17, never hooked up with a girl and don't really know how

[fane]

this has really been bothering me for a while. about 8 months ago I asked a girl out for the first time and got rejected. for the next few months I was incredibly depressed, feeling really unattractive and unloved, and often contemplating (with varying degrees of seriousness) suicide, though with time I basically got over it, and I also lost a lot of weight, got contacts, and did other small things to make myself more presentable.

about 4 months ago I asked out this other girl to prom, and at first she said yes, but then cause of kinda technical reasons it became a no (to prom), and things in general kinda went downhill from there too.

so basically for the past 10 months these two things and other related feelings had gotten me really depressed in general. lately, though, I was really kind of happy that things seemed like they were getting better. nothing was happening per se, but I was really just feeling a lot happier about life in general, and was pretty excited that I felt like I was over my depression. then, about a week ago, it got ****ed up.

I was talking to these two other people at the place where I have a summer job. we were sort of just talking to pass the time, and one of them (a guy) brought up this story involving the other one (a girl) hooking up with some guy somewhere a while back (there was more to the story but it's irrelevant). the girl also happened to be who I ended up going to my prom with, kind of just as friends though. right as he said that I felt a searing combination of anger, sadness, and embarrassment, I guess because of how nonchalantly they were talking about something that I've been trying and failing to do for a while (well, I haven't been trying to just hook up I guess, it was more of a dating/gf type thing, but still).

so I've basically told myself that I want to try and hook up with someone by the end of the summer, but I don't really have a clue how. assuming that actually meeting girls isn't a problem (not that it isn't, per se, but I think I can kinda handle that), I don't know what I'd do to go from knowing or hanging out in a group with a girl to hooking up with them.

it seems like a really superficial and kinda sloppy solution to my problem, but like I said, I've been trying to deal with and sort out these feelings for 10 months, and after finally thinking I had solved my emotional issues, the thought of other people my age kissing ****ed it up. I'll take advice on how to solve this problem a different way, though that seems like something for another forum

[dewilliams2]

Seriously. Your still young, don't worry about it. It isn't a huge issue. I'm 23 and I get way more excited when I meet a girl that I can have an amazing time with then one that is a good ****.

Just take your time, have some confidence. Don't worry if you get shot down, there are billions of people in the world. But find a nice girl you like spending time with and have fun, what happens happens.

Also you might want to see someone about your feelings of depression and suicide. Although good for you in being proactive in trying to improve your appearance....but I'll tell you something else, you probably weren't a bad looking guy to begin with. High school is just and odd shallow time and place. As you get older you will realize that just about nobody is perfect and those few who are close to perfection on the outside are a lot of times damaged on the inside.

[fane]

Also you might want to see someone about your feelings of depression and suicide.

I have, kinda. I spoke to a school councilor-type person a few times, though I never specifically told her that I'd had thoughts of suicide. But it's been a while since I've thought of suicide in any kind of serious way,

Thanks for the advice, and I'll try it, but I have been trying this kind of stuff for a while now. I've been on other forums and have asked for advice on how to deal with these emotions where people basically gave me similar advice, and it sort of worked, but, like I said, in the end it all came undone relatively easily. Maybe if I just keep reminding myself of the fact that other people kiss, or just try to acknowledge/accept it more.

[dewilliams2]

I have, kinda. I spoke to a school councilor-type person a few times, though I never specifically told her that I'd had thoughts of suicide. But it's been a while since I've thought of suicide in any kind of serious way,

Thanks for the advice, and I'll try it, but I have been trying this kind of stuff for a while now. I've been on other forums and have asked for advice on how to deal with these emotions where people basically gave me similar advice, and it sort of worked, but, like I said, in the end it all came undone relatively easily. Maybe if I just keep reminding myself of the fact that other people kiss, or just try to acknowledge/accept it more.

Seriously just relax and don't worry about finding a girl. I find almost as soon as I stop really looking one falls in my lap. Just have fun and look for a nice girl that you like spending time with...then what happens happens. You haven't been at it that long, I have 6-7 years on you and it isn't like I've found the love of my life, but I've found a few that make me laugh and I liked to be with.

