Hooked up with long term friend

[feelslikeido]

I recently hooked up with a girl who I've been friends with for over 7 years. We have been close friends the whole time and we even shared a place. I never thought of her as anything more than a friend but last weekend we had a bit to drink and then we got really intimate.

I don't feel anything for her except I still really care about her as a friend. I think she might want more. I don't know what to do because I really enjoyed getting close to her, and I really want to keep her as a friend, but I don't want anything in terms of a relationship.

Would it be possible for me to be honest with her about wanting to keep it casual, or would this ultimately mess with our friendship. Just as a note we've played this out really well with eachother and we agree our friendship has changed a little but is mostly just as it always was. We don't wanna lose this. (but i want casual sex ) Are there ways that I have my cake and eat it too??

[Cain]

If she wants more then casual sex is likely a bad solution.

The best answer for you is to choose whether you'd rather have her as a friend or a **** buddy.

[girl68]

nope it won't is you even have the slighest doubt ever she'll develop feelings she will, she already has. terrible idea to sleep with her again.

[Natlee]

Don't sleep with her again. That is a bad idea when it seems she is looking to be more than friends and even if you mention casual sex to her it will just be a slap in the face if she is looking for a relationship or even if she wants you as a friend.

[givemeu]

Bad idea to keep having sex with her. Intimacy leads to feelings that the heart and mind distinguish as love and happiness. Not all the time but most of the time. Eventually, if she hasnt already, she will develop feelings more than just friendship and that is bad news for a friendship. I put myself in her position bc it has happened to me and I'm currently going through it. I let myself get carried away while drinking and had sex with the most wonderful man and friend anyone could ask for. I was wrong for doing so bc I am hurting at this very moment. We were friends for 7 years. He doesn't know how I feel bc I am afraid to tell him bc of the risks of losing a great friend. I have always had the desire to be with him bc he is what most women want, a prince charming, someone to lean on when times get bad, tells u what u want to hear bc it makes u happy kinda guy. Please don't keep messing around with her feelings. You have to ask yourself....Is sex more important than my friend? and if one out weighs the other u have your answer. I hope she hasnt already fallin for you. I wouldnt want anyone to feel the way I'm feeling at this time. I hope you have the courage to make the right decision. She should be more important to you than casual sex. Love & Luck to you both.

[Gigabitch]

This is a delicate situation. You've crossed the line and you can't go back to being just friends, even though you think that would be easy. For her, it's impossible. Be careful about how you frame your statement to her. Make sure she doesn't feel like you think sleeping with her was a big mistake, or she might feel incredibly rejected and heartbroken. Make sure she knows she's important to you and you feel very protective of her feelings, but be clear that you're not going to sleep with her again.

[feelslikeido]

Thanks SO much for this advice. Her friendship and happiness means heaps to me - so I'll have to be extremely careful about how I frame it and about her feelings. I'm actually more concered now than before because I think she's trying to spend more time with me and even worse I think she feels as though she didn't mean anything to me.. Somehow I have to show her that she meant something but also that I don't want anything further...

[Chlorine]

......but also that I don't want anything further...

feelslikeido------Bottom line, you don't want anything further with her. Tell her straight. Sure, she'll hurt like crazy.....but she needs to know the truth before she starts falling in love with you. Don't send mixed signals.

If she gets hurt and walks away, well.....you can't control that. Give her space.

[Gaby09]

Don't go further because girls will always missunderstood. You'll break her heart and then she's not your friend anymore. If you only want casual sex I think it's really selfish from you. Don't play with her

[feelslikeido]

Ok thanks very much. No more casual and I'm going to have to tell her about the 'no relationship, just friends'. wish me luck! I've posted a new thread if you want to help further! thanx! fingers crossed

[Gaby09]

Wish you all the best and luck!! ^^