Completely broken down...

[Endlessagony]

Why would you want to be friends with someone who cheated on you?

Well I don't see it as that simple.
I think there's a reason for everything that happens and try to remember we are all human with human weaknesses. Maybe the issue here is that we really have a lot of stuff that needs to be sorted out, I see this as much better than starting a full out war and going through all that. I just can't see myself getting any closure that way, way too many things still unresolved.
I just have to accept that her love for me is dead, we're not doing it to get back together but to free ourselves from the shackles of our past.
Maybe it sounds funny but if she keeps her promise I really can't hold any bad feelings against in my heart anymore, life is too short to waste being bitter.

[FrailWings]

Even if you guys ended up back together, now what? "Is she cheating on me?" "Where is she going?". With her cheating, your trust will have basically die, a relationship without trust is nothing. The fact it's with 2 people, should be enough for you to walk away. It's not easy when emotions are involved, but time will numb them, you deserve better than this. If you got back with her, you know, you'll be treading on egg shells, constantly worrying. That is not healthy for anyone, and in honesty, the relationship will get worse.

It's not easy, i know, i'm going through a break up myself. Keep yourself busy, get yourself out, be really social. Think of all the things you can do which you couldn't do with her, you're better off without her, even if your emotions are blinding you from the truth. In a few weeks, month, few months, you'll be feeling a hell of a lot better. You're recovery starts when you accept it's over, and you block her completely out. No contact, trust me, she'll be hurting as much as you, because, the guys she's been with, are just along for the ride, highly unlikey be serious, she'll end up lonely. Where as you, you'll find happiness, because lets be honesty, it couldn't of been that good if you've been constantly worrying. Good luck buddy, keep us posted.

[Endlessagony]

Even if you guys ended up back together, now what? "Is she cheating on me?" "Where is she going?". With her cheating, your trust will have basically die, a relationship without trust is nothing. The fact it's with 2 people, should be enough for you to walk away. It's not easy when emotions are involved, but time will numb them, you deserve better than this. If you got back with her, you know, you'll be treading on egg shells, constantly worrying. That is not healthy for anyone, and in honesty, the relationship will get worse.

It's not easy, i know, i'm going through a break up myself. Keep yourself busy, get yourself out, be really social. Think of all the things you can do which you couldn't do with her, you're better off without her, even if your emotions are blinding you from the truth. In a few weeks, month, few months, you'll be feeling a hell of a lot better. You're recovery starts when you accept it's over, and you block her completely out. No contact, trust me, she'll be hurting as much as you, because, the guys she's been with, are just along for the ride, highly unlikey be serious, she'll end up lonely. Where as you, you'll find happiness, because lets be honesty, it couldn't of been that good if you've been constantly worrying. Good luck buddy, keep us posted.

Thank you for those encouraging words!
I really and truly don't want to be with her anymore, in my mind I am dreaming of a world where I'm free from her and can fully be myself again. There's been an awful lot of emotional abuse from her the past 5 years or so, that is really the worst thing for me.
I can safely say that my self-esteem is pretty low right now and hers isn't, we share most of our friends and we work at the same place. We also own an apartment building together and have a cat. I'm just too weak right now to leave everything, if there's even a small chance it can be worked out in my favor I'll take it.

To me it just seems that she really is trying to help me get over this and have a good life, even despite all the animosity between us right now.

[FrailWings]

It could be an act who knows. It doesn't deter from the fact that you can do better. What probably hurts most is because you're used to having her there, when that's taking away we try to get it back, but instead we end up pushing it away. Once you get the above sorted out, you can move on, just keep contact minimal, you deserve better than to be cheated on, simple. You need someone who'll be as loyal and loving back to you, as you are to that person.

[Gigabitch]

You appear to be missing any sense of self-preservation. Is this a lifelong thing or has she sucked it out of you in the past five years?

[Endlessagony]

You appear to be missing any sense of self-preservation. Is this a lifelong thing or has she sucked it out of you in the past five years?

I guess it's partially a lifelong thing, mostly it's from this destructive relationship. What can I say I was very much in love and also very juvenile in the beginning.
I never should have let it become this deep and involved but things just happened, it's not like either of us thought it would turn out this way.
Maybe she'll screw me over royally I don't know but if that happens I don't see it being any worse than if I'd just leave everything behind me now.
It's really hard to explain our situation when we haven't even ourselves gotten a firm grasp of things yet. All I know and believe is that diplomacy is always better than aggression. We're being very clear and honest about how we feel and how all the fighting has affected us, we're also probably going to find some counseling help to get a neutral person involved.

Just the thought of getting the air cleared up really helps me put negative feelings behind me, something I must do if I'm to continue my life in a good way.