Love problem :/

[arx123]

Hey..
Well, My first post here so..live with me
There is this girl that I love...alot...We met last year, became friends, then best friends..(Senior in High school by the way..if that matters), but the first time I met her..I instantly fell in love..not just like "wow..look at her"...but I mean in love love.. Although, she loved someone else, and I as her friend, wanted her to be happy, which is what I want her to be, decided to help her get the guy she loves...that didn't work so well..that guy just ended up breaking her heart, and I was deciding to ask her, but with her being in a super sad mood and all...I didn't think it was the right choice...and I just couldn't bring myself to ask her...The last thing I want to do is hurt her.. I mean she's the sweetest, cutest little angel in the world..and she means more to me than my life..back to the story..I let her cool down a bit, and some of her/my friends that we had in common started telling me that she had a crush on me (which I still think is false..I"m 99% sure thats false.), so I thought it was the right time, the last dance of the school was coming, I had to go out for family problems, and when I came back, someone had taken her from her feet... then summer came, and she ended up asking me if I like her, and she soon knew about it, and and she was ok with it..and we..or her just moved on..Sorry if im doing something wrong here..first time I fell in love, first time I was rejected (wrong word choice here..but you get the point )..back to summer..Soon, something was happening to me..I didn't know what it was...at first, once a week or so..I got pretty depressed for about 1-2 hours...once a week..then more, and more, and now almost every day, especially at night..And i get REALLY depressed..I usually don't cry or of that sort, but I really cant stop it..I feel like I'm carrying 1000 pounds, tears just come out for no reason, sometimes i get horrible heart aches for about 4-5 seconds, and I when I take a shower, if I'm depressed..I cant keep my sel standing..I get very weak..I don't know how to stop it.. She knows I get depressed (although I've only told her I get sad..not much of anything else)..I really don't want her to worry..I can't stand to make her sad or worried..I really don't want that to happen...
Over summer..I tried to get her out of my mind..but I couldn't..she'd be in my dreams every night, the first thing thatll pop into my mind in the morning,etc etc...when ever I see her, my heart pounds REALLY fast and hard..and all I could do is smile..(sad..I know :/)...And now, especially that school started (this monday), my feelings rose even more when I saw her for the first time in months..I have one class with her (out of 6), and it's pretty hard..I try to get her out of my mind..but I just can't..I can't get her sweetness, kindness, pretty ness, etc...etc.. out of my mind..i just can't..

Sorry for all the typing..just needed to vent a little And yeah..when I see her, think about her, etc..I feel very warm inside...like the happiest person in the world..she makes me the happiest person in the world just by me looking at her..and now...a couple days ago..I got so depressed (i think that was the cause) that I couldnt eat for 2 days straight..(And I eat ALOT)...so...yeah..she's the love of my life, and I would never try to hurt her...I would give up my life for her..which is why I don't want to tell her the full truth about what I go through and all...but I just don't know what to do..the farther I get from her..the more I become in love..the closer..the more..etc..

Thanks for listening to all this
If you need me to say anything else, just ask..

[Progressus]

To be honest: Your post made me scratch my head...

Although, she loved someone else, and I as her friend, wanted her to be happy, which is what I want her to be, decided to help her get the guy she loves...

Come on... you got to be kidding me: You really WANT her to be happy with SOMEONE ELSE? Stop that crap... that's nonsense... and you know it.

I was deciding to ask her, but with her being in a super sad mood and all...I didn't think it was the right choice...and I just couldn't bring myself to ask her...

Ask her what? To be your girlfriend?

Seriously, although you're still kind of young... listen... that's NOT what women want! Don't verbalize your feelings before you get into her pants (or anything close to that), it makes you look like a complete fool (no offense).

I mean she's the sweetest, cutest little angel in the world..and she means more to me than my life..

Look at the bolded part. Now, think real hard: ARE YOU ****ING SERIOUS?

Sorry if im doing something wrong here..first time I fell in love, first time I was rejected (wrong word choice here..but you get the point )..

That's fine. And I don't want to marginalize your feelings. However, are your really sure you LOVE her? I mean... no doubt you never felt as much for another girl. But calling this "love" is a mistake a lot of young people make.

back to summer..Soon, something was happening to me..I didn't know what it was...at first, once a week or so..I got pretty depressed for about 1-2 hours...once a week..then more, and more, and now almost every day, especially at night..And i get REALLY depressed..I usually don't cry or of that sort, but I really cant stop it..I feel like I'm carrying 1000 pounds, tears just come out for no reason, sometimes i get horrible heart aches for about 4-5 seconds, and I when I take a shower, if I'm depressed..I cant keep my sel standing..I get very weak..I don't know how to stop it.. She knows I get depressed (although I've only told her I get sad..not much of anything else)..I really don't want her to worry..I can't stand to make her sad or worried..I really don't want that to happen...

Reading that made me cringe. It's not like I don't understand what you're saying, I know exactly, I can completely relate to that kind of situation.

Trust me: THE PROBLEM IS WITHIN YOU! The problem is not that you love that girl and she doesn't (completely) reciprocate your feelings.

The thing you're suffering from is all the stuff you've made up in your head: The more you think about her, the bigger your desire gets, right?

You know... I've answered your post because nobody did so far. And believe me, all I want to do is help. Sure, what I said isn't exactly what you like to hear, but as you grow older you'll eventually realize that I wasn't too far off with my assumptions.

You have a huge issue with yourself-- and you should iron out that first before thinking about getting into a serious relationship and thus projecting all your needs and desires onto this single girl. Suppose for a minute you're dating that girl, all your dreams come true, you're "the happiest man alive". **** that! Because what do you think you'll look like if she's leaving you after 5 years or so? Do you really think you'll have made any progress by that time? You'll even be in WORSE shape.

