No time for a relationship?

[sultan_of_swing]

Hi there,

it's now been roughly 3 weeks since my girlfriend broke up with me. We've been together for 3 months when suddenly she realised she didn't have enough time for the relationship and then broke up. She is quite busy (uni, 2 jobs, gym etc.) but we always managed to cope with that. The first 6-8 weeks of our relationship went really well. She lives 60 km away from my place but it wasn't too bad because there's a train operating twice every hour.

I was moving back then, so we met at her place most of the time. There were times where my situation (moving, uni etc.) really stressed me out and I probably couldn't give her the attention she wanted. However, we met at least once a week and I always stayed over for a couple of days so we we'd have as much time together as possible. We had a few arguments during that time as well. Most of them were about her being afraid to loose me or thinking I didn't love her anymore- which just wasn't true. I love(d) her to bits.

The thing is that I'm a Brit currently living in Germany (my Dad was in the Army). Before I met her I applied to medical school in the UK and got accepted. She never wanted me to go back to the UK and said that she'd break up if I went back because she wouldn't be able to cope with it emotionally (which I can understand). So we started to look for alternatives but they didn't really convince me because they would have required me to go back to school in Germany and obtain a German general certificate of education first (which would have cost me at least 2 more years!). She didn't really like the fact I wasn't too fond of these options...However, I'd have probably had to live with them if push had come to shove..I don't think I'd have been able to cope with being separated from her either.

Anyway. Then there was also a time where we didn't meet for 2 weeks because we were both quite busy. She used to text me quite a lot saying she loved me and that I shouldn't forget about that etc. I was quite busy working on a huge translation project then so I couldn't always answer straight away. Sometimes she got really mad at me for that as well.

After those 2 weeks, we finally found an opportunity to meet up again and she said she'd come around my place. I asked her whether she'd like to stay over night as well but she said she couldn't tell because she didn't know how stressed out she was gonna be. I was quite disappointed then because we hadn't seen each other for such a long time! Well, she got mad at me for getting upset and then told me she had been thinking and asked herself whether our relationship would actually still make sense. I must admit I was quite upset then and told her I had been thinking as well and then she asked me whether I'd like to pick up my stuff from her place..That's basically how we broke up.

Later she told me she couldn't believe we had actually broken up and she actually missed me. 2 weeks ago I invited her to a gig which I saw in her town. She actually showed up but told me afterwards that she didn't want the relationship anymore because she didn't have enough time for it.

I just don't know what she means by saying she doesn't have enough time..I mean she even bought herself a foal a few weeks ago! She might be all excited cos of the foal and doesn't need a bf right now..But then again..I'm just asking myself what happened to all the love she claimed to feel for me when we were still together (sometimes she texted me up to 10 times a day telling me how much she loved me!).

Does anyone of you, through the eyes of a woman, know what she could mean by that? Do you think that she could come back one day? I really love her. I've had quite a few relationships so far but none of them were like this one, i.e. I've never felt so much love for a girl before. I really miss her a lot.

I cut contact 3 weeks ago and I had to delete her off my FB the other day because I just couldn't bear seeing her status updates going "life is perfect" and seeing the pics of her horse...lol

Thanks in advance for your help!

Look forward to hearing from you,
Nicco

[cherriesontop]

This sounds so intense for three months relationship! then again, I am someone who has to date someone for like a year before I could start making commitments the way you both have.
She obviously thought a lot of you but from the sounds of it... things did seem a little bit all over the place. you could hardly see eachother, and then you were both busy, you were stressed, then she was stressed... its not the best way to start a relationship!
i know u think a lot of her but do u really wanna give up the oppertunity to doing medicine for someone who have only dated a couple of months and who has already broken up with you!?
sounds to me thats its best if u move on. i know that must hurt loads but there does seem like a lot of obstacles in the situation.
maybe in the future if u two are meant for eachother, maybe both ur situations may change in future but until then, it just doesnt seem like a good time for either of u.

[Gigabitch]

At what point in the relationship did she start telling you that you weren't allowed to go to medical school? Three days in?

I know you love her a lot and all, but this girl is inconsistent and emotionally unstable. She's a regret waiting to happen. If you stayed with her, I promise in ten years you'd be kicking yourself for capitulating to her insane demands.

Whatever her reasoning behind breaking up with you, it's a gift. Take it and say thank you. Go to med school and meet a girl with her head on straight.

[xxazurexx]

I agree with Giga. I think you should count your blessings she is gone.

The worst thing you could have done is to quit medical school and on the say so of this insecure, immature and unstable female....you would have sorely regretted it.

I just have to laugh at how some females get a man and then start dictating his life and mapping it out for him within 2 minutes. Bigger fool the man that goes along with it.

[Raze]

I agree with Giga and Azure. Never sacrifice your own dreams for a girl. You need to live life the way you want to, not the way someone else wants you to live it. You want to go to medical school because you have dreams about getting a job in a medical field. Am I right? Find someone who understands your dreams and won't deter you from reaching your dreams.

[sultan_of_swing]

Hi there!

Thanks very much for your honest answers. I certainly agree with you that it would be very stupid to let her push me into staying here and not to going to med school for the sake of this (unstable) "relationship". I suppose that's one of the reasons why she broke up as well. She told me she didn't want to stand in my way. The med school offer is a great offer. However, it was still a very tough decision for me to make because there were just so many things going on in my life at that time, ranging from health issues to having to find a new flat to getting my education sorted. So as you can imagine we probably just met at exactly the wrong time! lol

Anyways, while my life was still extremely chaotic and uncertain a few weeks ago, I got all my decisions made now. It turned out I couldn't move back to the UK atm because I'm still undergoing medicial treatment over here and it'll take a while till I'll be ready to move back to the UK (just don't wanna change doctors right now). Consequently, I found a solution which I'm really happy with: I'll finish off my Bachelors in Business IT whilst taking my German GCE. =D This was also a solution I considered together with my ex. I always had a positive gut feeling for it but rationally I just didn't feel ok with it (I had to familiarize myself with the fact of having to go back to school first).

Unfortunately, last week I couldn't resist telling her on ICQ that I had finally made a decision and that it was to stay in Germany. She was quite surprised but didn't really comment on it too much. I broke contact after we had broken up and didn't contact her anymore for a while but then (last week) I just started to miss her again...So after approx. 4 weeks of no contact I wrote her a letter telling her that I still loved her and that I missed her. It wasn't too cheesy, I got quite a funny style of writing and I also asked her whether she'd like to go to the cinema with me (asking her to tick yes, no or maybe). I think it was a mistake tho because she hasn't been online ever since and she hasn't answered or commented on it either (she must have received it 5 days ago). I think she's quite mad at me for deleting her off FB and the German equivalent.. But I just had to do it to be able to think clear thoughts again...

I really do miss her. Even though it was only 3 months, we had quite an intense relationship (as cherriesontop correctly noted) and apart from the odd argument, we got along extremely well and got so many things which made our relationship so special. I truely regret that sometimes I couldn't give her the attention she deserved while we were together cuz I was so busy... It would be really cool to get back together with her but do you honestly see a chance after nearly 8 weeks of breaking up and only cold reactions from her side? She knows I'll be going to school in her town soon and she got that letter from me. I won't contact her again, she knows everything she needs to know.

Greetz,
Nicco