How much longer can I go without sex? What's the deal with her?

[competitive]

I'm a virgin. I'm in my first serious relationship. I'm 21. She's not a virgin. She's 20. The most I've got was a BJ and even that is rare.

I would do anything for her, and she knows this.

We've been together a little over 7 months. We talk to each other a lot, we share feelings, we are in love. She tells me I'm the best boy friend she's ever had and I treat her with kindness and respect and a sincere care about her.

She calls me about 5 times a day or she texts me about 25 times. She tells me she loves me at least 10 times a day.

I love her so much. I try to be as gentlemanly as possible towards her. I open doors for her, and treat her better than I ever thought I'd ever treat anybody. I'd never thought I'd become a gentlemanly caring sensitive guy but she brought it out of me and I ENJOY doing nice things for her.

So why is it that I still haven't had sex with her?

We went on a roadtrip the two of us and stayed in a hotel room alone. Nothing happened. She wanted to spoon and cuddle all night, and so we did. The first few months it didn't bother me because maybe it would be too soon for her. The hotel room made me start saying the "good things happen to those who wait" phrase over and over again. Even then, a couple alone in a hotel room do more than just spoon and cuddle all night.

Our 6 month anniversary I took her on a very expensive private dining boat with very few other couples. It cost me a fortune, but my girlfriend is worth it. She loved it, I loved it knowing she loved it. I could have easily saved the 700$ and bought her a gift and that was that. I'm a college student I can't afford these things.

I got a million "I love you so much" and that's it. She bought me a cheap guitar amp that I really have no use for.

Then she tells me she's gonna **** my brains out. I get all excited. Weeks go by and still nothing.

I ended up moving out of my parents place to be closer to the campus in the fall and she goes on and tells me she can't wait for me to be on my own and she's gonna help me "break in" my new place.

It's been 2 weeks now and she came over 4 times and nothing has happened.

Last night we went out to dinner and she told me to come over to her house today and we would watch movies and hang out. I canceled plans (done this 2 other times for her already) to go see her today. She calls me this morning and tells me her dad is staying home from work cause he's sick and she's gonna take care of him.

A few hours later she calls me again and tells me he ended up going to work. It's too late for me to go over anyway because she has to go to work.

It was almost as if it was planned.

I do so much for her, and maybe I feel a little under appreciated. She tells me she loves me a thousand times a day but does she forget that maybe, just MAYBE, i'd like to do more than give her hugs and kisses.

I think the worst part of all this is that she says I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had. Then why won't she sleep with me? She's slept with at least one other guy before me, it makes me think that I'm doing something wrong. It's taking a psychological beating on me.


In my head I've given her up until my bday which is in late august. After that, I think it's time to call it quits with this girl, as much as it pains me.

[Boisdevie]

Dump her. Move on

[hurt_confuzd]

Hire a hooker.

[Gigabitch]

Hire a hooker.

Must admit, when I read that you spent $700 on a dining cruise, I thought about the incredibly high-quality ass you could have hired for that night.

Okay, she's SAYING she will have sex with you and then what happens? You wait for her to initiate? You try to make a move and she turns you down? What?

[Kaius]

If she says she is not ready, then she is not ready.
If she says she likes things the way they are, and doesn't want things to change, then she will NEVER sleep with you.

[competitive2]

Forgot my password dam. Had to make a new account. Also had to make a new email adress to make this account but that's not the point...

Must admit, when I read that you spent $700 on a dining cruise, I thought about the incredibly high-quality ass you could have hired for that night.

Okay, she's SAYING she will have sex with you and then what happens? You wait for her to initiate? You try to make a move and she turns you down? What?

She says we're gonna have sex but it never happens. I try to initiate and she makes it clear with her body language she's not up for it.

Yeah I don't get it. What happens when you are lying on a bed with her spooning and cuddling?

Just start fooling around without the intention of sex. If you expect to just suddenly have sex then it won't happen.
Kiss her and make out for about 20 minutes, with increasing aggressiveness, remove yours and her clothes slowly, if she asks why you are removing them just say like "I'm just getting too hot". If she says "we aren't going to have sex" just nod and then keep kissing her. If she freaks out and tells you to stop kissing her, stop. Get up and go and do something eg. sit at your computer (completely stop giving her any attention) If she asks why, just say that you have some stuff to do. Soon she will ask you to come back and then start kissing her again, rinse and repeat.

