girlfriend wants me to be arrogant and powerful

[adam95]

hey guys
i need a little advice. well i've been with my girl for three years now and I am the romantic sensitive type. I always ask her what she wants and do what she wants. I'm pretty gentle in bed, all lovey and romantic.
Well lately shes saying that this is not her thing and she prefers powerful and arrogant men(not rude and disrespectful though).
well i can do the rough stuff in bed but im not sure how i can be arrogant normally without being rude.
any tips would be appreciated

[Kagerou]

It took her 3 years to tell you this?

Perhaps she is wording it a little wrong, by arrogant maybe she means she wants you to be more dominant. Feel like you do have some force and control in you? A lot of girls actually like that their man can be dominating and "in charge" some of the time, the gentle laid back type may not be what she wants 24/7.

Although asking her what she means might prove better.

[adam95]

yeah actually that is the words she used.
shes been hinting at this since the past year, its only a few days back she actually spelled it out for me. i do love her, more than anything. im just not so good at picking up hints!
any advice on being more in charge without being offensive?

[RdHrshyKss]

lol, did your girlfriend really say that she wants you to be arrogant? maybe she means she wants you to act more confident and independent? that you aren't so wishy washy around her all the time and actually take control of certain situations. like in bed, rather than being all mushy and romantic and heeding to her needs all the time, you can take control, be dominant, tell her to get into a certain position or physically guide her into that position. women like it when men know when to be confident/dominant and when to be romantic/sensitive. there has to be a balance.

[adam95]

yeah she actually said that. shes probably really tired of my mushyness!
well like i said, i got control of it in bed. i tell her what i want and she seems to react a lot nicer if she fights ]and I force her into it. but i just dont know how to keep the dominance and power up during normal times, like when we go out or when we eat dinner.

[RdHrshyKss]

dominance is as easy as just telling her that you guys are going to go out and do something without asking her for permission or asking what she'd like to do. plan a date from beginning to end without her help. she'll probably take fondly to that, it shows you made an effort to take control of things a little and to take her out without her having to plan or worry about anything, a surprise date so-to-speak.

girls tend to like guys who don't act like the girl is on their mind all the time. busy yourself with a hobby and go out and do other things that don't necessarily involve her. it will make her want you more i think. don't get me wrong, girls LOVE guys who respect them, and care for them, and want to make them happy, but there has to be a balance. a guy who is always worrying about the girl, and makes his life all about her, is NOT attractive. this "arrogance" she speaks of is most likely independence. there needs to be some separateness in order for the intrigue to stay alive. she still wants to feel like she has to work for your love. most people don't appreciate love that comes so easily, because it feels unearned. make her feel like she has to earn your chivalrous nature.

[girl68]

for example when you get the wrong dish at a resturant do you send it back? if someone budges in front of you in line do you say something about it? if you get bad service do you complain or leave a bad tip? If someone bad mouths you do you stand up for yourself? I like a guy who says YES to all of these.

[Raze]

You're probably being a pushover. No, girls don't like that.

[Gigabitch]

It sounds like she wants to date a cocaine dealer.

[Incognito]

^^^LOL @ Gigabitch. I'm just me, and I can only comment from what I've seen, but it doesn't sound like a good sign if she's asking you to be something that you're not. Eventually you'll go back to being who you really are (as you should anyway), and she may feel like you aren't trying hard enough. The bottom line is that most women at one time or another want the 'bad boy' type, but only the stupid and desperate marry such men.

Perhaps she simply didn't use the correct terms when she was talking to you. She may have said "arrogant and powerful", but she may have meant more along the lines of what RdHrshyKss said. I'd also be curious as to why she's feeling this way after three years if I were you.

[adam95]

@ RdHrshyKss
yeah ur right, i think i have to find that balance.
it makes a lot more sense to me. I think pushover is too strong of a word here! lol. anyway i know now what lines to think along. Thanks a lot guys.

@incognito
she doesnt want me to change. i think she just wants me to act a little "bad boy-ish" sometimes. maybe just to keep things a little interesting.

and yeah more dominant and in charge than arrogant (wrong choice of word!)

thanks a lot guys!

[Raze]

She wants you to be a man so be a man.

[adam95]

@ raze
thats a nice way to put it!

i only became like this cuz i thought this is what girls like! i think i was just on both extremes.
balance, here i come!

[sookie6]

I don't think you can change your inner nature you know...

[RdHrshyKss]

woohoo!