[girl68]

You're so young! While many of your friends might be little man whore wannabes it means a little something to most girls if the dude isn't a major player/ a dude that gets around.

Also setting deadlines to hook up by the end of summer is practically setting yourself up to fail and have more feelings of depression and all that comes along. Instead of a deadline or goal just relax. Look for girls who seem nice, chat them up and ask them to hang out doing something. It could be a show, shopping, checking out a park, concert, festivals, sports etc.

That said my first bf had his first date/ gf when he was 23. And I really liked the fact he wasn't a hs whore.

[dewilliams2]

Keep in mind to there is a big difference between high school girls and women....of course the same is true about yourself and other high school boys...there is a lot of change that happens. For the most part you are done growing but your not done learning and with age really does come wisdom....listen to Girl68. It isn't a bad thing to have your V-card until you meet the right girl.

Just relax and try to have some fun.

[Charisma]

Oh man, you sound a bit like me!-minus suicidal considerations...well at least not anymore.-

In highschool there was a guy I liked. I asked him to kiss me in one disco, but things got messed up. He went off to tell his friend, but my so-called best friend fancied him and seemed mad. Ended up he asked my angry friend to tell me he fancied me, wanted to go out with me and kiss me again, and I was overwhelmed (most of all I didn't think he'd say yes to kissing me!). I accidently said no (I was saying "no no I need to sit down first" but the first bit only came out) and next day when I went to talk to him he ignored me and walked by. In fact, he didn't speak to me until we were in the same music class in 6th year. In that time he became what someone has said in this thread before-a highschool hoe.

Did it matter? Yes. I didn't think he cared about me-and I wanted a guy to care about me- because he had slept with/dated so many girls, yet not said a word to me in 3 years. You'd think with all this experience he would have been able to chat to me and stuff without being awkward. Nope. Maybe he just expected me to jump his bones. Phft. Maybe he was doing enough just to pull me so he could add to his tally sheet. Who knows, but if he liked me he could made more effort.

My point? Just cos you can't hook up with someone doesn't mean you're bad at being with girls. I know that most young girls I know are complete idiots that actually WANT to practically be sluts. And there's plenty of guys there willing to use them for that sort of thing. Instead, you should work on getting girls to enjoy being around you or talking to you. I know plenty of girls that end up liking their guy friend because they realise they have stuff in common/they laugh about things/they feel comfortable and happy around them/ect. That doesn't mean every guy friend will get out of the friend zone, but that with the right approach that they can increase the chance of getting out of it.

As for feeling depressed about it all. Don't you dare think that because girls don't hook up with you or that you get rejected that it's because you're not good enough. Almost everyone has been rejected, and the slight few that haven't, they have either been lucky or have never asked in the first place. Imagine if you were so scared as to never try! You've got the guts to go out there asking girls you like to go to prom and stuff with you, which is more than other guys do most of the time with a girl they like. So you deserve kudos! Just like my *poor example* above, I ended up being wary about the guy's atitude, not that he was popular or had already had loads of gfs or was stunning to look at. He didn't make conversation with me much, he even ignored me after the accidental rejection, and after becoming a so-called stud, he still didn't make much conversation with me.

Sorry, this isn't about me, it's about you. You need to look in the mirror, and have a pen and some paper and write down all the good things about yourself. Write something good about every feature you think counts. Even if it's to say you don't like your height, or you think your laugh is stupid, find something good about it(but honest too). Look at it every day and especially when you feel bad, look at it. And then stand taller because you know you look and feel good and sound good and you've got a great sense of humour, ect...! It works a treat for me.

*hopes some of that made sense*

[Sonrisa]

i didn't hook up till i was almost 20, and look at me now.

