need serious straight forward advice =(

[j1023]

I really need serious advice and would like to post here, cause at this point I value the opinion of a woman more than any =( I apologize in advance for this being so long, as I am a member of a few other relationship forums and I am going to post all the post I have made on them here. I know this is really long but I really could use the help and advice really bad at this point =( everything posted from this post to everything below is up until right now to whats going on. Again, I know this is a lot to read, but I really do need serious advice and help, and would really appreciate any and all advice I am given. Things have just been so down and hard lately =(



About 3 months ago I found out my gf/fiance of 2 1/2 years had slept with another guy 3 times in a week period behind my back. Well I gave her another chance which a lot of my friends said I shouldn't have done. Well everything was ok, but he kept calling and texting her and I started getting really upset about it. Well then after a month had passed almost, she decided that she wanted us to start over as friends and and go on dates and try to rebuild what we once had. Everything was going ok, but after we hadn't spent time together in about 2 weeks, we had made plans to spend the weekend together, and then she decided to go and have a girls night out with her friend she moved in with. Well the next day I was gonna pick her up and surprise her, and she started texting getting all irritable when I said I was on my way, and she told me she was like 45minutes away with her roomate at someones house they crashed at after drinking. Well I ended up driving by the guy she cheated on me withs house and sure enough her car was there! Then I called her and was like why the hell did you lie to me! Then I told her that was it and that she needed to come the next day and get the rest of the stuff she had left! Well then she comes over the next day and we talk and I work things out again with her like an idiot, and she ends up staying the night. Well a week or so goes by, and she brought me my pay that was deposited in her account, then we start texting and one thing led to another and she started getting selfish and condescending with me, so I told her we didn't need to speak for a while. Well after 4 or 5 days of barely any contact, she starts texting me talking about she misses me and really loves me and stuff. Well come to find out, she had actually ran back to the guy she had cheated on me with, and they ended up getting into a bad argument one night and he slammed her up against a fridge and was yelling at her! A few nights after that had happened, she ends up showing up at my house, and wanted another chance. Well, I told her that in order for that to happen, she would have to stop going to this guys house, and he would have to stop texting and calling her, cause right before all of this I found text on her phone between him and her talking about I love u baby and crap, and she said it was nothing! Well anyway she understood what would need to change, or well at least she said she did. Well for the next 2 weeks, she would text me while she was at work, and sometimes call during her lunch or while she would be smoking a cig, but I would never hear from her in the evenings, except for one night maybe two. And I told her that I felt like she was ignoring me and that if she was just wanting to be friends, it would be too hard for me cause I would just want more, and she said she felt the same about me, and that she was still in love with me. Well then it got to the point where I didn't hear from her for like almost 2 days straight. Then finally last sunday she came by and we spoke, and she told me that she did love me and she missed what we had together and that she hopes that eventually things work out for her and I together, but for right now she wants to be single cause everysince she was 15 she dated a guy for a week, then her ex for a year and a half, then right into dating me for 2 1/2 years, and that she realizes how sometimes she enjoys not having to answer to anyone when she's out with friends. And I respected her decision. And she also told me that there was nothing going on between her and this other guy, but yet I find out her car was there a few days back around the afternoon time, only because for some reason my manager decided to just drive by there, then called me and told me and I was like I don't care cause we aren't together. Well then a few days ago my ex gets mad at me cause she started asking what I did the night before and stuff and I told her that my friends wife was sending pics of me to her cousin cause she wanted to see if her cousin thought I was cute, then she asked me how many women I had slept with and I told her that was none of her business (eventhough I haven't slept with anyone), and she was like "I find it funny how u say u still care about me, but yet ur such a guy and just have to have it!". And I told her I hadn't slept with anyone and she said she didn't believe me. Well we got off the phone and she finally calmed down in text. Well she stopped by my job a few hours later to get the new insurance card from me and I gave her a birthday card also with a gift card, and she hunged me really tight and told me to text her later. Well, I'm stuck and my mind is going crazy and I feel like I am the backup guy! And she tells me she wants to keep talking as friends and not stop talking for awhile cause she doesn't want us to distance ourselves from one another. But yet everyone has been telling me that I really just need to start ignoring her calls and text for awhile, but that's so hard for me to do, and not just because I love her, but because I'd feel like I was being mean if I fully ignore her, and because I'm afraid that doing that will just cause her to push farther away from me rather than maybe wanting to eventually work things out and give us another chance together. And everyone keeps telling me that eventhough her birthday is tomorrow, or well technically today, that I need to still ignore her and not respond if she text and not to text her even just to say happy bday, because they said that she really needs to realize how it is when I'm not around. And she tried to call me twice in a row while I was at work, but never left a message and never text. But I feel like not at least saying happy bday to her tomorrow would be mean, or is what everyone is telling me correct and maybe I should just fully ignore her for awhile, even if it is her bday? Please help me out asap! I even thought about staying friends with her but treating her like a friends and not showing her my hurt side, but even when I mention that to my friends, they still say just fully ignore her. She hasn't even really contacted yesterday at all, and only today for the 2 times she tried to call me. Just need good advice asap from someone who has been in this situation or just someone with good advice both male and female perspectives =)

