Hoping to get some perspective here...

[donkeyy0]

I posted my "problem" in the "broken hearts" thing, but I'd really specifically like a female's perspective here...

I dated my gf for 2 years, and recently things have been "stale". I talked to her about it, she agreed...but we didn't know really what to "do". So after a few months of nothing really changing, I talked to her again, and this time she said she wasn't sure and just needed time alone to think. I take this as a "let's break up"...but after changing her Facebook relationship status (I know...I know...) to single, she texts me. Crap like "how was your day" and stuff like that. I assumed that there would be a decent "let's just be apart" period, but it appears that there isn't going to be. She's asked me out a couple times...we've "hung out" just the two of us a few times too. After a while I decided I can't keep going on with this and I talk to her about it. I asked her what she was trying to figure out, and what message she was trying to send me. She replied that she just wasn't sure what she wanted...that she still cared for me, and was still attracted to me...but that she didn't know if I was the "one". Getting frustrated I asked her what she expected from me...that I would just wait for her to make her decision, or I would move on with my life. Her response was "I can't ask you to wait for me, but I really would wish you to". I was like "why? It's not like you care anymore anyways...that's what this whole thing is about no?" And her response was "But when I finally make my decision I'll want to be with you."

It was at that point that I dropped the phone.

What's going through her mind? Why would she "take a break" if she (as she stated) is under the assumption that she'll come back?

Like I said in the other thread, I've had numerous offers both sexual and more serious...but I can't go through with them without knowing what she's actually thinking. We continue to talk, we continue to flirt, there's been one "almost" sexual moment already, and it's only been 2 weeks-ish.

Mods can scold me if they choose, but I want to know what the women on this board think she's thinking. Sorry about a "double" post, although I feel like I'm asking two different questions.

I love this woman, and I know that she did at some point. I just want to know what she's thinking now. I've spoken to her, and she can't even put it into words...

[xxazurexx]

She is wanting to see what else is out there and keeping you on the sidelines just incase nothing better comes along, obviously.

[donkeyy0]

Well, I talked to her about that as well. That I wasn't going to be her fallback option. Now...obviously she could be lying to me...but she said that there is nobody else, and she has no intention of dating someone else until she's figured out what she wants to do with me.

Also...not that it matters, but I was widely considered to be the "better catch" among most of my friends...and hers. Personally, I don't "get" that, but I've had completely random people come up to us on the street to say I'm too good looking for her. Not a word of a lie. It's happened twice, and it was really really shocking. And rude. I told both the people to gtfo.

[xxazurexx]

There may not be anyone else, she may have no intention at this very moment in time in dating anyone else. But if someone comes along that appeals and this person could walk into her life at any given time, what do you think she would do?

End of day and when they suggest breaks, it is because they are not happy/are doubting the relationship.

BTW, looks have got absolutely nothing to do with it. Looks do not hold relationships together and looks did not stop your relationship with her from going stale. So don't be so sure that she wouldn't go off with anyone else and because you are good looking....it doesn't work that way.

[donkeyy0]

I don't think she's not going to run off with someone else because I'm good looking...I think it because she's said as much. I'm inclined to believe her. Or...maybe I just want to believe her because I still care so strongly about her.

Like I may have said earlier...I went out of my way to ask her if there was anything that I should be waiting for, she seems to think there is. Obviously there's problems, I was the one who brought them up initially...I was considering leaving her at quite a few points...I was the one who actually suggested the "time alone" thing. She hadn't been "single" since she was 15, and the same was true for me from about 17 or so. We both jumped from relationship to relationship really really quickly...never taking time to ourselves. Now she never said "I just need to be single", she said "I need time to myself"...but essentially it's the same thing no?

She says that this "time" is for her to figure out if I'm the one who she wants to be with like...forever. So I guess basically either a giant step forward or a giant step back?

I just really want to get inside her head. Obviously I want to save this, but if it can't be saved I at least want to know what caused all of this to happen.

[clove]

She cares about you but she is not ready to commit.
And if that's the type of personality she has, she may not EVER be ready.
Don't wait around for her, as long as you aren't officially together go with the girls who ARE interested.

[60mm]

I agree that you should just move on for now and don't come to any hard conclusions about you guys. Probably the only thing that "happened" is that fact that you guys are so young, I really would try not to think much into it if I were you. Have some drinks with your friends and get it out and enjoy being a young single man!

[donkeyy0]

Is it something that like...she'll eventually "figure out" though? I imagine the whole "not being single" thing obviously plays a role...but before me she was a part of two terrible relationships that did a whole lot of harm on her self esteem...she's always been scared to open up to anybody.

I don't know if it was this thread or the other one where I mentioned she had a year long battle with depression...she's had a lot of stuff just go "bad" for her, especially relationship-wise. It would make perfect sense to me that she's not ready to commit (which I did kind of pressure her for in terms of how 'serious' we were).

What I've decided is two weeks or so of absolutely no contact. I won't be answering her calls, texts, emails...anything. I figure...I need to "figure things out" as much as she does, and I think the time apart would do us both well. After two weeks we can come back and talk about things. But right now we need space.

[poisonsierra]

hi there. just wanna give you a piece of something that might help you out. people changes got confused whenever their partner is changing, doing something not good in their eyes or they are getting confused if they are getting attracted to someone where they are feeling a different sort of happiness. just give yourself a time to evaluate if you really love her tough it seems that you really are. you just need a serious conversation, just the two of you. in person ok. not over the phone. let her speak up but be ready on what she might about to tell you..

[donkeyy0]

There is nobody else. I keep saying this, but nobody believes me haha. She's not leaving me for "somebody". I spoke to her this morning, we talked quickly about what's wrong...she brought up how the last few months I seemed really distant. She basically braced herself for my leaving her...and then when I "came back to her" she didn't feel what she thought she should. So I'm playing the waiting game now. I told her that she can't be expected to make any decision if we're going to run around watching movies, going to yoga, and crap like that. In order to make her decision she needs to be left to her own devices...so she needs to be alone.