Did the make out then get more aggressive thing. It usually ends there with us being naked and just cuddling. The time we went on the roadtrip I actually got to put the condom on before her telling me she'd rather just spoon. Waste of a condom.

Other times we make out and slowly get to fooling around, which makes me believe it's foreplay. She doesn't like giving BJs even thought she wont admit it, but she would rather just stop at jerking me off. Then she wants to cuddle and spoon.

These are the times we actually get to cuddle. Getting as far as making out on a bed is like a day long project.

[VincenzoG91]

This is what happens when guys ignore the Third Date Rule.

[Mard]

lol you atleast got a BJ, i am 27 and i have never had sex or even a girl friend, try being in my position.

[Gigabitch]

Get rid of this girl. She sucks, and not in the good way.

[competitive2]

i'm not gonna dump her over this until september. that's my internal deadline.

i need to figure out ways on how to talk to her about this in a reasonable manner that doesn't make me sound like a horny 14 year old boy who just wants to get laid.

i also need help on how to initiate sex better.


any ideas?

[hello1]

Have you even asked her? she properly thinks your all right with no sex or she is testing you. Have you said to her "I want sex?" You are not giving the relationship a fair chance till you grow some balls and have the talk with her. If shes still not willing then she is asexual and dump her.

[Just Ricky]

well you see, she has you wrapped around her finger, so she can basically use sex as a tool to manipulate you. yeah, you heard the truth.

[competitive2]

she's not a bad girl. she's quite the opposite. she's a great listener when i have problems, she is sweet, smart and very beautiful. Maybe a little clingy, but that can change. She makes me so happy and I see there is love for me in her eyes and the way she talks to me. She's not a bad girl at all.

she just has no desire to add sex to our relationship, which in my opinion, is way past due.

I need to figure out ways on how to bring up the 'no sex' in an adult manner so we can discuss it and I just don't know how.

[Chlorine]

she's not a bad girl. she's quite the opposite. she's a great listener when i have problems, she is sweet, smart and very beautiful. Maybe a little clingy, but that can change. She makes me so happy and I see there is love for me in her eyes and the way she talks to me. She's not a bad girl at all.

she just has no desire to add sex to our relationship, which in my opinion, is way past due.

I need to figure out ways on how to bring up the 'no sex' in an adult manner so we can discuss it and I just don't know how.

Competitive2-----She could be avoiding sex as she's afraid to get pregnant? Emotional issues? Bad experiences? Lots of reasons etc.

But....I can understand how frustrated you are, if you're getting naked with her, and then she stops halfway. The only way around this, is to stop getting into bed together. Tell her that you're not getting naked with her, until she is good and ready to have sexual intercourse with you. All the cuddling, spooning etc is just too much bodily contact and if it makes you all hot and bothered, then just avoid it totally until she makes up her mind. It really is up to her, but you can also say 'no'.

As it is, you're already resenting her (because of the no sex), when actually she seems to fulfill your other needs eg. a great listener etc.

[competitive2]

so i spoke to her about pretty much everything i wrote in this thread.

i told her that i don't understand why it hasn't happened yet and that i keep thinking i'm doing something wrong because she banged her ex after 2 months of dating but wont bang me when she says i'm the best bf shes ever had.

basically she said that when we went on the roadtrip she wasn't ready at that point and she felt the peer pressure from her friends to do me when she wasn't ready yet. and now she feels that shes just starting to get comfortable with me and i'm gonna have to wait a while more. i told her i dont understand how after 7 months she isn't comfortable with me yet and she told me that she just cant put it into words. she said she already knew that i was bothered by this and was waiting for me to bring it up and that another reason is hasn't happened yet is because we're never alone (which doesn't make sense anymore, i have my own place now..) and that she wants my first time to be special because her first time was a quicky in a car.

After this conversation we proceeded to cuddle again as much as i didn't want to where she told me she loves me at least 20 times.

today she called me and while talking and telling me she misses me and she loves me she said, and i don't know if she meant it this way, i may be over thinking this, "all i want to do is cuddle with you".

I still have that late august deadline in my head. gonna end it if nothing's happened since then.

so after talking to her about it, i'm just as confused, if not more, than before.

What advice to you fine folks give me now?