Help! Where do you meet guys?

[loveminuszero]

I live in a small town where it is pretty much impossible to meet people, let alone potential men to date. I just graduated college and feel shut out from the world. I work in an office by myself, so there goes the "meeting someone at work" thing. I volunteer at a homeless shelter, so I'm not exactly going to meet someone there, either (at least that I want to meet, haha).

I don't really want to meet a guy at a bar because I was somewhat of a drunkard during college and exhaused the party scene: two alcoholics = bad news. I thought about going to church on the grounds that I might meet a "nice" guy, but as I am an agnostic, that would be false pretenses and thus a bad way to meet someone. My neighbors want me to go out with their son, but if things didn't work out, I would feel awkward around them since we are close. I even thought about Internet dating sites, but I think that's a little too desperate for a 23 year old. Also, I don't trust my friends to set me up with anyone; besides, I know most of their friends, anyway, and I wouldn't date a majority of them.

Okay, I realize I may sound picky, but I think I have the right to be. I was in a serious relationship a year ago with an emotionally abusive cheater who lied about drug usage - it took me a long time to get over it and to regain my confidence, since the relationship completely screwed with my head. My desire to date is probably because it seems like everyone around me has someone - my best friend is even dating two guys at once - and it makes things a little pathetic and lonely. It doesn't help that the after college "world is your oyster" bruhaha isn't what it's cracked up to be, and it's depressing that this is probably the most attractive I'll ever look since I'm only getting older, and I still can't snag a guy. Before my last relationship, I was somewhat of a serial dater and I've never been dumped; I've considered that my luck may be karma.

I'm just over dating losers, though I realize there are many out there. I've never dated a nice, intelligent man (or a MAN, lol). I'm not even looking for "the one," I just want to get back in the game.

Any creative suggestions where else to meet people?

P.S. I did just graduate, so I am too poor for a gym membership.

[IncognitoSir]

Sounds like if anyone suggest a place to you you're just gonna find something to be wrong with it. You're looking for a guy for allll the wrong reasons too. Anyways, clubs, sportsbar, stripclub, AA meetings, malls, golf course, basketball court, the gym etc.

[VincenzoG91]

Your biggest problem is that you live in a small town. Even if you did manage to meet a local guy and date him, it would be potentially embarrassing because so many people would know what was going and would talk about you behind your back. And that's even if the relationship was pleasantly free of drama. I would recommend on-line dating, which is actually a very reasonable way to meet people, especially compared to the bar scene. However, since you live in a small town, you would probably be disappointed with the few local responses. And hopefully you have enough sense to avoid some futile long-distance relationship. I realize that you need this job right now, so you can pay off student loans and build up some savings, but you will probably need to eventually move into some kind of major metropolitan area to meet a greater selection of guys.

[Mish]

My desire to date is probably because it seems like everyone around me has someone - my best friend is even dating two guys at once - and it makes things a little pathetic and lonely

You want to find a date only because everyone around you has someone and you don't? If that's your only reason I think you should probably stay single for awhile.

[bluesummer]

I moved to a smaller town where the pickings were VERY slim. I met my current fiance online. Some people aren't fans of it, but if you do it properly, it works great. We both ran in completely different social circles at the time, so we likely never would have met out in the community.

[vashti]

Good god, don't pick up men in AA meetings! The relapse rate is VERY high!

I don't think you are too picky at all, and I don't think it is bad that you want to date because everyone else is. In fact, you sound normal to me. I don't see why you need to be punished for wanting to share time with someone else. lol

I think you COULD attend a church (choose a very liberal one with a young congregation, such as Unitarian Universalists, but there are others) and tell them you are a seeker. They love that crap.

Also, you could try Meetup, which is an internet site that hosts various local clubs and their events. Just google "meetup".

[Mish]

I don't think it is bad that you want to date because everyone else is. In fact, you sound normal to me. I don't see why you need to be punished for wanting to share time with someone else. lol

Doesn't sound like wanting to share time with some one else to me. Sounds more like having an accessory, like a new hand bag (because everyone else has got one). I can't think of many worse reasons to date.

[vashti]

I think she just sounds lonely.

