Boyfriend thinks he should be out living the single life. Help?!

[RainbowFaerie]

Background: Been together for almost 2 years. I'm almost 23, he's just turned 21. Over the past few weeks my boyfriend has been distant/moody/acting like an asshole etc. Other than this we have had the most wonderful relationship.

Problem: Finally had a chat where he confessed he's been 'freaking out', feels this is his 'prime', his 'youth' and he should be out there, basically sleeping around.

Solution?: After his period of moody/arsehole-like behaviour where he had me in tears on more than one occassion and we almost broke up (I was seriously at the end of my tether and let him know how close I came to ending it!) he has decided that he chooses me over this 'single life'. He says he can't believe he came so close to losing me etc and is just going to focus on the here and now etc because he is so happy with me. And I'd be 'the one that got away' if we did break up now.

However, I'm still worried.
What if he starts 'freaking out' another few months down the line? Should I just let him go live the single life so he can get it out of his system? Argh! I am just so confused.

I could understand this a little more if he hadn't slept with many people prior to getting together with me but I'm the 10th notch on his bed post, which I feel is a healthy amount. And it's not like we don't have a good sex life - it's great, in fact! Always has been. My sex drive is slightly higher than his so it's not like he doesn't have it on tap!! Maybe he's just bored of me?

I'm not even sure why I'm posting this. I'm just looking for some advice, some different outlooks on the situation. Has anyone been here?

Thankyou so much if you made it to the end of this ramble haha.

[IndiReloaded]

Stop worrying. Guys tend to stick to decisions like this once they've made them. Unless you completely lose it so he regrets it.

[girl68]

I think the opposite. I believe his single thoughts will get the best of him eventually.

[Gribble]

He should be single and living it up. There's nothing sadder than a young couple clinging to their doomed relationship for years until it's too late to have a little fun.

[IndiReloaded]

I think the opposite. I believe his single thoughts will get the best of him eventually.

Given his age, I agree. But I don't think she needs to worry about him running around on her. She might be the one wanting to break up in a year or two.

[girl68]

He sounds decent enough not to cheat but leaving you to sow (more of) his wild oats is a definate real possibility.

[VincenzoG91]

He sounds decent enough not to cheat but leaving you to sow (more of) his wild oats is a definate real possibility.

I agree. And I have a feeling that his bad attitude is going to poison this relationship. OP should dump him now.

[vashti]

Over the past few weeks my boyfriend has been distant/moody/acting like an asshole etc. Other than this we have had the most wonderful relationship.

ahahahaha!

[nerdy_guy]

Problem: Finally had a chat where he confessed he's been 'freaking out', feels this is his 'prime', his 'youth' and he should be out there, basically sleeping around.

So you're not worth the prime of his life then? Oh well, you'll still have him, whatever is left of his life anyway.

[sookie6]

However, I'm still worried.
What if he starts 'freaking out' another few months down the line? Should I just let him go live the single life so he can get it out of his system? Argh! I am just so confused.

sadly and objectively this is exactly what you should do. 21 means he was 18 when you two got together which is far too young to settle for life.

Beyond sex your bfriend is also craving for some freedom and independence. The idea of not having to think or to care for someone else than himself can be liberating when someone wants to experience different things or different crowds...

You might find that you're the same...

[lahnnabell]

I'm 25 and my boyfriend turned 22 earlier this year. He's leaving for NY (we live separately in San Diego) and we've decided that breaking up when he leaves next month is the best option. I know that part of this is due to his immaturity as a human being. He's simply just young, and younger than I am, and he's not ready to settle down. Hell, I'm not ready to settle down either. Staying together at this point, with all these big changes, would basically mean that we'd be getting engaged (almost) and I'm simply not ready to seal the deal with anyone.

You're only 23. Are you really ready to spend the entirety of your life with one person?

[RainbowFaerie]

Thanks for all the replies.

I've decided I'm gonna have one more big (and sober!) talk with him about all this and if he decides he really does want the single life then I'll have to let him go.
If he insists he still wants me, I'll stick with it for the time being and try not to worry too much about what might happen in the future because when we are together we really do have so much fun.

He's my best friend as well as my boyfriend so either way, he'll still be a part of my life.

[xxazurexx]

Sorry, but he's only 21. I feel that people of that young age should be out enjoying themselves and living it up while they still have their youth, rather than be stuck in serious relationships.
People have years ahead of them in which to get involved deeply and committ to someone....why waste your youth living in someone elses pocket.

The timing sometimes can be all wrong. Say you met him when he was 27 and you were 29, then it could have gone on to last a lifetime. But the guy is young, so are you - you should both be out living it up I think.

[RainbowFaerie]

I had another talk with him last night.

We both had our chance to talk and I gave him the chance to walk away, on good terms etc. But, he's adamant he wants to stay with me. I'm happy .
Contrary to what some have observed on here, I don't think we are 'wasting' our youth - I think we are making it richer. Neither of us are at all possessive/controlling/must be together 24/7 type partners. So anything either of us could do single, we can still do while in a relationship. Except obviously sleep with other people haha.

So yeah, we're just gonna not worry so much about the future and keep enjoying the here and now.

Thanks again for everyone's input.