Benefits of Marriage - Hard Work - Is it Worth It?

[hopefull1972]

Hello Everyone,

I've been married for 12 years with 3 beautiful children. I hear all the time how marriage is a lot of work but it is all worth it. I was wonderding today, is it really worth it? What ARE the benefits of marriage? I have put everything into my marriage and yes, it is very hard work, but I don't really see the "benefits" of marriage outside of the family/parental aspect. I consider myself a "giver" by nature meaning that I am always trying to please and enjoy others being happy. And yes, my wife traditionally has been a "taker". Seems like a good fit. However, at times, I don't see what I really get out of marriage. I see clearly the benefits of being a "Father". I have three beautiful children that bring me joy. I enjoy raising them and trying to make them the best they can be. I rely on God t give me the strength and wisdom to impact their lives so that they can avoid some of the mistakes I made and they can truly reach their potential as human beings. I also know that being a father and husband overlap and that the marriage relationship has aided in the family and raising of children. I get that but besides that, what really are the benefits of marriage that exceed this hard work and sacrifice. I heard someone say it today. "Marriage is hard work, but it is worth it.... Almost asked them to explain how it is worth it... list it out"

Just asking.

HF

[IndiReloaded]

Its one of the more profound learning experiences one can have, IMO.

[VincenzoG91]

What's the alternative to marriage? Solitude? Endless dating? The same relationship, only without the commitment of marriage vows? Try harder to appreciate what you have, because the alternatives aren't that great, especially the endless dating one.

[IndiReloaded]

I like being married, actually. Sure, we drive each other nuts sometimes, but it nice for the most part.

[sookie6]

People can live together without being married I think That's what the OP is trying to say...Apart from the security it provides to the children and surely in this case the OP's wife what is in it for the OP as a husband...

Is he supposed to feel more fulfilled, more accomplished because he is married?

This is the question.

In France, Marriage is not as big as I saw it to be in the UK for example...people take ages to marry (it doesn't keep them from having children though and most often the children are recognised by the father and therefore protected as they would be in a marriage)...Besides the Law has created a new contract called PAcs that gives the same rights to couples even when not married...so marriage is becoming useless...just another excuse to spend money and meet unwanted relatives

My post sounds cynical I think...but I'm scratching me head trying to find some good reasons to get married and can't find any other than to please your fiancee. Us women want to think that you're taking that step.It's romantic and it's the transaltion of mutual love in our eyes.

I would love to get married. Only we'd get married in secret during a sunny holiday.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, I suppose there are some men out there who still enjoy being a provider for his family. Its harder to find these days, I guess, b/c lots more women have their own income. But I think there are still some women who enjoy running a household, raising children and maintaining her husband's assets so he can be successful.

Husband (n)
ORIGIN late Old English (in the senses [male head of a household] and [manager, steward] ), from Old Norse húsbóndi ‘master of a house,’ from hús ‘house’ + bóndi ‘occupier and tiller of the soil.’ The original sense of the verb was [till, cultivate.]

[hopefull1972]

I enjoy the thought of marriage. However, someone asked me to list the benefits of marriage and I could not think of many. I said the standard, to share a life experience with someone and grow old together. But that is it for me at least. Is it to depend on a person? Is it to be committed to a person? I personally don't think I can depend on my wife nor do I think she would be there for me no matter what. She hasnt been in the past. However, I think she has grown from that experience and could be dependable in the future. I would like to believe she would be there for me but you never know. However, I have just gotten to the point where I understand that we are all human and every human is capable and likely of letting us down or not being there in times of need. I just depend on God who is eternal and will always be there. So, with that belief, where does the benefit of marriage fit in.

[NewStart]

Might as well get my bias clearly stated up front: I have had two failed marriages. I appreciate the question you raise. What are the benefits of marriage? Of course, there are the basics: comfort, familiarity, stability, getting to know someone over a lifetime, no risk of sexually-transmitted infections, a real Home in which to raise your children . . .

