Confused about what I want

[notsurehwhattod]

Hey everyone

Just wanted someones advice on this, because I am so confused!

If it helps, Im gay. I met this guy a couple of days ago online. He's really hot, if I had to describe my perfect type I would just show you him. So we met and hung out, it was really fun and we cuddled and madeout in the car, and then in bed. Anyways I really like him (not just for his looks) hes really sweet and I just like being around him. We text everyday, but for some reason I am not physically turned on by him. Im really confused about this because hes my type and I think hes really hot, but I just dont gte "stimulated" while thinking about him. He is the opposite. He was so hard in the car, and he finished and I didn't- yes we had sex on our first date. He lives 2 1/2 hours away, so maybe is my mind telling me just stop, because it wont work? I want to see him again, but I dont have a job right now and transportation gets expensive, haha.

I guess we'll have to meet again and see where things go, because I was out of it on our first date, we met in a larger city and his friend was driving us around, so it was strange to me. I know I might sound a little desperate and thats because I am. Im not going to be fake and "play hard to get" like thats just dumb. HE said he usually likes older, bigger guys, which is opposite of me, so I asked him "why me" and he said that I was different and we had a lot in common. Ive just been thinking about him alot and I dont want to get too attached, I just wish he was closer.

Thanks in advance for advice

[carl1222]

I think you may have answered your own question when you said "I've just been thinking about him a lot and I dont want to get too attached"

You say that he's exactly your physical type, so you should be attracted to and physically excited by the sexual intimacy. At least that's how it works with straight guys, I assume it's no different for gay guys.

Is there some reason that you have a protective wall built up to avoid the risk of being hurt? It is indeed scary to imagine the pain you may have to go through if things don't work out, but for most, that wall is not so high that it cancels out physical attraction completely! Sounds like you see this guy as too attractive, and it's making you jump ahead to the anticipation of a breakup.

Carl.

[notsurehwhattod]

I think you may have answered your own question when you said "I've just been thinking about him a lot and I dont want to get too attached"

You say that he's exactly your physical type, so you should be attracted to and physically excited by the sexual intimacy. At least that's how it works with straight guys, I assume it's no different for gay guys.

Is there some reason that you have a protective wall built up to avoid the risk of being hurt? It is indeed scary to imagine the pain you may have to go through if things don't work out, but for most, that wall is not so high that it cancels out physical attraction completely! Sounds like you see this guy as too attractive, and it's making you jump ahead to the anticipation of a breakup.

Carl.

So you're saying I wasn't physically excited because subconsciously I didn't want to get too attached?

It could be due to the fact that a couple years ago I got attached to someone and he left, I might still love him even though he has done so much to me and we fought all the time. I think my wall was high enough to cancel out the physical attraction, yet his wasnt. Hes really open and comfortable in his skin. It seemed like I wasnt having a good time (because he kept saying are you having a good time), but I was, I just dont show my emotions.

I think thats exactly it, I mean I have confidence, im just more of a girly guy I guess and hes more of a straight guy, so it feels like im the weaker one almost.

[searchng4luv]

Give it another date just the two of you and see how you feel then.