BF hates that I have old ex pics

[allie55]

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, and just like any guy, he gets his jealous moments. He has a habit of always comparing my "wrongdoings" with everyone that he always does right. The most recent-he was using my laptop and found old pictures from my earlier college days, some including my ex. He was so upset and barely talked to me the rest of the night bc I didn't want to delete the old pictures. He said they must still mean something to me if I was willing to hold onto them even when it upsets him...

In my defense, I honestly completely forgot I had them. The pictures themselves are totally innocent, not even any kissing. I have literally thousands of pictures and I never delete anything. He said he himself has an "ex box" filled with old notes from her and pictures, but they aren't on his computer anymore and he would throw it all away in a heartbeat bc they don't mean anything.

Is it wrong that I keep old pictures? My ex and I dated 3 years ago and he was my first bf, and remains a close friend. But I don't have any feelings anymore and I haven't for a long time. I like having those pictures, I don't look at them, but I don't want to see them get destroyed either.

Am I bad girlfriend for keeping them? HELP!

[Kori Jung]

i dun think so....coz u were in the pictures as well...why deleting them?
tell him that, if ur ex doesn't mean anything to u now, deleting or not deleting the pictures make no differences...but he does mean sth to you, deleting won't change the fact.
it's what in ur mind that matters...he has to understand it

[nerdy_guy]

This two:

He was so upset and barely talked to me the rest of the night bc I didn't want to delete the old pictures.

The pictures themselves are totally innocent, not even any kissing. I have literally thousands of pictures and I never delete anything.

Does not add up to this:

In my defense, I honestly completely forgot I had them.

Incoherence = lies

As for what he said to you:

He said he himself has an "ex box" filled with old notes from her and pictures, but they aren't on his computer anymore and he would throw it all away in a heartbeat bc they don't mean anything.

Apparently those pictures of his ex do mean something, but they're not exactly that precious either if it meant that it would make him lose an argument as to why he's still keeping them. (Probably kept them for masturbating purposes)

[allie55]

I never lied to him, you're misunderstanding me. He found pictures that I myself hadn't seen in a long time, and when he confronted me, I didn't want to delete them. I don't see the point. Those are his insecurities, not mine. I'm perfectly comfortable with him having old pictures put away in his garage-I know he doesn't look at them. (Or masturbate to them, his ex is disgusting) He lived with her for 3 years, there's a relationship there that I can't ever understand, and I won't try to bc it's in the past. I wouldn't make him throw the box out unless he put a ring in my finger. We're young and dating, and i'll admit it, my old pictures with my ex are sentimental to me, clearly. But holding onto old pictures does not in any way change my feelings for my current boyfriend.

[nerdy_guy]

would you throw your sentimental pictures out if he puts a ring on your finger then?

Whatever happened in the past with his ex, depends upon how you want them to affect you. And since you don't want to be affected then that is your choice.

Throwing out memories is really up to you guys. things like these should be mutual. And the depth of your relationship matters as well. Just like what you said, you'll tell him to throw his pics out if you get married. That in itself means that the level of respecting each other's wishes is based on how far you've gone into the relationship.

[vashti]

Don't delete the pictures. They are a part of your life history, and he is being an idiot. If he wants to throw his history away, let him.... you are not obligated to do the same.

For the record, I still have pics of my first boyfriend. My kids think they are funny. Actually, they ARE.

[Mish]

I think it's okay to keep the old pictures. Your bf is a sludge of slimy insecurities. I mean, how insecure do you have to be to see some forgotten photo on a hard disk as competition?

[nerdy_guy]

I think it's okay to keep the old pictures. Your bf is a sludge of slimy insecurities. I mean, how insecure do you have to be to see some forgotten photo on a hard disk as competition?

Don't delete the pictures. They are a part of your life history, and he is being an idiot. If he wants to throw his history away, let him.... you are not obligated to do the same.

For the record, I still have pics of my first boyfriend. My kids think they are funny. Actually, they ARE.

I wouldn't make him throw the box out unless he put a ring in my finger.

He's too scared that he can't measure up to an old boyfriend, and she's really not into life history either.

[allie55]

Exactly, thank you so much! He got so hurt and just shut down,-literally clammed up, could barely look at me, it took quite a couple hours before he was cooled down and over it.

Any advice on anything I can do to get him past these insecurities?
His argument is that I should love him enough to do these things for him, especially knowing how sensitive he is about it. I don't know what else to do to get him past this, it makes me feel like I'm dating a whiny child sometimes!

[vashti]

I wouldn't make him throw the box out unless he put a ring in my finger. .

Don't ask him to do it then either. It's silly.

Tell him you expect him to act like a big boy. Maybe he will live up to your expectations.

[nerdy_guy]

Ask him why does a 16th century picture of your old boyfriend bothers him.

[allie55]

@nerdy_guy: All he has said before is that he doesn't want to be reminded of my past with another guy. And okay, in an ideal world none of us would ever have to deal with ex problems, but reality check, this is life!
Also would like to add, that he wants me to delete old Facebook wall posts (from three years ago) between myself and said ex. REALLY? Yes he went and read our "wall-to-wall" from that far back...I don't understand that. It shouldn't be an issue. period.
Yet in his mind, I'm being the bitch?

[nerdy_guy]

Tell him that maybe he should read those facebook posts and learn how he started out as a boyfriend and turned to an ex later so that he won't make the same mistake.

Or, since he's such a sad little man with nothing more worthwhile to do but read 3 years worth of old posts, this should be a conversation between the both of you.

You: Are the old, insignificant posts that's part of my life history bothering you?
Him: Yes, because I'm such a little woman
You: Then stop reading and get a life.

[kitkitkitty]

firstly.... why the hell is he looking back 3 years on facebook? that takes some serious time. secondly it's your computer, your memories you can do what you want with them, especially if you're still close mates with the guy. i'm sure they're happy memories just not in the way that your insecure bf thinks. tell him to scrap the stupid requests, it's amazingly unattractive.

[Gigabitch]

First of all, make a backup file of those pictures and put them on an external hard drive or something. Your boyfriend sounds childish and petty enough to delete them.

Yes, he's being an ass, but there's no reason to have those pics so readily available for him to look at. If you let him use your computer, it becomes "shared space", and therefore no longer private. Either keep him off of your computer or be more discreet about keeping pics of old boyfriends. There's nothing wrong with having them, but they shouldn't be something your new boyfriend sees.