The Perpetually Dissatisfied Male

[lahnnabell]

Another poster brought a really interesting question to my attention. She basically asked, "Have you ever felt butterflies because you loved someone so much?" It made me think about my own experiences with the men in my life.

In my experience, this feeling or sensation seems to fade very quickly for men. I'm not saying this is the case with all men, but certainly the ones I've dated. Like right now, I still feel butterflies when I'm on my way to my boyfriend's house, or when he looks at me like I'm the only woman in the world. I really don't think it's the same feeling for him though.

I'm not quick to get down on myself at all though because I know I'm a great girlfriend. I'm very sweet to my guy, and I'm happy to dote on him (which he loves), or give him space when he requests it (which he appreciates). However, I feel as though there is a point when that stops being enough.

My boyfriend, and all of my exes up to this point, seem to have reached a point where they are stuck being perpetually dissatisfied with everything. They grow depressed and lazy in every aspect of their lives (personally, emotionally, professionally, etc.) While I'm still moving forward, working hard, nurturing my friendships, and being a dutiful girlfriend, they seem to just slow down and stop.

I realize that most of this probably has to do with maturity. Most young, immature guys seem to follow the general commitment-phobia stereotype and when real life starts to creep in they freeze like a deer in headlights.

Where do you guys and girls stand on this? Am I way off base? It's making me seriously take another look at the kind of men I invest in. It seems like the ones that are full of ambition and drive are the least capable of nurturing a relationship, and the ones that choose to commit in a relationship lack no desire to move upward professionally and become fully, functional independent adults. I have yet to find a balanced male equal to myself it seems.

What do you think? When did you finally snap out of it and decide to grow up?

[hurt_confuzd]

It takes something special to realize that while you're completely in the right and your partners are all unable to keep up with your maturity, you further rule out the possibility it has anything to do with you. You must really be great.

Props.

[lahnnabell]

Well, perhaps if you actually knew me you'd be able to pick out more detailed flaws other than the fact that I seem incredibly full of myself (which you've already stated anyway).

[hurt_confuzd]

I also happen to know that you have long hair.

[lahnnabell]

Very astute of you.

[Charlie Boy II]

Yeah I do that. I start off being really into a girl, and then quickly take her for granted, and then - the final stage - fixate on her flaws until I no longer find her attractive and end the relationship.

I wish I didn't do that, and I think I'm growing out of a bit.

[lahnnabell]

Yeah I do that. I start off being really into a girl, and then quickly take her for granted, and then - the final stage - fixate on her flaws until I no longer find her attractive and end the relationship.

I wish I didn't do that, and I think I'm growing out of a bit.

I'm not just talking about a guy's commitment to relationships though. In my experience with guys (my exes obviously), a good number of them became so unbalanced that school lacked importance, or they were content with shuffling their feet at work. We all have a ton of shit to wade through (some more than others) and it seems that the guys I keep meeting always go this route. Maybe it's the age group I'm looking at. Perhaps I should just stick to guys at least 5 years my senior. I dunno. It seems anything less than that is a waste of my time at this point.

[Lite]

Maybe you should pick a better breed of male to date.

[Charlie Boy II]

I'm not just talking about a guy's commitment to relationships though. In my experience with guys (my exes obviously), a good number of them became so unbalanced that school lacked importance, or they were content with shuffling their feet at work. We all have a ton of shit to wade through (some more than others) and it seems that the guys I keep meeting always go this route. Maybe it's the age group I'm looking at. Perhaps I should just stick to guys at least 5 years my senior. I dunno. It seems anything less than that is a waste of my time at this point.

I agree focus comes with maturity. I dicked around at school in my early 20s and then drifted into a career I wasn't all that stoked on. I turned it all around when I hit 24-25 and made some pretty big proactive decisions. At first to spend 9 month overseas by myself and then to study law which is a perfect career for me and I haven't regretted the decision for a second, and then get a great job at a law firm.

So I suppose mabybe that's somewhat tpyical - 18-23 were definitely "muddling" years in terms of school and career. But since I turned 24, 25 it's like I've had a rocket under me. A lot of my family and friends have commented on the change.

But of co

[lahnnabell]

Maybe you should pick a better breed of male to date.

I'm not sure I know of any other breeds. I always feel so confident in my decisions. Every guy starts out telling me about their goals, ambitions, and dreams... then months go by and it starts to look like those dreams are going to stay that way. Just dreams. They coast by, content to waste money and energy on frivolous activities. The good qualities outweigh the negative for a while, but then I start to get short with patience.

And I'm realizing more and more that I haven't given myself enough time to take care of me. I've spent so much time investing in others and never doing what's precisely right for me. That is my own fault. And that is why I am not moving to NYC or back home to Boston. That is why I'm going to kick ass at being a manager. That is why I'm going to get myself out of this hole by myself. Fcuk anyone who gets in my way.

[lahnnabell]

Seems like the only thing you do is care about you.

Yeah, you would say that you antagonistic little bastard. The romantic drivel I post on here is only a small window into my life though. Only a few posters have seen the bigger picture, or have paid enough attention to see the bigger picture. You see what you want: opportunities to get under the skin of others. I suspect this is because you are perpetually dissatisfied yourself.

[hurt_confuzd]

I suspect this is because you are perpetually dissatisfied yourself.

First of all, you're obviously trying to antagonize me by creating posts I didn't write and responding to them.

Secondly: [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Popular_psychology#Popular_misconceptions_and_the_ effort_to_counteract]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Popular_psychology#Popular_misconceptions_and_the_ effort_to_counteract[/url]

[lahnnabell]

First of all, you're obviously trying to antagonize me by creating posts I didn't write and responding to them.

Secondly: [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Popular_psychology#Popular_misconceptions_and_the_ effort_to_counteract]Popular psychology - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia[/url]

That statement might hold had I not quoted you in my response.

[lahnnabell]

Haha, you little shit.

[hurt_confuzd]

That statement might hold had I not quoted you in my response.

I'm madly in love with you and I crave your attention.

I would stay attracted to you throughout the length of the relationship. Just look at my relationship with Indi.