He just told me he has a kid

[elphie]

So this guy I've been seeing a couple of times recently mentioned he had a kid. He had her with his ex wife (they've been divorced for awhile now), which I also just found out, and they share custody of her. I'm 25 and his daughter is 12. He's in his early 30s. I appreciate that he told me and pretty early on too. His having a kid definitely complicates things even more (dating on it's own is hard enough).

Some of my concerns/hesitations/things I'm thinking about are first, he has a daughter, and on top of that, I'm not that much older than she is. I like kids and get along with them really well, so that isn't so much a concern. What is is that I'm not sure if I want kids or not, and if things got serious, I would end up being a stepmom to an almost fully grown kid. I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about him. He's a really nice guy and I've enjoyed spending time with him, but I'm not sure yet about dating/getting into a relationship with him. And now I have to factor in not only how I feel about him, but how I feel about potentially having a kid and what that entails.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Found out the person they were seeing had a kid(s). How did you figure out if you were ready for that or wanted to find someone who wasn't so attached? What was it like dating someone who had a kid? How did that impact on what you did/dating/getting into a relationship? Suggestions/advice for figuring out what to do?

[kitkitkitty]

people always say that if a parent has a new partner then the 2 adults should have a VERY stable relationship before introducing kids. i'd say enjoy your time with this guy cos you have no idea where it's gona go. see him when his ex-wife has his daughter and just see what happens. good on him for telling you this early on and it's hardly a great chat for a 1st date so at least he's honest and that's what you need.

[vashti]

I don't think it's a good idea for anyone in their 20s to date people with children. This is 1000x more true if they don't have any of their own. Sorry.

And yes, I speak from experience.

Also, I agree that you should not be meeting this girl at all. Unless/until he is thinking of marrying, it is too much stress for a child.

[LailaK]

I'm 25 as well and I would not date a guy with a kid.

It doesn't make me a bad person or judgmental. It just means I understand my limits.

I've worked too hard at NOT becoming a mom to all of a sudden inherit children just because of who I'm dating. I also don't want to deal with the unnecessary drama that would come with dating someone with kids. If you're not ready to be a mom then that's that. Again, it doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a reasonable adult who is unwilling to bring drama into your life or his children's lives.

[Raze]

I would never date someone with a kid and I'm 23. I had a girl bring what could have been her daughter to a date. She claimed it was her sister. I stuck around for the entire date but after that, we just stopped talking. The date was awkward. The kid made things awkward and it will make things awkward no matter what.

Be nice about it. I wouldn't pursue a relationship with someone that has a kid because it's too much emotional baggage. Everyone has baggage, but when someone is seperated with a kid, it will make things complicated for you. However, if you can look past the kid, then go for it. If not, then leave (in a nice way).

[girl68]

I'm 25 and I too couldn't be a mrs. stepmom. I'm too young and too into my own life to focus on being a mother.

[Gigabitch]

He should have disclosed this immediately. I don't like that you're just finding out about this now.

I concur with the rest of the group that you shouldn't be a part of this kid's life. Either date him very casually or not at all.