And her bday was on monday, and she has been under the impression that i have been talking to my friends wife's cousin, which i have not been, so on monday morning she tried to call me, and i didn't answer cause i was still half sleep, and then she sends a text that said "i think its ****ed up that you can't speak to me and tell me happy bday on my bday cause your with that bitch," then she sent a few more.....well I ended up speaking to her a few times, then i went and hung out with her sis's boyfriend, and my ex and her sis came back to the house and i saw her for like 10minutes then she had to leave to go to work, and she hugged me, then i told her happy bday and she left.

well....I found out today that she has still been hanging out with this guy, but from what her sis's boyfriend tells me, my ex and the guy said they are not dating and are just friends......well I ended up calling and leaving her a voicemail, and I told her in the voicemail that i was tired of all the damn mind games and feeling this way, and that everytime I see her, or she calls me and text me, I think about everything we had together and have been through together, and then I think about where we are now and it upsets me, and i just couldn't go on feeling like this anymore, so it would be best that after i leave the voicemail we no longer have any contact for awhile.

well.....after i got off work, I cut my phone back on, and she had sent me a few text talking about she really wants to talk about everything again before we not longer have contact, then she tried to call me but I didn't answer or reply. Then she sent me a text telling me she really did miss snuggling with me and kissing me and that she loved me very much. well i replied and said "don't tell me you love me when you cheat on me, then after I still try to make things work after the fact, you leave me!" then she replied back and said she loves me so very much and that she thinks about me everyday, and really wants to be with me, but she said that everytime she sees me, she just feels like she's not good enough for me after what she did. But I didn't reply. then she text and said she would see me friday and would try to contact me tomorrow.

she is supposed to come by friday to pick up the car tags, and I really do love her and really want to be with her and talk about things, but she started saying she missed me and loved me last time i had told her I didn't want to speak anymore for awhile and stopped all contact, then we spoke and everything seemed ok, then back to square 1..... I keep wondering if maybe I should just keep no contact until friday then maybe talk to her about everything, or if maybe i should continue no contact, then when she comes friday just not talk about it at all, or either talk about it but still enforce no contact for awhile. Its like I want to try to make things work, and I want her to come back, but I know that it has to be up to her, and up to time.....please help :_(

[j1023]

