advice!

[jerry1522]

Good evenng, I'm sure this is a very common situation but would appreciate some advice!

Brief introduction, I have been in a relationship for 8 yrs, I am 30 yr old Male quite successful, run own business, etc. On the whole it's gone really well. However, since Xmas I've been visiting a friend who's partners friend I find quite attractive - I've been talking to her for a while on a purely platonic level and it sort of escalated in to quite risque sort of talk via SMS messages, etc.

Now, I've had temporary 'crushes' in the past (who hasn't) but this one is really bothering me because I really can't stop thinking about this other person and it's starting to affect my relationship with my partner. In all likelihood and using my head I can't see anything happening, and I wouldn't really want to throw away the last 8 years but it's really got me worried. I feel like I don't know what I want anymore and it's quite depressing sometimes so I feel like I'm pushing my existing partner away (but maintaining a facade on the outside!)

What can I potentially do to help the situation and get some resolution one way or the other, it's gone on for a few months now and it's frustrating me.

Thanks for any help
Ged

[angel2002]

Ged, you dont love your partner anymore, thats why the need of being in contact with someone else you think attractive, when a man is in love he just wants and thinks bout the one he loves.
May be letting go the relationship is better than make her suffer, plus may be this crush on this other woman has to do with how she looks, who knows.
Well if i were you id avoid temptation to not cheat or break up with this lady to go for this crush.
good luck

[Gigabitch]

If you really don't want to throw the past eight years away, stop the inappropriate behavior with the new woman. You're starting to get your needs met by her, more and more. You're seeking her attention, and getting it, and it's making your current relationship look boring in comparison.

Are you committed or not? If so, act like it. If not, maybe you need to let her go. Personally, I think you would be making a mistake to compare an infatuation with a long-term established relationship. A new thing is, of course, going to be more exciting. It's Mother Nature's way of making people mate. It's not sustainable, though, and you know that, don't you? You're tired of eating the healthy dinner every night and you're cruising the junk food aisle.

If you can, Ged, stop the thing with the new woman long enough to clear your head and try to figure out if you really want out of your relationship. Also, ask yourself if you'd really want to be with a woman who would get risque with a man who is in a committed relationship. Remember the cliche: if she'll do it with you, she'll do it to you.

[jerry1522]

That's pretty good advice from both (if polarising!)
How do you know when you don't love someone anymore? It's quite "routine" now after so long, from a physical side not much goes on in the bedroom dept, but isn't this normal?
I've not been in a relationship for this long before so I don't know whether it's just a phase, boredom, or what...

[angel2002]

Well routine can make that boredom feeling come, but you sincerely know you dont love her when your feelings arent being met anymore, and this is what seems to be happening.
Well i agree with gigabitch, if u are commited then stop caring bout this woman or leave the current one
good luck

[Gigabitch]

I think they call it the seven year itch.

[jerry1522]

Thanks for your input, both