[loveminuszero]

I'm not as shallow as some people tried to make me out to be. I should have stated it better: seeing all my friends with someone just reminds me of how lonely I am - sort of salt on the wound. I've been single for a year and, like I said, I just want to get back in the game, not look for anything serious (though I wouldn't be completely against the idea, if it was taken very slow).

I am planning on moving sometime...but maybe to Africa, which makes me wonder why I even care about dating. I'm staying here until I find out if I got that job and if I don't, I'm moving elsewhere for grad school.

I did exchange numbers with a guy last night, while I was out at a bar with some friends. My ex was with us...while I was in the bathroom the guy gave his number to my ex to give to me, so when I got back, my ex handed me a slip of paper and said, "Some guy said to give this to you." Bahaha!

[girl68]

hahaha if I was the ex I'd say some guy gave this to you rip, opps... umm yeah.

[loveminuszero]

Haha, I probably would have done that, too. I guess since there were about 10 people at our table, there were too many witnesses to be a jerk.

Last night was definitely an ego boost since 1) I looked like doody compared to all the other girls (hair tied up, little make-up, t-shirt), 2) the guy was cute, 3) Out of all the people I was with, he gave it to my ex (the horrible one I mentioned in my post) and 4) He came up to me right after I drunkenly/horribly sang karaoke

[JaCzi]

I Don't think internet dating is desparate.. i think it's just broadening your chances of finding someone. I've met 3 of my boyfriends off of the internet and those relationships were great. Infact i'm in a relationship with someone off of the internet right now I'm only 19.

[Mish]

I'm not as shallow as some people tried to make me out to be. I should have stated it better: seeing all my friends with someone just reminds me of how lonely I am - sort of salt on the wound. I've been single for a year and, like I said, I just want to get back in the game, not look for anything serious (though I wouldn't be completely against the idea, if it was taken very slow).

I am planning on moving sometime...but maybe to Africa, which makes me wonder why I even care about dating. I'm staying here until I find out if I got that job and if I don't, I'm moving elsewhere for grad school.

So it's dating for a confidence boost then. Yeh, that's not shallow.

Anyway, why are you still hanging out with your emotionally abusive, cheater ex? If I were you I wouldn't be caught dead in the same room with someone like that.

[loveminuszero]

I'm not looking for a confidence boost; I like myself. Liking who I am doesn't mean I can't wish I had someone to spend time with, though. A significant other is a companion, so there's nothing wrong with seeking a relationship because you want companionship. If I wanted an accessory, I would have had one by now - picking up a guy is easy, but finding a quality guy you want to be with is hard. Thus my question: where else do I look?

Seeing my close friends with their boyfriend/girlfriends just reminds me that I have no one - however, this loneliness is something I feel already, without being unintentionally reminded. If all my friends were single, I probably wouldn't think about it as often because my environment would be different. However, that longing would still be there, but probably not to such a noticeable, conscious degree.

I don't like being around my ex, but we have a lot of the same friends and I think it would be self-centered to expect my friends to stop being friends with him; I gave enough in that relationship, so I'm certainly not going to give up my friends for him now, either. Plus, it would be pathetic if I fled every time he and his girlfriend were around. So I suck it up and treat them like old friends, even though I don't feel that way. At all.

My original post wasn't asking for opinions on why I want to date or to judge my character based on the few lines you read from me on the Internet; I asked for ideas on where to meet people. But thanks for all the input, Mishanya. You seem like a very pleasant person.

And thank you to the people who tried to help with my question, I appreciate the ideas and perspectives.

[Mish]

A significant other is a companion, so there's nothing wrong with seeking a relationship because you want companionship.

Yes it is, if you are after companionship then you should seek companionship and not relationship. They are two very different things.

Anyway, I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. It's just, some people date for all the wrong reasons and in those instances it's better for both them and others for them not to date at all (my original advice). As a guy, when you date one of the most frustrating experiences is going out with a girl who herself is unsure where she is going, whether she is staying or going etc. Experiences like that turn what should be a fun date into a bitter event for everyone. In my posts (however negative they may have appeared) I just wanted to point that out and suggest that maybe what you are looking for is just new friends and companions to spend time with and not partners (at least at this point in your life).