How to fix this problem...

[TheTooya]

Listen; you cannot control your mother's behavior... only your own. A grown man would not engage in this kind of behavior. Do you not see how ridiculous it is that you were willing to participate in a four hour long argument about this? Again: do not participate in these kinds of arguments. walk away.

I would tell her to stop, she would hang up on me, and call me back. I don't know, I am not the type of person to hang up on people, and from experience ignoring calls from mom only makes her more psychotic later on.

Both of these women sound petty and ridiculous. Have you ever stopped to wonder why you chose someone who sounds so much like your mom?

Yes I have wondered about that, but know that my girlfriend normally doesn't act out. Additionally, I know a large part of the problem with my girlfriend is in fact me... who ends up spoiling her. I have been getting better at putting my foot down, and she has been getting better at not being a crazy bitch. I don't think its the right idea to throw away the relationship when the problem lies on me improving who I am (which as a result improves her..)

... Either that or maybe I have some sort of Oedipus complex. </kidding>

[IndiReloaded]

Both of these women sound petty and ridiculous. Have you ever stopped to wonder why you chose someone who sounds so much like your mom?

Oh good, now I don't have to post this. I was thinking the exact same thing, Tooya.

Anyway, I agree with Vash, you are a bit naive in how much you share about your GFs with your mom. Set some boundaries and tell her to mind her own business. Nicely. You can do this in such a way to recognize she cares about you.

[TheTooya]

Oh good, now I don't have to post this. I was thinking the exact same thing, Tooya.

Trust me... I have wondered the same thing... about my current girlfriend, my ex, and the ex before that... All had a strikingly odd similarity that would show up several months into the relationship.....

[Mish]

It sounds like too many things are happening at the same time. Tell your gf/ex/gf again and your mum that you will be unavailable for the next week and not to contact you during that time. Then gradually restart with them when you are in a better shape to talk.

[TheTooya]

It sounds like too many things are happening at the same time. Tell your gf/ex/gf again and your mum that you will be unavailable for the next week and not to contact you during that time. Then gradually restart with them when you are in a better shape to talk.

Aye, wish it was that easy... Girlfriend is fine now. She is a little upset that I asked her to email, but besides that, she seems to be ok, and wants me to visit her.

Mom, on the other hand, has told me... because I am still with my girlfriend at all, she wants nothing to do with me, I am a different person to her. I am an embarrassment and a disappointment as a son. She doesnt want me to visit. Email did not seem to phase her at all... <_< and I did read the email, it was an honest apology.

... So basically... girlfriend fine, mom... overreacting much? o.0

[TheTooya]

Well, mom just called me to tell me she responded to my girlfriends email... her response was basically, "you don't make the cut."

... The **** more does my mom want. She gets an apology and responds with "well you are not good enough".

[vashti]

If your girlfriend made a genuine attempt to make things better, and your mom is (objectively) being a bitch, then tell your mom that you are ashamed at her lack of generosity, and that until she is ready to behave herself, you won't be visiting her or talking to her on the phone.

And then don't wimp out.

And don't let your girlfriend replace your mother in the power department. It's time for you to start growing up.

(Of course, if your mom is still supporting you, none of this advice is any good.)

[TheTooya]

My girlfriend made a genuie attempt to apologize, albeit she did say we were broken up (because that was the impression I left with her when she sent the email.) Apparently, my mom has *not yet* sent an email telling my girlfriend that she is not good enough, my step father stepped in telling her she was acting like a kid. So mom is frustrated that she can't lash out on my girlfriend, so she just told me she is taking me off her will (because I am still dating this girl.)

There is a slight problem about communication. I speak with my parents on a every day or two. I manage all of their tech infrastructure and maintain their websites (doing so has put me through college.) I am apparently not working for my parents this upcoming semester, but my stepfather is still having me do some stuff... and sometimes that involves my mom calling me to take care of finances.

My mom isn't supporting me, I live halfway around the world from her, and am paying for housing with my internship money, but she is still helping me come up with ways to pay for my final semester as a graduate student.


....

I guess I can make a huge ****ing sigh of relief that she has not gone out of her way to shoot my girlfriend down... she sounded honestly, frustrated that she could not just now...

[Cain]

And BTW - charlieboy gives (IMO) the best male advice on the forum.

I never did like you.

[Cain]

Your mom is acting like a kid. You really need to man up and put your foot down with her. The fact that you were going to break up with your gf because of your mom is also a bit ridiculous. I think the two of you should break up, but not at all because of your mom wanting you to and certainly not because she didn't want to apologize to your mom. No offense, but if my gf told me that her parents said I wasn't good looking enough for her and she tried to get me to apologize, I'd likely laugh and tell her to piss off.