I appreciate the support! =) today has been a little down so far since yesterday, but I'm keeping my head up =) I do love her, and I constantly think about her just running to this other guy fully due to me ignoring her now, but then I've had people tell me that its possible that she will start trying harder to see me and make things work due to me ignoring her and putting my foot down. And I know I have to stay strong and keep my foot down, because last time I ignored her for days, she started talking about how much she missed me and really loved me so much and wished I would give her another chance, and of course what do I do......I give her another chance, and I explain to her that it would be the last chance I give and I told her what would have to change for me to consider, and she said ok.....but then after that its like she went back to square 1 with me, and then would only contact me during the days and some evenings, then it went to almost about 2 full days with no contact from her, then she comes over and tells me that she wants to be single and that she hoped for things to eventually change for her and I, and that she has just been enjoying hanging out with friends and realizing she doesn't have to answer to anyone, and that since she was 15 she dated a guy for like a week, then dated her ex before me for about 1 1/2 years, then right into dating me and has never really had a chance to just be single for a while. But yet I find out she's still been hanging out with the other guy, and eventhough they are not dating, I'm sure they've fooled around! but then now that I've had enough, she starts telling me how she loves me so much and wants to be with me but just feels like she isn't good enough for me after what happened???? And then she starts assuming that due to how I am acting now she thinks I've found someone else?????? And I know she's probably going to try to contact me today, and when I ignore her she is probably going to get all pissy and what not and then say fine, or try to say something like "i really wanted to work things out but I guess you don't want to now....." or something along those lines to try to get me to respond......And like everyone keeps telling me, she will never truly realize anything or truly miss what she had with me if I'm still there....

[j1023]

no contact with her today at all, and surprisingly, she didn't even send me a text or try to contact me at all today, but I can already guess why on that.....I will admit that it does hurt and it has been hard, but like a friend of mines ex told me, once I put my foot down and stop all this bullshit my heart will break and I will admit that it has =_( I know that I just have to keep my head up and keep moving forward and thinking positive though. I have had bad mental images of her doing all the intimate and erotic things her and I have done together with this other guy, and I guess that is just part of the healing process, and I wish that she could feel that too, which part of me thinks that she has been since she was getting all snappy and mean thinking I was talking to my friends wife's cousin.... But in all honesty, the mental images have died down a lot from where they were over a month ago so that is a sign that I am slowly healing and getting past all of this bullshit =) And when she comes to get the car tags, I will hand them to her and look at her and say goodbye and go about my business cause I already know she doesn't expect me to put my foot down face to face, but rather cower down and be all loving, but she will be in for a rude awakening! I do love her, and I always will and maybe one day things could be different, but I am done dealing with all of her manipulative bullshit, and I refuse to be the backup guy just because she knows how kind hearted and loving I am! I am an amazing guy with a one of a kind heart and in all honesty all I can say to her is goodluck finding someone who will love you the way I did and as much as I did and stick by your side even at your worst! I spoke to a really good friend of mine, and she said for me to be prepared for the possibility of my ex trying to start doing anything to try to get back together with me, but I gotta keep my foot down and in place.

now on to tomorrow, take it one day at a time and keep my head above water and stay strong.

[j1023]

She was supposed to come get the car tags earlier today, and sent a txt this afternoon askin if she could come get them after work, and I said sure, then she wanted to make sure tags came in and not just receipt, and I told her I wasn't home, would check when I got there in a few. Then she was like ok, then 20 minutes later she txt and ask if I was home yet and I was still short and to the point and said "no...be there in a few" and she was like u said u would be there in a few min, and I said no I said a few, then she said "a few what" and I stopped txting back and she was like "nevermind...ill just go to tag building and pay them again" and I was like "I will check when I get home, k bye" Well then she ended up calling around 4pm and said she wouldn't be able to come and I said ok and told her I had plans all weekend so she would have to contact my mom and get them whenever she is at home. Btw she's under my moms insurance. And she was like ok, which I find it funny how when I first said there would be no more contact between her and I, she got all emotional but yet 3 days later (now) the way she sounded on phone was like she sounded fine with no care. Today went great for me, but I still have a lot on my mind. But that was it for contact between her and I, and that's been the only contact since tuesday. Later everybody

[j1023]

I've been doing good so far or well I have my good moments and bad moments...I just find it funny how she puts on this front like she puts on this front like she doesn't care after 2 1/2 years and after everything we had together before all the bull****! But that's fine cause I know I'm an amazing, kind hearted unique guy who has so much love to give =). I have a heart that rivals most men in this world and I will make somebody very happy one day! Right now isn't one of my best moments either.... I'm starting to get visions again of her ****ing him and going down on him and it really is putting me down!!!! Usually music solves that but not at the moment!!!! I hate her so ****ing much for how she is towards me now!!!!! **** her!!!!! I'm done with her ****ing bullshit!!!! This is what I get for being a sweet loving nice kind hearted giving guy!!!!!

