I made him feel rejected because I said no.

[enriqueshuera]

My fiance woke up this morning and 6:30 and made a move to have sex. We have morning sex almost every morning. We are a very sexually active couple in general. But, this morning, I made the mistake of saying "It's too early.I'm tired." I meant that I wanted to sleep like another 30 minutes, then wake up for sex. I was half-asleep at 6:30 this morning. Anyway, he got a little upset because we didn't have sex; so he got out of bed and went to the living room to watch the news. I came out to the living room and sat next to him in silence until he went to take a shower. Then, he went to work and I called him while he was driving. He told me he was frustrated because I made him feel rejected this morning. Then, he made the comment that "A lot of women start using the excuse of being tired because they don't want to have sex as often after they have been in a relationship for awhile." And, he said he won't keep initiating sex in the morning because he doesn't want me to keep turning him down.

I feel horrible. I don't want him to feel rejected and I definitely don't want him thinking that I am using an excuse because I don't want to have sex.

What should I do?

[the_robot]

You didn't want it at the moment, you did nothing wrong. He should be able to handle a "no" once in a while...

[enriqueshuera]

You didn't want it at the moment, you did nothing wrong. He should be able to handle a "no" once in a while...

I don't think it bothers him so much that I said no, but just because he has himself convinced that it was an excuse. It legitimately wasn't an excuse, though. It was freakin 6:30. I think he is taking it a little to personally. But, I don't want him feeling rejected.

[the_robot]

I don't think it bothers him so much that I said no, but just because he has himself convinced that it was an excuse. It legitimately wasn't an excuse, though. It was freakin 6:30. I think he is taking it a little to personally. But, I don't want him feeling rejected.

How about you explain that to him, and then do what you didn't want to do so early when you feel up to it?

[VincenzoG91]

Sex almost every morning? And you turn him down today and he gets upset? He is taking you for granted, and doesn't seem to care about you as a person. The only reason you should feel horrible is that you have just discovered that your boyfriend is a jerk.

[enriqueshuera]

How about you explain that to him, and then do what you didn't want to do so early when you feel up to it?

Yeah, I tried explaining it to him. But, he is stubborn. When his mind is thinking a certain way, it's hard to convince him otherwise. I plan to initiate sex tonight when he gets home tonight and again tomorrow morning. Hopefully, my actions will speak louder than words and I can show him that i wasn't making excuses this morning.

[qwertz]

He's being over sensitive.

[enriqueshuera]

Sex almost every morning? And you turn him down today and he gets upset? He is taking you for granted, and doesn't seem to care about you as a person. The only reason you should feel horrible is that you have just discovered that your boyfriend is a jerk.

No, he isn't a jerk. I think one of the things he is afraid of is our relationship falling into a rut. We are in the stage where we are just starting our life together. I just moved in with him and we have plans to get married. A lot of women use the excuse of being tired when they have been with their partner for a long time and don't want sex. I think that he's afraid of our relationship starting bad patterns and the sex dwindling away. No one wants a sexless marriage or a marriage where you frequently get turned down for sex. This only happened once, but I think he took it too seriously and thought it was a bad sign.

[enriqueshuera]

He's being over sensitive.

Thank you. I DEFINITELY agree. I mean, i never wanted to make him feel rejected. But, I pretty much never say no to sex with him; so he shouldn't be so upset because it happened once.

[the_robot]

He's being over sensitive.

I don't think you should be in a thread like this unless you fixed your "situation"

[VincenzoG91]

No, he isn't a jerk. I think one of the things he is afraid of is our relationship falling into a rut. We are in the stage where we are just starting our life together. I just moved in with him and we have plans to get married. A lot of women use the excuse of being tired when they have been with their partner for a long time and don't want sex. I think that he's afraid of our relationship starting bad patterns and the sex dwindling away. No one wants a sexless marriage or a marriage where you frequently get turned down for sex. This only happened once, but I think he took it too seriously and thought it was a bad sign.

You're going to fall into a rut quickly if you have sex every day at the same time. The average American couple has sex twice a week. Every day is a lot, and if he now expects or even demands sex every day, you are being taken for granted. A serious relationship is about more than sex, and if somebody is genuinely not in the mood or physically tired, the other person should respect that. He doesn't respect you, and you feel bad now because you don't respect yourself either.

[Gigabitch]

In a healthy sexual relationship, it should never be assumed that the other person is ALWAYS into it, which is what he was doing. This is his problem, not yours. of course, he's making it a problem for both of you, so you have to deal with it. I'm sure he has to emotionally maintain you as well, so it shouldn't be too hard for you to do it for him sometimes.

I suggest never using the word NO again, because he takes it pretty hard. Tell him, "Later" or "Give me half an hour". Nobody likes to be told no.

It bugs me that you should be in the position of The Sorry One when you didn't really do anything so wrong. He's making predictions about falling into a sexual rut based on one incident? Not exactly fair. What about his tiresome sulking? What about his lack of faith in your sexual chemistry? i would be as upset about that as he was about being turned down.

[qwertz]

I don't think you should be in a thread like this unless you fixed your "situation"

But im not being oversensitive, im not making my bf feel like he is wrong for not wanting sex, my thread is a whinge more than anything, i dont think because my bf hasnt wanted sex recently he doesnt find me attractive or want me etc etc etc, so i think I am in a better position to comment seeing as i am sort of in his position, more so than someone with no sexual experience anyway.

[girl68]

OK are you seriously implying you turned down sex ONCE and he blows up like this? I can certainly understand if you've turned him down a few times but ONCE? That's absurd.

Might want to give him a little dose of reality... turned down for sex ONCE is not an indication of a relationship turning into a rut, ONCE is a exceptional circumstance and he shouldn't be crying his eyes out. Seriously wake this boy up from his little fantasy world.

[enriqueshuera]

You're going to fall into a rut quickly if you have sex every day at the same time. The average American couple has sex twice a week. Every day is a lot, and if he now expects or even demands sex every day, you are being taken for granted. A serious relationship is about more than sex, and if somebody is genuinely not in the mood or physically tired, the other person should respect that. He doesn't respect you, and you feel bad now because you don't respect yourself either.

I agree that he should respect it when I'm tired. But, I guess he just felt very rejected. Yes, we have sex a lot. Sometimes, we will do it right when he gets off work, then again before going to sleep, then again in the morning. We've been together for almost 2 years, but it still feels hot and heavy like in the beginning of our relationship. Don't get me wrong....it's not a bad thing. But, honestly, I'd like to take it down a notch. If we are having just slightly less sex, then I think he would be a little more appreciative because it wouldn't be expected every morning.