[TheTooya]

Well, my mom went through the effort of rummaging through my old computer to find my email, and digging through my gmail account to find this:

girlfriend: ..
what happene?d??

me: dad was mocking mom just now
moms getting upset in the background
dad said moms being rediculous, and acting like a child, and mom is complaining in the background to him
XDDD
its kind of really funny to hear
dad said you are a very nice young girl
and the way mom was acting was unnacceptable
but I should never have opened my mouth and mentioned what mom was saying, because that hurt your feelings.. and was very stupid of me
phone? :x
call me when your free, <3 things seem much better

Mom just brought this up with me, under the guise that she saw it elsewhere (not on my email) And, she took my email and showed it to my stepfather, who is now upset as well. They are upset that I repeat that they had an argument.

I just confronted my mom about it....

This hole just keeps getting dug deeper....
I am going to apologize to my stepfather, for breaking his trust. I don't know about apologizing to my mom. My mom has told me that she will never accept my girlfriend, and has now told me if I ever betray her again, she will disown me.

And also told me that I am to blame for my grandmas suicide about 8 years ago.

Your mom is acting like a kid. You really need to man up and put your foot down with her. The fact that you were going to break up with your gf because of your mom is also a bit ridiculous. I think the two of you should break up, but not at all because of your mom wanting you to and certainly not because she didn't want to apologize to your mom. No offense, but if my gf told me that her parents said I wasn't good looking enough for her and she tried to get me to apologize, I'd likely laugh and tell her to piss off.

I dont know... we almost did break up yesterday, and I didnt want to put my girlfriend through that. My parents are insisting because I am young I should be dating as many different people as possible and should not be limitting myself to one girl. It wasnt the apology that I wanted to break up with her for... it was the fact that she did not want to make any effort at all to draw this situation to a close. She did in fact, apologize. And my mom responded back with something along the lines of "Its my sons fault for starting this mess, but I think he should be with other women..", essentially not apologizing herself.

So I dont know... after pushing her enough, my girlfriend did apologize, but my mom did not even attempt to make an apology for acting like a crazy bitch.

[lahnnabell]

Why are you giving your mother this much freedom to run your life? If she does cut your out of her life for something so petty, then something is wrong with HER. I know this is difficult music to face, but not everyone has a full set of functional, loving parents. Growing up and taking on life on YOUR OWN is learning about what makes you happiest as well. Sounds like your relationship with your mother is far more damaging to you than it is fulfilling.

[IndiReloaded]

then tell your mom that you are ashamed at her lack of generosity,

Wow Vash, you're good. I would totally crumple if my son ever said that to me.

[TheTooya]

Why are you giving your mother this much freedom to run your life? If she does cut your out of her life for something so petty, then something is wrong with HER. I know this is difficult music to face, but not everyone has a full set of functional, loving parents. Growing up and taking on life on YOUR OWN is learning about what makes you happiest as well. Sounds like your relationship with your mother is far more damaging to you than it is fulfilling.

Although I agree, my mom may be damaging my life (and most definitely my relationships), I did have a long talk with her yesterday (she would not stop calling me during work, so I stepped out to talk on the phone.) Essentially, she told me am a tremendous dissappointment to laugh at my moms misfortune. I a shameful son, that she has spent her entire life trying to make me the best. She dated guys solely so that she could afford private lessons, and she is with her abusive/alcoholic husband, just so we can afford my undergraduate degree. She told me I should pay my stepfather back for college, and pay him back for the times I used his credit card to go eating. And yes, my mom is a master of guilt tripping me, and I do feel guilty. My girlfriend doesnt know that my mom snooped through my emails, I am going to keep that private, as both my mom and stepfather requested...

then tell your mom that you are ashamed at her lack of generosity,

I told my mom that I am dissappointed that my girlfriend apologized, and my mom did not reply back in a polite manner.... her response was "well she could go **** off."

[vashti]

If your girlfriend made a genuine attempt to make things better, and your mom is (objectively) being a bitch, then tell your mom that you are ashamed at her lack of generosity, and that until she is ready to behave herself, you won't be visiting her or talking to her on the phone.

And then don't wimp out.

And don't let your girlfriend replace your mother in the power department. It's time for you to start growing up.

(Of course, if your mom is still supporting you, none of this advice is any good.)

This is still my best advice. Everything that has happened since I posted it is just more icing on the cake that could have been avoided had you wanted to take a tougher stance. Is it because of the money? Is that why you won't put your foot down? You might want to consider drawing a line in the sand (and the subsequent financial hit) the cost of growing into manhood. How much, exactly, would it cost you to finish off your education at your own expense? Lots of people do it; you probably could, too.

BTW - I wouldn't care about the lack of inheritance. By the time she croaks, you should be fully self-supportive, anyway, and won't need the money. It's honestly NOT something you should have ever been counting on in the first place.