[j1023]

so she tried to call me earlier today, and i didn't answer, then she sent me a txt saying "its very important. please answer." and i still didn't reply or answer, cause I have fallen for that before the last time around when she tried to call then txt and said its was an emergency, come to find out she just wanted to talk to me..... well then she calls her sister (since I was over hanging out at her sis's and sis's boyfriends house cause he is a really good friend of mine) and was bitching at her sis, then her sis hands me the phone, and I said no I don't want to talk to her, and handed the phone back to her sis, and her sis told her i didn't want to talk, then she got off the phone. Well then she txt me about 15min later saying her sis tried to call, and she was at work and would call me later. Then she txt me about 30-45min later asking if she could stop by tomorrow, and I said no cause I had to work, and that i was off from tues-thurs and would be busy thurs, so she could stop by no later than weds to get the rest of her stuff I will be packing up, and she txt back saying that she wanted the car tags by tomorrow cause she paid them, and could she stop by my work, and I told her no cause I cant have visitors and got in trouble last time, and that she can stop by no later than weds or either today (well yesterday now) and if not then she can go through my mother to try to stop by when my mom is here, then i said bye, and she ended up txting back saying "ok whatever wednesday" I find it funny how I told her that since she couldn't come by last friday to get the tags she would have to talk with my mom and try to stop by when she would be here, cause I would be busy, but yet she is still trying to get them from me instead..... And my friends told me that when she comes by Wednesday, I need to have all her stuff I will be packing sitting on porch out front for her to get when she gets here, and that I don't need to say anything to her when she comes over, cause arguing or getting mad will only show her that she can get a rise out of me, and it would just make me look stupid and give her something else to use as fuel. But there will be no contact until Wednesday when she comes to get her stuff, and if she tries to contact me before then I will let her know that there is no need to contact me and that I will see her Wednesday for her to get her things. It is hard for me to be this way because I am not the asshole type, and I do love her but I am sick of it, and if I don't put my foot down she will just continue to lie and walk all over me! And she obviously still seems to think I am acting this way because I found someone else which isn't the case, but like my friends tell me, let her think that if she wants to....

[kitkitkitty]

i read only your 1st post so sorry if i repeat something. she started all of this with her cheating and now you found out she's gona want you again, get her way. you're bound to overthink this all so go back to the basics of why it all started and where it went wrong and it centres around her. it hurts to stop talking to her because you weren't the one who cheated on her but visa versa. your periods of 'non-contact' are so short it's unreal but you've gotta stop talking to this girl. she proved to you that you're not right for each other by cheating on you. you'll move on eventually but the longer you give in to talking to her, the longer it'll hurt. she sounds pretty childish and attention-seeking too.

[j1023]

she is coming to get the rest of her stuff on wednesday, cause I told her that I will have it packed up and she needs to come by wednesday and get the rest of it when she comes to get the car tags. And she kept trying to contact me yesterday about it and I wouldn't answer, and she texted and said please answer, its important, and I am not falling for that again like I once did not to long ago....then she text me this morning saying "just wanted to say goodmorning" then she sent another text right after that said "i hope you had a good time last night." and I never replied to any of it. All my friends said that when she comes on wednesday to get her things, I don't need to speak to her at all, cause she may try to play on my emotions or something. She also thinks I am acting this way because I found somebody else, which is not the case cause I haven't, but everybody said to let her think whatever she wants to....

