Yeah, my girl sorta left me

[a dude]

Hey there!

I'm a 21-year-old guy who's had a great time with his girl. Well, now the fact she left me prompted my to register and post here.

Anyway, i will give you only some little details about her: she's 19, have unique qualities (like her brownish-greenish eyes) and that's about it of her for now.

So now i'm in need of getting her back. And not because to prove myself i can get her back but because I love her. I really wanna spend the rest of my life with her. I wanna have kids with her. That's my biggest wish, and yes, the time spent with her was best ever. She gave me so much energy and positive thinking.

Now to the topic: She left me about a week ago by phone. I was in other country. *I* called her one day and had an anxious and nervous conversation with her and was stupid enough to ask MYSELF if she's about to leave me? And she said yes. She said it's best to go that way. That drove me crazy. The next night i drove to my country (the same country she's at) with a bottle of wine and chocolate. It was an 8 hour drive. She didn't know i was coming (though she later said she understood as my phone was switched off the operator said the message in a local language, meaning the phone is in the same country. Or does it?). When i met her she was angry of course that i wasted so much money for this pointless trip. The time was something like 3.30 A.M when i arrived also. I just hoped to convince her. But we got into a arguing fight. I wasn't confident enough, i was so so tired about the trip. And i lost control of myself so to say. I started to blame her for useless things. And i left an hour later, got some sleep, and all the way back to the other country. This visit was pointless, i didn't accomplish nothing. Then i started to call her often, begged her to forgive me. Asked for one last chance (done it before with her as well). She said she needs "some time to think". I know what that means. Then i asked her to call me any time she wants. She did call me couple of times, just to let me know what she's doing. Her last call was quite sarcastic. She said to me all the things she's been doing, like going out with her buddies (all of them male) and things like that. Maybe it was her tactic to make me forget her. Well, too bad, it didn't work. And now here i am, i haven't called her 2 days as well as she hasn't called me.

I know why she felt a break-up with me. It's because lately we started to have little fights (verbally of course) over pointless things. Absolutely meaningless little things. But we had them a lot. She even said that every time she's near me she gets nervous. It's because she's afraid of these fights. And all of that drove her crazy and sad i think. And i take the responsibility fully. I didn't try to lead aside these fights with something funny or sweet. I followed her. And why i have a hope of getting her back is because i know she at least loved me. We had a wonderful tmie together before these fights. We had a great sex life (even in the fight period), and we were very caring to each other. Though i'm a skinny guy she said i have the sexiest body and a soft skin (which i do). I know my appearance was a 100% match to her. I'm a nice looking guy, most of the girls agree in this part. Always kissing and hugging each other. But these damn fights. And fights over things that's completely meaningless (example: getting into fight over fruits' appearance?). Also, she's quite active, she likes to go out often. Pubs, clubs, etc. I wasn't so active, didn't take her much out. Part of it was because we lived in her parents home for some time out of town 10-15 miles. And i said we don't have any place to stay for night. Something silly like that. Also, she used to tell me why she's gotta be the one in the house who thinks of some plans, that i wasn't crew member at all. And i understand that, i don't argue with it. It's in my nature, i think. I'm quite a quiet type. But when i party, i party hard. We used to go to parties a lot when we lived in boarding school. We went with our friends and thit like that - it was a GREAT period in our time. After we finished the school (we both shared the same school and finished the same year) i visited her often and lived in her house for like 3 weeks now in this summer. The difficult thing is my parents live in other country, that's why after the school we got to see each other not that often. And usually being away from each other ain't a good thing.

Anyway, i want to change all that! I wanna be a great boyfriend to her again. I'm about to respect her to maximum extent. I really love and care about her. And i absolutely see these mistakes on my side she said. I was a lazy time-to-time. Lazy to improve our relationship quality. I was a complete ****face. And now that i'm left alone, it's not great. I cried a lot the first couple of days. I wanna make it up to her. And i know she still somewhat loves me but is insecure about how our relationship would go on. Maybe she'd be having the same boring life and all the fights. I totally understand her. And i'm ****ing ready to change it, you better believe it.

PS. She left me for a short time 4 months ago, too. It was because of one HUGE lie i had. This lie came along our relationship the whole time and told it too late. Then she escaped the town to her friend's home. I made a surprise visit to her the next night with flowers and candy and begged for forgiveness. She was shocked and forgave me. She didn't believe i would do something like that. And now THIS time i made a "surprise" visit from other country - it wasn't a good tactical move. it was a cliche. I know. But i was just desperate, i didn't think about this surprise factor of it.