What you should do is get your head clear, maybe date a couple of other women, make some experiences (good and bad ones). Then, after a while, if you still feel about her that way, then we can talk again.

I may sound a bit rude, but all I'm trying is to help. I wish you all the best!

[arx123]

No no..not rude at all.. I can understand what you're saying.. Thanks for the comments..really do appreciate them
And no..really..If she loves someone else, and if i "love" her(I'm sure it's love..), I want her to be happy..And Im serious..

And you're right about the fact that fact the more I think about her the bigger my desire does get..And I really do try to get my head clear..My friends even tried setting up a date..but nothing seems to be working :/

Thanks for the answer though..really do appreciate you're help

[R. Harris]

Hi there.
I just wanted to let you know that you're by no means the only person going through this! I have pretty much the same problem (see my thread) and I understand exactly how you feel - she makes you happy just when you see her, you're weak and depressed, you'd die for her, you can't eat... and so on and so forth. Yes, I feel just how you do and I'm sorry to say that as yet I have found no real cure for it. I was how you are now after one year - you try living with it for three! For me, ,it just continuued to get worse as she saw more of other guys and had more and more boyfreinds (sorry if this depresses you further).
I can't really be much help to you as I also have had to come to this site for advice! But I thought it might make you feel better to know that someone else feels equally depressed about the same thing.

Oh, by the way, don't get down about what Progressus said about you needing to move on from her - you didn't make yourself fall in love with this girl did you? No. So you can't make yourself fall out of love with her either. Something about her fills your senses, makes you go limp and weak, and takes you over with an all consuming happiness. If she is really your true love and worth everything to you then she is surely worth suffering for.

Much to my disappointment, I have descovered that there is no real answer to this, and if there is one it is certainly not straightforward.

Sorry if I haven't helpled, but if you want to talk about it, I'm here.

[arx123]

Thanks for the relpy too^^

[Progressus]

Oh, by the way, don't get down about what Progressus said about you needing to move on from her - you didn't make yourself fall in love with this girl did you? No. So you can't make yourself fall out of love with her either.

This is absolutely true.

Just to stress my point: Dating other girls will definitely make him ease up, and maybe not suffer THAT HARD.

I'm not saying he can make his feelings vanish that way. If someone's hoping for that, this someone is in for a big backlash in future days. Unfortunately, I know exactly what I'm talking about there (suppressing feelings and stuff).

[arx123]

Some of my friends actually set me up on same dates (2 of them)...but I had no feelings for them at all...nothing.. I guess ill keep trying though..If anything, when I was dating the others, my feelings intesnified ever more than before (towards her..not the people i was dating..)..

We'll see what happens i guess

[PixxiePop]

I really hope that you continue to hide the fact that you are completely obsessed with her existence from her. I am by no means trying to be rude here but as a girl, if a guy made me aware of all of the things that you are feeling, it would be a 100% turn off. I understand completely where you are coming from because I have had these feelings for guys before but trust me, it's not love. One day you are going to want to slap yourself in the face for wasting so much time and energy thinking about this girl. There is someone out there for you and it will be a 50-50 relationship and you wont have to make such an effort to get her attention. I know that you really care about her but if she knows that you like her, and hasn't tried to do anything about that.... then it's probably just not going to happen. I'm sorry. But, you will find someone that you have all of those feelings for... maybe more.... that will have the same feelings for you as well. Hang in there!

[arx123]

How would I know if it is love or not? Becuase it reaaaallly seems that way..I really think it's love..but is there a way of finding out?
She did try to help me..she tried to match me up with some other people, she told me I deserve better, etc..so yeah...

Thanks for the comments!

[PixxiePop]

There is a large difference in LOVE and LUST. You may love her, who knows, but, it sort of seems to me like you are only lusting after her. I don't really know you, but you have a long life ahead of you. You may feel these strong emotions for this girl but there is a possibility they are there simply because you want to know what its like to have her as more than a friend. There is so much time for you to grow and find out things about yourself. Try focusing on yourself and your goals rather than clouding your brain with someone who doesn't have enough courage to tell you she does not reciprocate your feelings. I promise you, one day you will find a girl that you love, and it will probably knock you on your butt and you will look back to this situation and laugh.

[arx123]

Thanks for the comment I've been trying my best not to cloud my brain about her for the past year, but its really hard to get her out...

Ill try my best though..

[PixxiePop]

Good luck!

[arx123]

Thanks

Just wish there was a way I could get her out of my mind..especially becomes difficult when I have class with her..she right across from facing me..and our eyes meet so much..ugghh..its just hard not to stare at her..and when she stares back (which is alot..) my feelings intensify :/

[PixxiePop]

Oh my, staring is bad. Creepy actually. No offense. More than likely once you finally move onto bigger and better things and make yourself more UNavailable to her, she might miss the attention. But, I don't know her, or you... so I'm not really sure. But the staring thing... no no no no nooo.

[arx123]

Yeah..I would think staring is bad..and I don't try to...but sometimes I just find my self looking her way..
Hmmm..about her..she is a person that always cares about other people..she offers help to any kind of stranger, and actually is active in any way to help poor people..etc..she's that sweet..literally..she's never jealous, never angry, and always tries to make people happy, well..tries her best...she's super smart, and savors every moment(she has some sort of cancer, and her life was actually supposed to end a couple months ago)she actually has alot of problems..but I don't know to much.....her boyfriend life wasnt to successful (in one case she was stabbed and almost raped)..although I think she's the prettiest person in the world, most people see her as..average..

and yeah...I'm pretty shy..not to "manly"..only guy in my group with no muscles/or 6pack, more sensative, like to joke..etc....


Haha..just talking nonsense now :p
Appreciate your help though..i really do..