read the rest when you get time =) the rest of the post I put up are not nearly as long as my first post lol, and u will get a better idea of what is going on as of now =) I really appreciate your reply, as I could use all the female advice I can get cause I feel that is where I get the best advice =) Tonight has been ok so far, but I have my good days and my bad days when I think about it, but I know that will last for a while, and I have to make sure that on wednesday I just give her her belonging and the car tags and say bye and thats it, if I even say that much and I have to make sure that no matter what she says, I don't say anything or start any conversation just in case she tries to start a conversation and try to get a rise out of me. But what if she cries? =( and I definitely must not respond to any text from her no matter what, even if she text me something like "fine travis I wanted to work things out but I guess your really done talking to me!" or anything like that... everybody has also told me that it is very possible that things between her and this other guy could get worse since it was started off of lies from the get go, and that she may start to realize what she lost and misses, and may try to run back to me, and I must make sure I don't go for it....

[WaiKru]

I know I'm not a girl but...Dude you need to break your sh*t up in paragraphs or something. No one is going to read walls of text.

Anyway, from what I gathered by skimming, she's a liar and a cheater. Don't put up with that. There are better people out there.

[j1023]

She came by yesterday and picked up her stuff, and I didn't say much of anything to her, except when I told her I had more stuff, she said she couldn't take the rest right now and I told her I would put rest in garage and will leave it unlocked whenever she decides to come get it...and she tries to tell her sis's bf that she isn't mad and that it hurts her too and she misses me too...now no more contact at all. Weird thing is that after she left, I got a message on my phone saying she had accepted my friend request on fb that I had sent her weeks ago...why?

[kitkitkitty]

she's slowly realizing that karma has come and bitten her right on the ass. she did this so you notice her and you keep thinking about her, that's why she's txting! to make sure she stays wedged in your head. you've started no contact whatsoever and keep at it you NEED to move on. as i said she's attention-seeking and will feed off anything she can get from you, don't fall for it.

[j1023]

That's what I thought she accepted my request for....I will keep her on there, but I can set my main page to just show my status post. Everybody also keeps telling me to not post anything that may show that I'm hurt or down or sad cause she will see that, and that I need to just post anything that shows or seems that I'm ok and enjoying myself. I mean hell last post I saw from her this morning didn't show her being down about all this bullshit

[kitkitkitty]

do exactly what you've said and you'll slowly get over her rubbish. also, try not to make a habit out of looking at her page or checking if she's online, that won't help at all. but you can pretty much guarantee that she will be.

[j1023]

its just really hard and hurts a lot because I am not usually this way period cause it just doesn't fit my personality =( she text me earlier around 3ish saying she just wanted to let me know about her getting approved for her surgery dealing with her injuries to her feet from when she was in basic training a little over a year ago, and I didn't reply back. I wonder if she was expecting me to reply back, since for the longest time I always told her that I was worried about her foot and shin injuries and that I really hoped she was able to get it taken care of, and now she is which I am happy she is, but it did hurt me that I didn't reply back, but I must stay strong and stick to no contact cause as much as I love her, I will no stand to be kept around as a backup plan, and I really feel that she is masking her feelings and trying not to show them, but that is her decision. all I can do is stay strong and keep looking forward and make sure I am ok.

[kitkitkitty]

she's still playing the same game of 'oh something important happened to ME ME ME talk to ME notice ME'. sorry to be harsh but if she loved you, would he have cheated on you? it wasn't even once or twice she can't blame it on anyone else and she's nothing but greedy and immature. c'mon you really think you can trust her after that? it's hard because you've formed a huge bond with her and you've slowly got to break this habit or you'll never move forwards in life. and of course you still love her, it's understandable, you never went behind her back. and what if she'd never gotten caught, think she'd be telling you the truth and appologizing? HELL NO. it's funny how cheaters appologize and will do 'anything to get you back' after they've been caught and can't carry on their games eh? i really do sympathise with you but i'm trying to show you the harsh reality of it. realize you're worth a lot more than a cheater. stick to what you're doing now with no contact, what's the point of you getting hurt even more?