Now i've been reading some material about how to get your ex back. They all stress to get confident, get social, change yourself to something else visually, and things like that. And the last couple of days i've been doing just that. I haven't called her, my feelings have got stronger. Next week i'm going to a trip with couple of friends. Also i just got a job, and bet this will take my mind away from her. BUT! I do want her back. And i want strategically RIGHT moves. She's the love of my life, and i want to prove it to her. I wanna be her ideal future husband. In your opinion, dear members, how should i proceed? Should i wait for a month or two, and then call her for a quick lunch just to chitchat? Should i start dating, and i mean just dating (nothing serious) other girls? How can i change myself to a extent that she'd want me back? I know she loves me, but she's scared about our relationship.




Thank you for reading through my mess and giving suggestions,
A dude

PS. That big lie i was referring before that i carried with me wasn't about cheating. I would never-ever cheat her as i know she wouldn't. I see cheating as something very very ugly and gross.

[kitkitkitty]

if you say you love her as much as you do, let her go. you appear to be amazingly desperate and that's NOT a way of getting exes back. leave her alone she knows she can call you if she needs to. she's not talking because she needs her space for whatever reason and you need to respect that. just because you want to be with her doesn't mean she wants to try again for the 2nd time.

[a dude]

Yes, exactly, i fully understand that. And as i previously mentioned reading through some professional material (ebooks and alike) they all state to respect the other part and give time. And i'm absolutely willing to not contact her for a month or two. I'm just looking for any tips, general tips.
The one material i'm reading states that 95% break-ups can be undone if mastered correct.

[lovefool87]

I think it is interesting how this is all a game to you, with manuals and books and statistics, when it is really about emotions.

[a dude]

I think it is interesting how this is all a game to you, with manuals and books and statistics, when it is really about emotions.

It may seem so. And yes, i am reading through material. Because i am desperate to get her back. There's no absolute right steps to follow as we are organic after all. But there are some general directions that you should follow if you're really interested in getting her back.
That 95% i wrote just gives me more hope. I may get behind numbers, but it's at least something.

Also, i just remembered: i ordered a gift to her house before we started this relationship discussion and it should end up in her door by Thursday. Now i would like to know how would this move affect the situation? Most likely she will call me for it. I don't know, i can't block the package, too. She already knows i'm sending it as it was supposed to be our inside joke.

[lovefool87]

Why not just find someone else and vow to not treat them like dirt? Even if you get back together with your ex (which I never recommend anyone do EVER) she will still harbor ill feelings towards you and what you did to her in the past, so the relationship will never fully recover. Have fun being miserable!

[a dude]

Wow, you're quite harsh. I take that you didn't get your ex back though you tried?

She will harbor ill feelings towards me if i let it. It's up to me to change this. To change the way i treat her. And why are you overreacting? I didn't treat her as dirt, i just didn't offer enough excitement in her life. And i understand, she's 19 after all. I offered MY LOVE and feelings to her 1001%, and she knows it very very well. But that's not enough, other aspects in your relationship should also be perfect. We had these moments long time ago. But i started to get boring to her, because i started to get idle after the school. And it's my fault. I was being ego, i should've respected her more. But treating her like dirt? That's a very harsh thing to say.

[kitkitkitty]

even though you're not together atm you're smothering her with everything that she doesn't want. material things obviously don't mean anything to her. she needs love and emotions in a way that you apparently couldn't give her. the closer you try to get to her, the further away you're pushing her. the present you sent her is gona, IMO look stalkerish and desperate.

[a dude]

Please read again. I ordered the present the time we were together and we didn't have any break-up conversations. It rang a bell just now. She knew she's gonna have it a week ago already (we were, or at least i was happy with her back then).

[kitkitkitty]

ok my bad, sorry. but honestly.... i think that she's given you enough chances to change and now she's sick of it. she needs time to clear her head, she'll respect you more for leaving her to her own devices.

[lovefool87]

Nah I don't chase my exes. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and repeating past mistakes stalls any future emotional development.

[a dude]

Yeah, i believe in change. I really do. And i especially believe in it if most of it is caused by me, the mistakes that is.