In my mind the strikes are piling up on this girl, am I the problem or is she?

[lifesabitch]

Long story short i've been dating this girl for almost a month now, long distance. She's someone i've known for awhile but only recently started to date. She has told me that she believes the most important parts of a relationship are trust and honesty so she has been very honesty and open with me from the start which is good. When we got into the subject of past bf's and sexual history she told me that she has had 12 different bf's, 2 of the serious, and about 30 sexual partners (including the 12 bf's, and 18 others).. To me that is a staggering number first of all. I know some guys have had many many different partners, but I have only had 2 and both were with girls I was very serious about. So her 30 was just an incredibly high number to me. After some careful thought, and some discussion, I decided that the past is the past and all that matters is me and her right now, and the fact that she said she is changed and that was her old lifestyle.

So, we talk pretty frequently and in conversation we occasionally get into talking about old relationships. I might tell her a brief story or two, but I never go into any sort of blatant details because I don't want to ever hurt her by going in depth about past relations with other females. She on the other hand talks with vigor and excitement about all the past relationships and sexual experiences she's had with guys. It's like she's excited to tell me these stories without thinking about how it might be hurting me. So after consulting some friends I decided to tell her straight up that these stories of hers hurt me and that I hope she has really changed. She tells me I have nothing to worry about because that was all in the past, and that if the stories hurt me she won't tell them anymore.

I accepted this answer and we moved on from it, with myself thinking it wouldn't be an issue anymore. A few days later she went into all the gory details of another such experience. It bothered me but I didn't let on because last time I did she just told me to stop being insecure and that she wouldn't care if I told her the same such stories about girls from my past. Then she didn't do it again for awhile. But today, she did it one more time and I had enough. She not only was describing to me in detail about the guy who took her virginity and how much she enjoyed it, but she also said at the end of it "man i miss those days, i wish i could go back." And at that point I had it, that line was the straw that broke the camels back. I got pissed off and said, if u wish you could go back, why the hell are you with me in the first place? She then started getting really cold and bitchy with her attitude. She was like, are you gonna keep getting mad everytime I tell you a story about a guy? Stop being so childish and insecure... My question is, am I the problem here or is she? I would really like to know from an outsider perspective. And not only that, should I break up with this girl now while it's still fresh or should I stick it out and try and work out changes? Because something really needs to change, it won't last much longer at this rate.

[lahnnabell]

Did you explicitly say to her, "Do not tell my stories of your past because I don't want to hear them"? If you did and she's not paying attention, then don't expect her to change. Tell her to find someone who won't care about her number or the gory details behind each one.

No one should be divulging such intimate details about their past because it most likely just causes problems. It almost sounds like she's bragging in a way.

[vashti]

She sounds incredibly insensitive and thoughtless. You very clearly asked for what you need (not an unreasonable request, BTW), and she continues to disregard it, and has the nerve to call you childish for wanting it.

I think you are correct in believing SHE is the problem.

BTW - 30 lovers is a lot. I hope you have been protecting yourself.

[xxazurexx]

I would tell her you aren't interested in the gory details of her past sexual encounters.

I knew a guy who was similar. I'd tell him I wasn't interested and always hang up on him.

Used to make me wonder if he was bragging or trying to impress me - however it wasn't impressing.

I think they are the 'insecure' ones and when they feel a need to talk about stuff like this.

[lifesabitch]

damnit, I wrote on a whole response and this stupid site logged me out and didn't let me post it.... anyways the end of what I said is that she sent me a text message this morning saying "I love you but I don't think that's enough for you. Stop misinterpreting what I say all the time. I don't care about the past anymore. I had good times in the past but it's like I can't even share that with you. I'm with you because I choose to be with you, so you have nothing to worry about. I'm not gonna leave or hurt you and call up one of my ex's just because we had good times together in the past. That's the reason it's the past so you can make better choices in the future."

[IncognitoSir]

Stand your ground man. What she's doing is not cool and no matter how much she tries to rationalize the situation with you make sure you stand your ground. Personally it sounds like she's missing those days and its probably only a matter of time before she turns back. Why would her sexapades bring YOU joy. I think its really strange that she even wants to tell you about that in the first place. Sounds like she might have some deeper issues that you're missing. Dont stand for that BS.

[lifesabitch]

And i'm still pissed off about it because she now is saying that she never had a problem with telling those stories to any of her previous bf's but that since it's such a big issue with me she's gonna completely stop and cut it out... But it's like, how is that supposed to make me happy when she's basically saying that I am the problem and that she's gonna go out of her way to not do something that any standard guy wouldn't be bothered by.

[lahnnabell]

She needs to get a few things through her head.

1. You are not any of her previous boyfriends. You are you. You've made it clear from the start that you don't want to hear of her sexcapades and she's trying to pressure you into accepting her behavior.

2. Sharing your past sexual experiences with your current boyfriend is not a sentiment. Talking about how many guys you blew once upon a time is not intimate.