cheating, and break up lead to messy problems

[venus]

i was dating a mr. x 4 eight yrs. A yr and a half ago, i found out a co-work likes me. i hesitated to b with him, but i found my bf at that time not giving me the attention i want. so i went out with my coworker. i realized i was attracted to him. he gave me all the attention and more. He's basically like mr. x, in the beginning but better. The situation is that i didn't break up w/ mr. x. I cheated on him because i wasn't sure if my co worker would be the 1. As time went by, i hid it from mr. x. i felt guilty, so i said to mr. x that we should explore other people. That way i don't feel guilty. Anyhow, he found out by going thru my wallet n purse, that im w/ someone for a yr. we had arguments here and there. we were still a couple. 2 months ago, he told me he will tell me if he is seeing someone. a month ago, i found out he was seeing someone. I felt less guilty but at the same time i wanted him back. He tells me he loves me and cares about me. I told him i still love him, but he can't get over the fact that i cheated on him. I don't know if its a rebound for him. I told him i didn't want him 2 bring her over to his place, and we agreed to work things out between us while we we're seeing other people.we discussed about it but he still brought her over. I got furious. We argued, and i told him that he made the "knot" bigger. Of course he reminds me i cheated. I know i did, but he didn't give me that attention. I know thats not an excuse, but whats done is done. I still have feeling for him, but i love my current boyfriend 2. What can i do to resolve this. I miss him, n he says the same but is it true? he's hurt, but its hurts me 2 have her go over his place. i feel like i want him back, but i also love my current boyfriend. y can't i let go? how do it get this striaghten out? Its mr. x "i love u" n " always think about u " words that keeps me believing he still loves me. Does he? even though he's with her? Is is possible for him to love me,while he's with someone else? Is there a chance we might get back? its sooo complicated. does he want me back? please help me. He still wants me 2 go over n b intimate, yet he also wants his gf to be able to go over n b intimate. he said im a part of his life and afraid of me walking away. How does that work? r his words true or he's confused 2.

messed up.
help me

[Jenrick285]

Well, if I'm reading this right..
You cheated on your boyfriend, because you weren't getting your emotional needs fulfilled by him, but you didn't break up with him because you still loved him.
You didn't confess to him, until you got caught.
That's quite a few strikes.
He probably still loves you, but doesn't know if he wants to be with you. Why? Easy.. How can you be with someone you can't trust? Remember that actions speak louder than words and up to now, your credibility is close to nill. I'm not trying to judge you or your actions, but I'm just going by what you wrote.

What is it that you want out of the relationship between you and him? Just friends? More than that? Aren't you still with that other guy from work? If you're asking for something close, you're asking for quite a lot especially if this was recent.

I guess the best way to try and read him is to put yourself in those shoes and what you would do in the same position.

I hope this helps.

[Clifton]

i wouldnt take you back. i know that much..you know, i dont understand some people, why didnt you just talk to 'mr.x' and try and work it out, before ****ing someone else? ruined a relationship simply because your unconfrentational, seems pretty childish

[Fawn]

I really think that you should cut all ties with "mr.x"
What's done is done. You said it yourself. You cheated and now you've both gone seperate ways. He doesn't trust you any more. Its as simple as that. He even has someone now. Just ignore all his stupid sweet talk, he's just trying to hold on. Let him go and go on with your life.

[Jenrick285]

I'll post this to Venus's defense...
We're all human, and we all make mistakes... At the time perhaps she did try and work things out, but got the I'll change, and then a week later it's back to the same routine.
We all have needs in a relationship, whether it be emotional or physical...
I'm not saying what she did was right, cheating is never right, but I can symphasize with her.
and I would recommend what Fawn suggested

[venus]

jenrick285 i agreed with you. I know what is done is done. I have no clue what he wants and I guess the same for me...only because he calls me here and there to tell me sweet words. But why is he doing that. He wants to let me go...he said be best friends....and go over his house 2. but what does that mean? Yet he tells me he misses me and loves me. I spoke to him yesterday night, and told him " what do you want between us?" and "what do you want between you and her"? and "what do you hope to accomplish having both of us" I thought the longer he keeps doing this, the harder 2 break the tie....between him and me or between him and her....so i said. YOu need to know what ur doing and what you what...he said he'll need time to think about it...of course that mean he'll stall just to hold it longer....I know.....its harder as time goes by. He still wants me to go over his house this Sunday...im not sure if i should because i said i don't want to go over there if he's bringing the other girl over at other times. I even suggested that i don't go there and have her go there instead...but he's like but i want u to still come over. i said if she goes i'm not..But he wants to have his cake and it eat to. He is doing worst then me? i even help him decide to be with her..but he said he loves me and his feelings for me are different only because i've been together this long. What is he doing to me...He's messing with my head. what now? should i go over or what? Im cofused. Just when i accepted the fact i cheated n theres no hope...he text to remind me he loves me and misses me....
i guess im cofused only because he's confusing me..WHy won't he give a straight answer...

[ltj5253]

well me being a REAL man i would say simply fuk you. and that would be that. the second i found out that you were workin someone else that would be it.

i dont mean to be harsh, but thats how i feel.

[Jenrick285]

Perhaps he's playing you like he felt you were playing him?
What done is done, I think the right thing is just to stay out of contact...
Don't the both of you have someone else? Besides... I don't think its fair for the other two (or girl), Ja?
Sometimes people mistaken being comfortable (routine) with a person as love, perhaps that's the case here? Whichever the case, I think you two just need to be apart, let the emotions settle down so you can have a better idea of whats going on, or what is it both you two want.

Just my two pence

[ianv3]

Once you cheat, all bets are off. Please leave him alone, you have already done enough.

[blue]

ok ok i have heard you ask time and time again what is he doing and why is he palying mind games and he still wants to be intinate while at the same time being intimate with the other girl, well like said before he no longer trust you, he wont ever trust you again and if this guy really loved you, he has been tremendously hurt by you, and yes it may be hard to let go, but what you need to do is let him go..leave his life, dont have sex with him anymore and dont text or speak to him. If this continuous this way its going to go nowhere and for what. Do you really want to continue in this unhealthy circle? And just to let you know of course hes going to sleep with you why wouldnt he? i think that u have done enough and u should walk away. Take the mistake you made and learn from this.

[venus]

wow tough crowd...hahaha. Thanks for the opinion..i know its easy said then do...in the beginning of Dec. i pretty much left him alone to do whatever he choses..i never called of text...like i said i alreday accepted the fact what is done is done..just when i did..he texts to remind me of how much he misses me...So whose doing what now? i mean i tried to accept what we're both doing...but he just spent and email to me stating that he wants to be together...when we're finish what we're doing...(i guess he meant us dating other people)..Does that make sense? its these words that make me feel so guilty about all that. I mean its not like he's single..he cares about this new girl...im not saying that he can't be happy with someone else...its just that he's still want "us" to be there....basically he asked me to wait for him? huh?

[Jenrick285]

Eh? I still believe you should move on... it's kinda early to be trying to patch things up. Besides, both of you have other people.