I am questioning whether these clear benefits are worth the sacrifices made: autonomy, independence, novelty, excitement, wild sex, meeting many different people . . .

If your marriage is giving back more than it's taking (i.e. paying dividends), you're doing well. If it feels one-sided, like you're giving (substantially) more than you're getting, you might look into couples' counseling to see where improvements could be made.

[kalen]

Well, at my puny age of 20 i see little benefits to marriage (some from a male point of view).
Pro's:
- The symbolic part
- It's harder for her to dump you (that is, you have more time to make up for mistakes and stuff and try to fix it - divorces are hell)
- She's gonna be really happy for a few years or so , thus so will you for about the same amount of time
- If she wants to get married to you , it means she is willing to accept the things about you that annoy her (at least in most cases i guess)
Con's:
-It's as hard for you to break up with her as it is for her to break up with you
-If dumped, you might lose lotsa stuff
-You get to wear a ring for the rest of your life
-It's darn expensive - as in EXPENSIVE to get married these days.
-You can tell her to do a blood test even if you don't marry her
-You can have children and the same environment as a family even if you don't marry her
-She can move in even if you don't marry her
-Marriage is more like a long-term relationship these days so it's almost the same. (Btw - what defines a long-term relationship?)
-Her parrents will feel the urge to nag you more if you're married
And others i can't think of right now.
At least that's what I've heard from a lot of married people over my short existance.

[Junket]

The idea of marriage is becoming more appealing to me.

One reason being that my own family is severely fractured, and her family is very close knit. I do have a longing for some kind of stable support network.

Friends aren't the same, especially as they get older and move on with their own lives, (and families).

Another reason is that it would legitimately make her very happy. She's not the bridezilla type, and has a solid head on her shoulders, marriage is important to her for several reasons, but more important to me is that she's an appeaser, she often will compromise for my sake on many things, and I believe she's more than earned her wish to be married. More and more I want the same.

[sookie6]

Frasbee I think if you proposed you marriage will have a high chance for success.

You are one of the very rare men I know who is wanting to marry not because he's pressured into it, not because he's afraid of losing his gfriend...but just because you love her and can see how happy she makes you.

[Junket]

Frasbee I think if you proposed you marriage will have a high chance for success.

You are one of the very rare men I know who is wanting to marry not because he's pressured into it, not because he's afraid of losing his gfriend...but just because you love her and can see how happy she makes you.

I'm taking the matter pretty seriously, my viewpoints on the matter have gone 180 since a year or two ago and I'd like to make sure I'm not just on chemicals from re-uniting with her after a short term away from her.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, at my puny age of 20 i see little benefits to marriage (some from a male point of view).
Pro's:
- The symbolic part
- It's harder for her to dump you (that is, you have more time to make up for mistakes and stuff and try to fix it - divorces are hell)
- She's gonna be really happy for a few years or so , thus so will you for about the same amount of time
- If she wants to get married to you , it means she is willing to accept the things about you that annoy her (at least in most cases i guess)
- It provides social stability for those wanting to raise children
- Regular sex
- Companionship
- You get to combine the resources (financial, intellectual, social) of two people for working towards goals
- Someone who is 'on your team' and can be relied upon
Con's:
-It's as hard for you to break up with her as it is for her to break up with you
-If dumped, you might lose lotsa stuff
-You get to wear a ring for the rest of your life
-It's darn expensive - as in EXPENSIVE to get married these days.
-You can tell her to do a blood test even if you don't marry her
-You can have children and the same environment as a family even if you don't marry her
-She can move in even if you don't marry her
-Marriage is more like a long-term relationship these days so it's almost the same. (Btw - what defines a long-term relationship?)
-Her parrents will feel the urge to nag you more if you're married
And others i can't think of right now.
At least that's what I've heard from a lot of married people over my short existance.

I added a few other points to your list to think about.

[misombra]

i'm currently getting all the benefits of being married without being married.

[Raze]

@ Indi

Since when do married people have REGULAR sex?

I thought one person did all the spending.