How do I help her to get the feeling back???

[andy mcandy]

Hi peeps, this is my first post and I'm hoping that some of you might be able to help

I broke up with my girlfriend a week before we went away on holiday for 2 weeks (she said that she didn't feel the same way due to a few things i've said that hurt her and over time it seems the feelings gone)

For the most part spent the holiday miserable and staring into space thinking about our relationship. We did have a few good times but as it was a holiday i had a few drinks and did and said some things that i really shouldn't have (like being really mean and aggressive to someone that came to talk to my ex - this never used to bother me before cos i knew she was mine and wouldn't do anything but then i didn't know) and also had a couple of moments of weakness and asked blamed her for not trying harder to get back together and that it hurt me not being together.

We came back off holiday on quite good terms and she drove me back to my place and we had a hug for a while before she went. I txed her the next day and we were having a bit of a joke about stuff, but i sent a message and she didn't send one back so just left it there and have not sent any since. This was 8 days ago.

I don't really know where to go from here. I've been told that I should give both her and myself some space. Is that a good idea? iIf so how much? She also said that she would like to be friends after all this, but I told her no as i would always want more. To make it even more difficult it was supposed to our 2 year anniversary tomorrow so am not sure of the timing either.

I really really want this to work so don't want to do anything to push her away, but i really don't know what to do now?

Any Ideas?

[kitkitkitty]

you could send her a txt asking if she's ok...ask if she wants to meet up tomo?

[cmacattack1]

^^^^Do not listen to this advice. It's bad. No offense.

If she says she doesn't feel that way anymore, there isn't much you can do. The reason why giving her space is the only thing you can do because it gives her a chance to experience life without you. If she misses it, you may have a shot at reconciliation. There isn't anything else you can do, if she doesn't feel it, she doesn't feel it. You can't force that feeling back, you can't win her back, you can't change what has already happened. You said you were a dick over holiday, what about the relationship before that? Have you made many mistakes? You should really think about that, because you can't afford to do the same things over and over again. You will never have a successful relationship if you keep commiting the same mistakes you did before.

There is no time limit you can wait out before you approach her again. It's really only up to her. The balls in her court and she is the only one that can make the moves unfortunately. It's a powerless feeling, it sucks. You had her and now you don't. What you should be focusing more on is improving yourself instead of winning her back. Because you have some improvement to do. And when you are not concentrating on trying to win her back, you will actually have some lasting results. So whether the next person is somebody else or her down the road, you will be better prepared to be a better boyfriend. The one you weren't when you were dating her.

[nerdy_guy]

You can't force her to get the feeling back. If she wants your assistance on this, she'd let you know. The more you try to pull her in, the farther she'll be if she's not ready. If you can't wait, drop her a message, then move on.

[andy mcandy]

Thanks for the replies guys. Not really what i was hoping for but pretty much what I expected. Tbh I thought I did everything I could to make her happy in the relationship but towards the end it seemed that neither of us were trying that hard and were just going through the motions a bit. I did and said some things that upset her (mainly about money) that I wasn't aware of and she said that it was just an accumulation of things that stopped her feeling that way.

I haven't done anything apart from give her space since we came back from holiday, but it seems a bit weird the way it's been left. I've been toying with the idea of sending a letter and see what happens but don't want to push her further away.

[nerdy_guy]

There's a risky way to do things your way. I'm not sure if you're up for it though. I suggest you talk to her in person, when I say talk, you listen more, and talk less. Whatever she has to say, leave it as it is, don't influence her decisions in anyway. After each of you has said your piece, just walk away.

[kitkitkitty]

i meant to ask her to meet up so you can sort things out, NOT romantically at all. and i agree, walk away after. i think that if you don't talk you'll never get closure and it'll be even harder to move on if you still have unanswered questions.

[andy mcandy]

Would it be worth it tho? At the moment I'm just giving he some space and hopefully she'll start to get that feeling back again. I know that she misses me and she still really cares about me and I think that there may be a chance that she might start feeling it again as there were a few occasions where I thought we might hook up again. If I go round and try and sort it out it might end up in an argument which would obviously not be ideal. I do want to put my side across but i don't think it's the right time to do so yet, i want to try and get her thinking of me in a good way again first then kind of let her know why i did some of the stuff i did (it wasn't really anything bad, but over time seemed to get to her)

I've also heard that once someone breaks up with someone that they start thinking of all the good times and not so much of the bad. Is that true or just someone clutching at straws?

[ispoky]

Thanks aloooooooooooooooooooooooooooot

[andy mcandy]

Thanks aloooooooooooooooooooooooooooot

That's very helpful, thank you for your contribution

Quick update - I sent a text to my ex as it was our anniversary, saying Hi and hoped she was ok, but as of yet no reply. Is that usual?

The text in full

Hey, Just texting to say hi and hope that you are ok. Speak to you soon.

Is that likely to get a response or would it just be dismissed for whatever reason?

[kitkitkitty]

well you didn't ask an actual question so she's less likely to reply i think.

[andy mcandy]

That's what I thought. I wasn't really sure whether to send anything as I wasn't sure whether she would like it or not, but wanted to show I still care about it so wanted to send something that she was under no pressure to answer (but really wishing that she would)

So I think that answers that, I can stop giving myself a complex about that now!

[andy mcandy]

Another update for ya - Got a text from my ex saying that she hopes that I'm ok and that she will sort out all my stuff soon (I have a lot of stuff round hers) I was wondering: Is this a good sign? I'm kinda torn. I think good sign as she is still thinking about me but also that its a bad sign as she wants to move my stuff out. ie getting rid of me

Anybody got any ideas?

[nerdy_guy]

I think she's sorting out your stuff that got mixed in with hers, cause she wants to get rid of 'em

[SAULE]

Hm, well, from your updates, I think she really is planning to move on without you. Not to sound rude, but when she starts sorting your stuff from hers, it usually means she's giving them back to you because she definitely doesn't want them around her place. If she really just wants to be friends, I don't think you should be pushy about wanting more than that. You can't really "help" her get the feeling back. I'm sure you don't want her to get back together with you because you put a lot of pressure on her.