He won't say I love you.

[-D-]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years and he won't say I love you. In the beginning of our relationship, when he had been drinking once, he told me he loved me a few times. I wasn't ready to say it then, so I didn't. Then, a few months later, I told him I loved him and he didn't say it back to me. He said he was almost ready to, though. Then finally one day out of the blue he said it. This was probably a year ago.

Now according to him, he does love me. If I tell him I love him, he will say it back, but he can never initiate it. I hardly say it because to me it seems like he doesn't want to. He told me that in his last relationship, he said it very early on and now the words don't mean that much to him or something along those lines.

I get that, but come on.. 1.5 years? I would give anything for us to say that to eachother regularily. I can't force him, though.
I just sometimes feel like if he DID really love me, he would me able to say it.

We've had our ups and downs in this relationship, but overall he treats me very well. Any advice?

[kitkitkitty]

maybe he's wary about what's going to happen with you in the future? uni? a huge change in one of your lives? and you said about a past relationship and so its understandable but idk about this far in. me and my bf have been with each other for almost 20 months and we've both got uni coming and he doesnt wana go in in a relationship and sometimes i can feel him not want to get ridiculously close to me.

[-D-]

I'm not sure. We don't really have any big upcoming changes. I'm finished school. The only thing I can think of is that he is unsure about where he wants to settle down. He has moved around a lot in his life and he doesn't really know where he wants to be at. That could be the cause.

I don't want to believe that if he doesn't say it, that means he doesn't feel it...
but a part of me can't help it.

Maybe I should ask him about this?

[kitkitkitty]

i think that you really should have a nice relaxed heart-to-heart. tell him although it hurts at times that you dont wana force/ pressurize him into anything and see what he says. youve been together long enough so don't be nervous, take a deep breath and go for it. maybe you could speak to a close friend of his? you may see a side of him that you havent seen before, as his friends may have known his ex and can say exactly how things started, ended etc.

[-D-]

He's not very good at heart to hearts, lol. He really doesn't like talking about his feelings. Maybe that's also a problem with him not saying I love you.
I think I will casually bring it up when I see him this week. Then again, I don't know if there's a point cause I can't force him to say anything he doesn't want to.

[kitkitkitty]

well remember youre not forcing him into anything, it means a lot to you and you deserve to know if youre getting worked up about it. maybe write down what youre feeling. you dont have to give it to him but i find that if i write stuff down, i work out my own personal conclusion by myself. and it must say something if youre still together after so long so not all is lost if you need to have a drink of something! be comfortable enough to say everything that worries/ frustrates you. even if he's not an emotional person, he needs to realise that you are and we all need reassurance every so often.

[-D-]

Thanks for the advice.
I find that when I write stuff down it helps too!

I think I'll try talking to him about it.

[kitkitkitty]

ok well write again if you need help, il try my best