Want to know if my boyfriend knows he has me....

[lilxcutie53]

Sorry this is so long



So my boyfriend(ill call him adam) and I have been together for about 10 months...so on tuesday he called me yesterday asking if i wanted to hang out with him after he got out of work. I of course said "sure" he then said "ok..well Im going to head over to my friends house on the way home for a little, and should be home by 7..I will call you when im off of work to figure stuff out" So we continue texting while he is at his friends house. he proceeds to say "hey, tarek is staying over at my house tonight so that we can carpool tomorrow for work since we both have to be in at the same time...what are your plans for the night?" I responded and said "i didnt make plans, bc i thought you wanted to hang out..Why didnt you just tell me that you wanted to spend the rest of the night with your friend, because I could of made plans and ive already made plans for tomorrow so i dont know when wed get to hang out" he texted back and said "alright sorry it was a last min thing" and i said "ok well next time just be more respectful and honest with me" so the next morning he apologized for messing up my plans and that it was rude of him to cancel our date. He asked me if we were going to get to hang out or if I had made plans. I told him I was free until 8:30! he was getting off of work at 4 so that only would give him 4 hours to hang out with me, but told me that he needed to get a hair cut. so he asked if i could move my plans around. and I told him no and said that he should get his hair cut later if he wants to hang out with me. He texted me back and said "the place closes at 7 and i really need a haircut" so I texted back and said "ok, well today probably isnt a good day then to hang out" Anyways, he ended up calling me after he got out of work and asked how long I was going to be at my friends, etc or if it would better to hang out tomorrow. I told him well since your gettng a haircut, probably best to hang out tomorrow. he proceeded to say "it doesnt take 4 hours for me to get a hair cut." so I told him to just call me when he was done and that if it wasnt too close to 830 we could hang out. well he ended up calling me and said that he was just going to work out, but wanted to come by my house to pick up his sunglasses he left at my house.
So today, I texted him asking how work was...and he texted back saying that its ok..blah blah. so at that point I was actually at a movie wth my dad and he called me around 4 after he got off..I happened to still be in the movie, so i didnt pick up. then he texted me and hr later and asked if I wanted to go to Hardtimes with him and his friends around 630. I called him back and said "well im at dinner with my dad right so I dont know if I will back in time and then i have to go study with my friend so I dont think id be done with everything around 8. So then he said "ok, well yeah, i mean..i dont know if I am going to go directly at 6:30, bc I am eating dinner with my family, but id probably be done before 8" and i said "well I mean..I want to go.." "i'll call you when im home and see where ur at" so i called him when I got home and he didnt answer..so i waited til he called back and said "hey im going to be done at 8..ill go to hardtimes if you all havent left by then, but if so then im just going to stay at home" so he said "well i need to call my friend and see whats up" so he called me back and said "im just chillin with my bro..what you doing" then it went into him asking me to hang out. I told him I would, but he wanted me to go to his house...


my question is...do you think he was testing me to see how persistant I would become. Do you all think he knows he has me and therefore doesnt respect me?

[jessZ]

Hmmm has he been like this all along, or just recently? If sounds like you're not really a priority to him... And I sounds like
it's making you unhappy... Maybe you should find someone who is actually excited to make plans with you rather than leaving you as an afterthought?

[lilxcutie53]

im not an after thought...he always asks me what my plans are and if i want to hang out. I hardly ever ask him to hang out. he always makes initatal contact with me.

I just dont know if i am letting him control me or creating a monster

[jessZ]

Ok, I'm nor exactly sure what you're asking then, but it kind of seems like he's being selfish and only making plans with you when it suits him.

[lilxcutie53]

Thats exactly how I feel, but not all the time..obviously there are certain circumstances..for instance today he wanted to hang out, so I told him I would when I was done hanging out with my friend..he then texted me back saying that hes trying to hang out earlier then later bc he needs to pass out by a certain to get up for work in the morning. Now when I have had to work early in the morning i ask him to come to my house for the same reason and no problem he comes over. and there are other instances when he has no problem coming over, but for the most part he wants me to go to him.

I just dont know if he thinks i do anything for him..I never drop my plans for him or change them...I dont know if he really respects me.

[vashti]

I think he just sounds like a big flake. It really doesn't have anything to do with YOU at all. I bet he flakes out on everyone.

[girl68]

I think you should stop freggin' texting and talk on the damn phone.

[Honest Adam]

The fault lies with both of you. He does seem like a flake but your texts are very very passive. If you are going to be equal in this relationship then you should be able to tell him what you want and what you need and he should make an effort to give those things to you. Way too much, "hangin out" and not enough "plans." Whether he is taking you for granted or not you are making it way to easy for him to float in and out of your life at will. He doesn't have you, and you don't have him, you need to earn each other every day...I think. Good Luck,
Adam