[Mikeg542]

I have to reply to this because the situation is so similar to what mine was (with the depression and everything).
I was naturally a shy person most of my primary school career but being switched schools like 4 times made it quite difficult to make good friends. Because of this, I was (and still am a little bit) quite socially awkward (I don't think this is the same as your story but it seems relevant). I wasn't just poor dating material, I had trouble making eye contact with girls when I was 18! It was completely awful. The combination of the shyness and the depression led me to decide to just not care about a relationship anymore and just accept that I'd probably stay alone. (I never once asked a girl out in any way, so It was even worse then trying and failing)

After all that was said and done, I went away to university and a girl found me and we had a good relationship for 2.5 years. It ended terribly but that's neither here nor there and was just bad luck on my part. The point of this is not that haha, I got lucky, but that sometimes love will find you, not the other way around. Make friends, attend lots of gatherings, make yourself someone people want to spend time with and it'll go from there. It worked for me and I really hope it does for you too.

Good Luck

[IncognitoSir]

Man you're only 17 bro! Dont worry about it. Do this though: Hit the gym, get your HEAD str8, and live a healthy lifestlye. By the time you get to college you'll be reasy for all that you"ve been missing. I think you might be caught up in the whole high school POV of sex and relationships. That POV is a ver miscrued one. College in general shines a clearer light on the subject, plus you get to hang around a lot more mature people and you're kinda forced to experience things if you do go to college. Sounds like you might of been a bit sheltered but it's okay, you just need the oppurtunity to break out of your shell. I was kinda like you at 17, but once i went to college that ALL changed. You realize that even though you may get rejected (some more than others) there IS someone for everyone and if you went to my university there was aleast 7 someones for each guy lol. (female/male ratio of 7:1) Just work on your self esteem and being happy with yourself and everything else will just fall into place.

[SasuNaru]

trust me on this one i really recommend that u wait for the right person..this is from experience..

im a 16 year old girl and i just hooked up/kissed for the first time yesterday
i was shoked because for a while a was sad that boys didnt like me or something and that i havnt kissed yet and everyone else around me has..and thought i was unattractive so when the guy i met yesterday wanted to kiss i was shocked but i did cause that was my chance to finally experience kissing...cause i didnt know when my next chance would be.

after we finished i made an excuse to go home cause i felt awkward....at first i was happy and smiling but that happiness turned into saddness...i have been depressed and confusde since yesterday and very regretful...i wish i had saved my lips and tounge for someone who i like..cause truthfuly there is someone i really like but were just friends.


so u think u feel depressed now...u will feel worse after u hook up..also it makes u feel lonlier for some reason..also it felt pretty gross..if ur not that into the person dont even bother cause the kissing expreience wont be the same im sure that when you(we) kiss someone u have feeling for it feels alot different..

also i made this account just to reply to u..lol..

well good luck!!

[Wiredbomb0]

Don't worry about it, I know plenty of guys that have never "hooked' up with a girl (don't really like that term). You just have to give it time!
Most other guys you talk crap about the girl they did this and that with on the weekend, are just shallow.

It's a billion times better when you take you time and you find someone that you genuinely feel a connection with!

I always think it's a good idea, that if you like a girl, to try and do things with her in a group first, maybe with your freinds, and bring her along or something? That way, you don't have to feel like there is pressure if it was one-on-one. After you feel comfortable in the group, then move onto asking her to do something one-on-one
and just continue from there. Everything will happen in time, and there is no need to rush it

Wishing you the best of luck,

-Wired

[redbluemonday]

I know exactly what you mean.

I had my first kiss a month ago, and I'm 16. I promised myself I'd have my first kiss before I turned 16, but I didn't. And yes it was bothering me, but it happened to me at the moment I was least expecting it
So gotta have patience, don't look for it, for because it will happen to you sooner or later.
Don't worry about it too much!

Good luck

[kitkitkitty]

at least you're not 'the man-whore that sleeps with anything that has a pulse.' count yourself lucky, my man.

[duran_ii]

Just focus on yourself. Girls are attracted to men who have their sh*t together. Work out, get involved in activities and increase your knowledge. When you stop trying so hard to get a girl, you'll meet one.