Hurt and confused :(

[amyt25]

Ive posted on here previously about my partner and father of my son telling me 2 days ago he "wasn't in love with me anymore". He decided to leave yesterday and its broken my heart. He admitted after much digging he has been emailing a girl at work about our love life/problems. Yet he previously told me this girl doesnt work in the same area as him and he hardly knew her, so obviously im intrigued to how they got from not knowing each other to discussing MY relationship. He tried to prove to me yday that he wasnt textin her when to his surprise there was a message there on his phone which she had sent saying "im good thanks, yeah I know the score. Thinking of you xx" I asked him what she meant he told me he'd told her we'd broke up. He also told me that he confided in her because she doesnt work in the same area as him so there would be no gossip??? I don't know why hes telling this girl these things unless there is something going on between them (he also said if he was gonna cheat he'd end the relationship first). But yet im confused because yday when the decision had been made he said "im worried cos what if i regret it in a couple of weeks, maybe we should have just agreed to a break", I didn't answer. Then he told me "ill pay for our sons maintence into your account that is unless things change by then" I replied "what? you think you wont have a job by then?" He said "No incase im back here" Is this guy messing me about? Our relationship was fine up until 2 days ago and this has came out the blue. I have a gut feeling that he and this girl like each other and hes gone to be with her but if it doesnt work out he'll try and come back here? Does anyone think I have a point?

[vashti]

Yeah, I think he's testing the waters with another girl, and wants to keep you on the hook if things don't work out. Has he ever done anything like this before? Sometimes, men learn a lesson when doing this, but ususally, they don't. They just continue to run off and have their fun, and then come running back with their tail between their knees.

BTW - I thought this thread was going to be a complaint about one of our posters.

[amyt25]

Hey, thanks for replying
No he hasnt ever done anything like this before, its really out of character especially as he loves the kids and would do anything for them so its not like him to up and leave. It has been mentioned today by a couple of people who know what hes like that he may feel trapped, but I dont get all this talking with this other girl though :s

[vashti]

yeah, some men crack under the stress of having a new baby. I guess I am supposed to feel bad for them since I know how stressful that time in life can be, but it just annoys me that they feel free to walk away from their kid(s).

Are you close to your parents? Could you move back home with them? You are going to need extra help with your babies.

[amyt25]

He's always saying he's finding life tough and to be honest we dont get the chance to do many things together because we both work full time (I do night shifts) and life is difficult, but surely if he says hes no longer in love with me, then thats that? Over? I'm lucky my parents only live a few minutes away so they will help out when they can

[vashti]

It's so dumb to say something like that with a new baby on board. Feelings are transitory. One day you are crazy about your partner, and the next you want to hit them on the head with a frying pan. That's NORMAL.

He sounds very immature. How old are you guys?

[amyt25]

I'm 26 he's 30 this year. Times have been tough, our son was born very poorly last year and nearly died, so times have been testing. Its just breaking my heart because I dont know what to do. Im leaving him alone at the minute, im not asking any questions im just replying when he asks how the children are but its so difficult

[vashti]

maybe you should just tell him quietly ONCE that he is making a big mistake, that despite the hard times you have had, you love him and your kids need him, and he will not be proud of abandoning them a few years down the road. And then, don't bring it up again.

[amyt25]

thank you for your advise, xx

[Riyko]

Honestly I wouldn't give him the chance to come back or let him back to make things work for you guys if things don't work between him and the girl (if that's what he's doing). I would tell him that he blew the chance for it to be an "US", but that he will still be able to see his kid(s).

[amyt25]

Your right I know thats how I should feel too and hopefully I will in a few days, I think at the moment its just so raw

[xxazurexx]

WTF?? He's having an emotional affair with this other woman, that much is pretty obvious.

And he's left and thinks he can come back and if it doesn't work out with her? And because you can bet your life that this is where he is...with HER!!

Really....are you 'that' desperate for a man that you would tolerate this shit and take him back, if he comes back?

And even if he does come back, what is to stop him from doing this again and with some other woman he decides to share his relationship problems with. He should be discussing his relationship problems with YOU...not with other tarts he's picking up.

He sounds a MEGA TURD....and you could do better!

[vashti]

You know, I would totally agree with you xxazurexx, if it weren't for the kids in the picture, and the fact that she says this isn't typical behavior for him. Her own hurt feelings aside, it really IS a big deal to leave your children, and they usually suffer when the father does this. Mothers shouldn't underestimate the impact. Sometimes men need to be reminded of what they are giving up, and it isn't clear that he has done anything more than consider a different life.

In any case, she could always escalate her reaction if he doesn't come to his senses in a hurry.

[xxazurexx]

Well I've been in this situation and had a partner walk out on me to be with another woman and we had a child too.

There is NO WAY in hell would I have taken him back and if his relationship hadn't worked with her, despite having a child.

Why the heck would I want to settle for a man like that? And it isn't the kind of man I'd want as a role model for my daughter.

[vashti]

Well I've been in this situation and had a partner walk out on me to be with another woman and we had a child too.

It isn't clear (yet) that this is what he is doing.