Breaking up with an Ex for a dumb reason and trying to get her back 8 month later

[wuballz]

Hi all,new member here. Im hoping to get some good advice from guys and girls on how to get an ex back.

When i first met my Ex,i like her but didn't LOVE her. It seem she liked me a lot at first sight. After the first night we met,the next day she was planning what we would do the following week. After two weeks,she was planning a vacation for us. After 1 month she wanted me to meet her folks... So right a way, I've been kind of cold.. i don't want to act too lovie dovie in front of her cause i want to slow down this relationship.

We dated for about 3 month. The middle month we actually didn't see each other at all cause she was out of the country. We would See each other once a week and text each other the other days of the week (we have opposite working schedules and only have 1 day off in common where we can hang out.)

One day out of no where she asked me why i never text her first and she always text me first in the day. I told her very logically that she sleeps untill 5pm. I go to work at 11am. I don't want to wake her up when i text her,so i figure she would text me when she wakes up,then i would know she was up,and i would text her back.

The following day,she did not text me and i did not text her cause i was mad that it seems to me she was playing some dumb game. She called the day after that and asked "why didn't you text me yesterday?" I said.. again very logically " i didn't want to wake you. by the time 6-7 pm rolled around,i figured you would be busy getting ready for work. Then you start work at 8pm... I didn't want to bother you if were working or if your busy getting ready for work"

So now i am a little pissed. We had a normal week,then after the normal week,she once again didn't text me. So thinking shes playing this stupid game again,i didn't text her. So for 3 days we didn't text or call each other. Finally on the 4th day,i figure this was juvenile and we need to talk about this. So i call her up. She picks up and was like "oh,hey" instead of the usual "hi,babe"

I said: hi what are you doing right now and she said: "Im out shopping with my friend,can i talk to you later?" I said " no problem bye."

So after about 30min waiting,im getting irritated,like we just not talk for 3 days i figure this was more important then shopping.

So i texted her 30 min later with: Hey lets go have dinner later. After another 30 min. she texted back.. um ok. So now i am really mad. Thinking why are you taking so long to answer me? So i texted back right away "so where do you want to eat and what time?" Again 45 min goes by before she texts back,now i am really angry. when she does text back,she texted " Oh you know what i have plans to go clubbing tonight with my girls i can't make it to dinner." So now im really angry. I text back "oh its cool,i'll call you back later and we can set something up.

After that i never called her again and she never called me. It was so weird to me because when we first started the relationship,she was on the fast track to be my girl friend,she would always tell me how i am totally the one for her. I thought this girl was so in to me... And all of a sudden we both just stopped talking to each other.

Looking back it was a dumb reason to break up because until this happened,we had a good thing going. I am 34 and my Ex is 27,i know we should both be more mature then this but what can i say.. Now i kind of want to get her back. I have no idea what to do. How should i get her back? Is it possible? TIA for the help

[saraisROCKIN]

You need to tell her that you realized where you went wrong in this relationship. Perhaps her persisting on why or why not you didn't text her first was annoying.. I can imagine. But I don't think you saw it as it truly was: She wanted to feel loved. She needed reassurance that she was loved, and that you would go out of your way to do something so small for her just to make her feel better. Even something so small as texting her first a few times. Personally I think just a simple apology (but a mutual understanding that it was difficult from both sides) and asking her out to coffee sometime would allow you to see if starting up this relationship again would be the right thing to do. Good luck buddy.

[wuballz]

Yeah,now realize what i did wrong. 8 month is a lot of time to think haha.I still think its partly her fault cause if she would of came straight out and asked me how i felt about her,instead of testing me like she did.. all this could of been avoided. But yeah,i know she was testing me to see if i cared.

what i did wrong is,i knew it was a test and i got pissed that she felt the need to test me so i failed on purpose. I thought i was teaching her a lesson by not talking to her for 3 days. I should of been an adult and addressed her insecurity,instead of trying to punish her out of annoyance.

I got a text from her on Christmas that said "to all my friends,thanks for everything blah blah.." and i texted back "merry Christmas"

on new years i sent out a mass text and made sure she got it and it was "happy new year my friends,hope all is well" and she texted back "happy new year"

then on Chinese new year. i texted her "happy chinese new year" and i didn't get a text back from her.

Now im insecure and afraid to call her. I was thinking about texting her and saying something like "hey i just got a new cell phone,as i was porting numbers from my old phone to new phone,i saw your number and decided to see how you are doing. so how is everything?"

I know its kinda cheesy but dumb male pride wont let me call her and have her think that i've been thinking about her... Im an idiot .. i know....

[xxazurexx]

Some females will do that you know, test the guy and to get a feel of his interest level to see how much he cares. Some of us like to know that the guy may be genuinely interested and before we can allow ourselves to get closer to him. We like to ensure, that we are not wasting our time on you. Perhaps you would find females are more likely to do this and if they have been hurt before and they are now more cautious of who they get involved with. Once you have proven yourself, a female will then start to trust you and open out to you more and start to take the initiative. Although I guess there are those who will look for constant assurances and throughout a relationship and more so if you are giving you her cause to think that you are not serious about her....which you were doing. You were giving her every reason, to think you didn't care. Despite seeming to have a good understanding of why she did what she did, you chose to ignore it and deliberately let her think you were not interested.

She then distanced herself and thinking you didn't care. I'd have done the same.

Your move...

[wuballz]

Yeah, i agree with you guys. I think i knew she was feeling insecure and i should of been more empathetic and show her how much i cared. I realize what i did wrong. So do you guys think i still have a chance or should i just count this one as lost and move on?

[xxazurexx]

Nobody knows and it you lost your chance or not - we don't know her. All you can do is pursue it again and see. Whether you get another chance or not, depends upon if she still has an interest in you or not and if she would be prepared to give it another go. It's possible that she has moved on though and given it's been 8 months.