Hi Girls, can you give me your thoughts on my ex.

[jko123]

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Hi this is my first time looking for advice online but maybe someone can shine some light on my situation?

So I met this girl about a year ago she is in her early 20's and I am in my mid 20's and she instantly caught my eye...something super real about her I feel for. I ended up introducing my self and casually asking her out however she had a boyfriend at the time so I kept away out of respect. During the following college year i saw her first semister talking casually and thats about it. During the end of this semester i noticed she was not longer in a relationship, and i started to move in. We ended up going out at a month or so later and everything went well but got much better with the following weeks. We were both really into each other and had a instant connection both intellectually and physically. During the next few months she told me she was not looking for anything serious because she of her last relationship.I agreed to keep things slow for a while not putting any titles on us and we where really enjoying each other till I said I want more. She seemed a little distant at times so i told her we should take a break till she knows what she wants. At this point I relized i was the rebound guy and she revieled that she was still in love with her ex and needed time to think...and i said she should and i will be here for now and told her how amazing she was and that she was worth waiting for. About 2 weeks later she said she missed me and wanted to start hanging out...we took it slow and things went fairly well for a while...then her ex keep contacting her and they ended up getting back together about a month after wards....About another month passes and i was tring to move on with these suppresed feelings because i did not contact her out of respect for her, however i noticed she became single again and i thought i would like to see her again. We ended meeting up and had a good night as friends...but now i tried to contact her a few times in the past 3 days and she has not replied.

I know i might be crazy however i am crazy about this girl from the way she smiles to her values to the music she listens to ...what should i do? Thanks.

[donkeyy0]

Three days isn't that long.

What are you hoping for though? Is this question "what should I do to get my ex back"? Or is it "what do you think I should do in general"? Because I can almost guarantee you that most of the people reading your story will say something like "You were just the rebound guy. You should move on." BUT if you want her back...then you have to keep her as a friend. Basically just hope she develops feelings for you. Don't be that weird creepy guy in the corner who's always there and just going "I love you I love you I love you", but just like...genuinely be there for her. You can't completely cover up your feelings, she will most definitely notice them, and then...she's gonna either come to you or not.

Give her her space if she needs it, and be there for her if she needs that. All you can do is be yourself and cross your fingers. If she doesn't want to talk to you...I'm sorry...but that's that.

[xxazurexx]

She is still in love with her ex and while she remains hung up on him, there is no chance for you.

[jko123]

I definitly want to get her back. I know she had really strong feelings for me but she had a crush on this guy for 10 years and they have history and she wanted to see if they could give it another shot, by the way she made this decision when she was away at school for 5 weeks with him, something they both applied for when they were dating.....i know now she is over it but i think she is definitly scared...i think she is having a hard time trusting guys right now. She seemed really excited to see me but I think she got a little scared with the way she felt? I have not been contacting her at all except for the one time when we went out last week. I am here for her and i think she knows that but she just needs space to be good with herself, before she canbe happy with someone else, she actually told me this in the past.

Thanks for your reply's they really help me, I dont want to keep bugging my friends and family with this.

[Fene]

I know this isn't really good advice and i'm not trying to hurt your feelings in anyway, just giving the honest truth.

In all the books I have been reading the guy she was with has one MAJOR advantage over you... They have a history together and because of this even when she tries to get over him and move on there will always be things that remind her of him and the time that they spent together and these will always be the things that pull her back towards him instead of moving on with you. I know this is always said alot but seriously be there for her as a friend if you're able to, if not then avoid contacting her so you can allow yourself to heal and be positive with the thought that there are billions more women out there and there's plenty that you would get on great with that wouldn't come with all the extra baggage.

Good luck my friend, I hope things workout for you.

[jko123]

Ya Fene you are right. And if there is a chance in the future she needs time to get over him so she can be with me without the baggage. Another reason i am sticking around is that i have been in the same position as her and let someone go that i wish i didnt..but i was not thinking right.
I guess what confuses me the most is the fact that we went out and had a good night, and then when i tried to contact her the next day she has not responded...still has not responded.

[Fene]

I'm glad you feel that way.. Just remember "Time heals all wounds".... Except maybe a lost limb

[jko123]

? ...........

[Fene]

I'm glad you feel that way.. Just remember "Time heals all wounds".... Except maybe a lost limb

Don't worry the last bit was just a joke, lol

[Been there!]

Move on! This girl can't make up her mind and it sounds like your her stand-in when the ex is away. I've done this to guys quite a bit and chances are she will continue bouncing back and forth with the ex for a long time to come. If her and her ex keep breaking up and she hasn't realized that your a good catch and she should take the leap with you than she's not going to. Sorry

[nerdy_guy]

Move on! This girl can't make up her mind and it sounds like your her stand-in when the ex is away. I've done this to guys quite a bit and chances are she will continue bouncing back and forth with the ex for a long time to come. If her and her ex keep breaking up and she hasn't realized that your a good catch and she should take the leap with you than she's not going to. Sorry

That's right. you're just a stand-in. If she's really into you, she'll fix up her life so that she can concentrate on you. It would seem that you're just important to her if she needs someone to fill in the gap. Also, she got back with her ex, then she split up again in a snap. Its a relationship and she's treating it like a light switch. You said you liked her smile and her values but it seems that the only thing she's got are her smiles and music. Her values are messed up if she acts that way. She treats people like a doormat, that, dude, is not value.

[jko123]

So here is a update and some advice to keep me on track would be nice, so about 2 months ago me and her meet up again after I noticed she became single again....we went out to a city festival then to a movie everything went well and we had a good time together aside from a few akward moments. I tried to contact her agian the next day but she never returned my call so I decided to leave her be, we went about 2 months without speaking to each other until a few days ago when she started to contact me agian...I have asked her out to go for tea and was going to tell her the way I feel after all this time apart and that I would like to see how she feels, I have not out right asked her what her situation with her ex is but I cant get her out of my mind even after seeing other girls. What are your opinions on my situation...should I put it all out on the line? or just keep it casual for now?

[JELEF]

I'm hardly an expert but I think you've got to be casual about all of this. Be friendly and engaging, but don't act like you're in love with her. If she's at all interested, she'll make some kind of effort. If she vanishes again for an extended period and only pops back round when it's convenient for her, sod it. Sounds like a lousy friend and I can't imagine she'd be a better lover.

[OhhhBoyyy]

Is your name oscar by any chance?? Because the girl you're trying to get with is my best friend here in the states, and you're her Oscar! Basically by best friend is not over her ex, and it trying to date this Oscar guy to help her get over her ex... REBOUND.

First of all, she probably still isn't over her boyfriend. Did you ask her how the relationship ended, and how long it lasted? If they dated for a while and she loved him, she's looking for something in between right now - and this would be you... but eventually in the end, if she had to choose, the ex would win. If you're trying to build something serious with her, you really shouldn't try to do it right now. Maybe some time in the long long future. She'll need her time and space to realize what she wants. When she says she misses you... it's because she misses having a boy by her side. She's may also be hoping to use you to get over her ex before her ex finds another girl to get over her. It's like a competition. I don't know if you want to be a part of that. If she hasn't contacted you she may be doing it out of respect, because she still has strong feelings for her ex and doesn't want to hurt you.


Just because you have the same values and taste in music doesn't necessarily mean she is the one. There are other girls out there with nice smiles, and who are easy to talk to. Come to the states!!

[breacliff]

flirt to other girls like me. lol thanks for sharing