows now we have talked about it and we just have a friend friendship right now at this point... and it was both of our idea to get married but it was him chosing when and so soon....

**LuvGuru** · 01-09-10, 07:10 AM

Im curious to know...How can you make it 3 years together but struggle to make it 8 months after being married? I only ask because (Call me crazy) I believe that arguments, disagreements or issues are more survivable as BF & GF then a married couple.

**lovely101** · 01-09-10, 07:14 AM

yea im almost thinking the same thing, the whole situation has me all confused and i just want in the end is to be happy.... and i havent been happy in a while with my marriage

**girl68** · 01-09-10, 07:18 AM

Originally Posted by lovely101

i wouldnt say good... but ok. and i would just stop talking to him but the fact is i dont really want too. so many things have happened in my marriage that i dont know if i could just let everything go and fix everything just like its nothing. not talking to him just isnt that easy, not only just bcuz i like him talking to, but i just cant stop thinking about him and i even have dreams about him. i just cant help and ive tried!! i did totally stop talking to him but then i saw him out and me seeing him just made me think of him like crazy...

That was weak ass.

Who said it's easy to fix a nearly broken marriage? No one here even hinted it was going to be easy "and just let everything go just like it's nothing"
You don't have even a remote chance at staying with your husband while you can't help CONTINUING to emotionally invest in another man. And you haven't tried- not hard enough.
If you don't want to stop talking to him- that means you don't want to fix your marriage which means you shouldn't be staying with him.

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